Ladies: When did you give up on finding a husband?

[Anonymous]

I’m 39 honestly I gave up a long time ago. Maybe 10 years. I hadn’t dated it years just had a f buddy. A few months ago I found the one. Never thought it would happen. Not sure about marriage yet but so far so good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD is getting married for the first time at 48. She met him during the pandemic. I was married at 48 for the first time too.

Wow! So how old are you? 96 yrs old? Or did you have your DD as a teen before you got married?

Yeah I want to know too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two friends who are single moms by choice and both had their babies at 40, so I would assume that's around when they gave up.

This is me. At 40 I went to see a fertility doctor about becoming a single mom by choice, very preliminary, thinking I had a few years to figure things out. Instead I was old by fertility doctor standards and started a multi-year journey to become a mother, during which dating fell by the wayside. Now I'm a busy single mother with barely any time for myself let alone dating. Maybe by the teenage years I'll be ready to start dating again, but I dated a lot and had a couple long-term relationships so I feel like I've been there, done that. There's that famous quote by a tv character "I've been dating since I was 16; where is he?!" That sums it up for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Somewhere in my 20's. I'm 44 now. I've been on exactly one date, when I was 14 (I didn't put out, he never called me again).

I kind of can't imagine being married now. My life is SO very me-focused.

Though I have been on more than one date ( not much more 5 dates with 3 guys) I feel this is my future.

Real question (and not trying to be mean/snarky): why so few dates?

I actually didn't date or kiss anyone until I was a senior in college so I empathize with late bloomers and the overlooked!

I’m the 44 yr old, and I’m ugly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Somewhere in my 20's. I'm 44 now. I've been on exactly one date, when I was 14 (I didn't put out, he never called me again).

I kind of can't imagine being married now. My life is SO very me-focused.

Do you not have sex?

I’ve never had sex with anyone but myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Somewhere in my 20's. I'm 44 now. I've been on exactly one date, when I was 14 (I didn't put out, he never called me again).

I kind of can't imagine being married now. My life is SO very me-focused.

Though I have been on more than one date ( not much more 5 dates with 3 guys) I feel this is my future.

Real question (and not trying to be mean/snarky): why so few dates?

I actually didn't date or kiss anyone until I was a senior in college so I empathize with late bloomers and the overlooked!

I’m the 44 yr old, and I’m ugly.

I'm sure you aren't but I get feeling ugly. I don't think I'm conventionally attractive either. I definitely didn't get blessed with looks the way my sisters did.

[Anonymous]

I can identify in a lot of ways, OP, but I remember a Youtuber, Shallon Lester (I highly recommend for hilarity and helpful advice) said the only women she knew who remained single, actively chose to be single. That made me realize I had been "dating" extremely passively: waiting for a man to randomly see me and ask me out, trying online dating for just a few months, etc.

I then decided to view dating as a hobby- something I was committing to and investing my time and effort. I learned how to do my hair and make-up, how to dress for a date, and I changed my mindset. Going on a date would not be this big, momentous occasion where I might meet "The One"; it would be a fun way to explore new neighborhoods/bars/restaurants and to practice and improve my dating skills. Suddenly there wasn't any pressure, and I knew that if I went on a terrible date then I would have a great story to tell friends. I made a lot of mistakes early on during fledgling relationships, but I learned so much from them so that I did better later.

This is not an ideal time to date, but I definitely don't think it's time to give up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Somewhere in my 20's. I'm 44 now. I've been on exactly one date, when I was 14 (I didn't put out, he never called me again).

I kind of can't imagine being married now. My life is SO very me-focused.

Though I have been on more than one date ( not much more 5 dates with 3 guys) I feel this is my future.

Real question (and not trying to be mean/snarky): why so few dates?

I actually didn't date or kiss anyone until I was a senior in college so I empathize with late bloomers and the overlooked!

I’m the 44 yr old, and I’m ugly.

To somebody out there, you are a beautiful person.

[Anonymous]

I gave up in the husband/kid/family dream at 35. Had a fling with a younger man, and then an older man (now that I wasn't seeking a spouse this stuff didn't matter, right?). Then met someone at 37, married at 38, two kids.

[Anonymous]

I can never understand these posts. DCUM women claim to be attractive to a brigade of men who never stop hitting on them. Combine that with the fact that unless you are Tom Brady or George Clooney, the average man gets rejected countless times during his dating career. So how in the world can a woman give up on finding a husband? They're a dime a dozen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Somewhere in my 20's. I'm 44 now. I've been on exactly one date, when I was 14 (I didn't put out, he never called me again).

I kind of can't imagine being married now. My life is SO very me-focused.

Do you not have sex?

I’ve never had sex with anyone but myself.

You should! It is great fun. Go online. There is someone for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 39 honestly I gave up a long time ago. Maybe 10 years. I hadn’t dated it years just had a f buddy. A few months ago I found the one. Never thought it would happen. Not sure about marriage yet but so far so good.

Glad you found the one! How did you meet him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can never understand these posts. DCUM women claim to be attractive to a brigade of men who never stop hitting on them. Combine that with the fact that unless you are Tom Brady or George Clooney, the average man gets rejected countless times during his dating career. So how in the world can a woman give up on finding a husband? They're a dime a dozen.

Kindly shut up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Approaching 37 and ready to throw in the towel, and accept tit's not going to happen for me.

But do you crave it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you aren’t looking is when you’ll meet someone.

I was just out of a long relationship, determined to just have fun being single and that’s when I met my husband.

I feel like women on the hunt have a desperation men can read/feel. You usually aren’t at your best because you have an agenda instead of just relaxing and being yourself.

I always knew I’d be okay by myself. I had a good career and did things for me when I wasn’t actively in a relationship.

I feel like people speak out of both sides of their mouths on the issues you get told you have to actively look and make it your job and then you get told sit back and do nothing.

There's also this false assumption that wants to be married means you don't think you will be okay by yourself and have zero interests.

DP. I think you need to get out and meet men, obviously, but not be desperate for marriage. I enjoy men as friends, and almost every long-term relationship I’ve had started that way. Just someone I enjoyed hanging out with, and then it evolved into more. Men are like cats — if you chase them, they run away. You have to let them come to you.