Former colleague messaged me on the ‘gram

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was he an Executive, though?

Lol

And another follow-up, do you ever work with other Executives?

Come on, guys. Now that he is divorced, the Executive will need someone new to lightly fry his tuna.

[Anonymous]

Dude knows you’re married with kids. Dude felt entitled to share his horn dog feelings with you, regardless of how you might take it. That’s not cool. Yes, it’s flattering to you to be desired but he’s got some nerve. Steer way clear.

[Anonymous]

I was a consultant for many years (also happily married with three young children) and early on I surprised by how alpha male c-suite types came on to me in both subtle and not so subtle ways. They have been trained to “seduce” people in non sexual ways as part of their rise to the top and it becomes part of their MO. I’m intelligent and attractive and wary of these types but have to admit it’s an ego boost to be subtly wooed. The unsubtle ones are boors. Whenever a lunch or dinner conversation drifted into a risky area I would always start talking about my family and that usually shut it down. If someone texted me later I’d politely shut it down. The hard part was not alienating the client or potential client so much as to lose an assignment. I did walk away from one potential assignment because it was clear what he wanted. It’s nice to be flattered but it’s a very slippery slope so it’s best to shut it down early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a nothingburger. Why are you sabotaging yourself over this? You had a moment with a handsome single guy. He send a message, you politely turned him down. It’s over, why are you still dwelling on it?

Exactly.

He reached out to you, you turned him down. Now it can be over. This is the way adult interactions work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a nothingburger. Why are you sabotaging yourself over this? You had a moment with a handsome single guy. He send a message, you politely turned him down. It’s over, why are you still dwelling on it?

The kind of women who start sentences with "So," or "Well," are prone to this level of drama.

LOL! So true!

An super thirsty for attention. Who posts videos of themselves on Instagram?

OP here, I actually usually don’t post antt up hung on Instagram, I actually hadn’t posted in a YEAR, but close friends of the bride and groom were posting videos and the bride and groom were commenting thank you etc., so I posted so they could feel happy that I enjoyed their wedding. So, I was pretty dressed up in the post because it was a wedding. But yes, I do agree it seems thirsty to post selfie videos on Instagram, but this was a big group video.

[Anonymous]

Op, two words "gram" and "mind you" make you sound over 50.
Just take it as a hint he's interested, but move on if you are still married! No, I've never received theses kinds of comments, so enjoy it. You still got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a consultant for many years (also happily married with three young children) and early on I surprised by how alpha male c-suite types came on to me in both subtle and not so subtle ways. They have been trained to “seduce” people in non sexual ways as part of their rise to the top and it becomes part of their MO. I’m intelligent and attractive and wary of these types but have to admit it’s an ego boost to be subtly wooed. The unsubtle ones are boors. Whenever a lunch or dinner conversation drifted into a risky area I would always start talking about my family and that usually shut it down. If someone texted me later I’d politely shut it down. The hard part was not alienating the client or potential client so much as to lose an assignment. I did walk away from one potential assignment because it was clear what he wanted. It’s nice to be flattered but it’s a very slippery slope so it’s best to shut it down early.

OP here- you hit the nail on the head. If I want to keep doing this work, I’ll need to be prepared for this. I already primarily wear pantsuits since my last job, and that seems to help give a asexual vibe. But sometime I just want to wear a dress! Feels a little constraining but the price of success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a nothingburger. Why are you sabotaging yourself over this? You had a moment with a handsome single guy. He send a message, you politely turned him down. It’s over, why are you still dwelling on it?

The kind of women who start sentences with "So," or "Well," are prone to this level of drama.

LOL! So true!

+1 She wants us to tell her she must be super attractive.

OP, a drunk man who is divorcing his wife (did he tell you why?) thinks you would be easy to get into bed for some no strings fun. That's all it is. After multiple kids, I doubt you are a vision of loveliness, but perhaps you exude an air of desperation in real life, similar to the tone of your post?

OP here. This is pretty mean. I hope you have the awful health problems I suffered through having my three children, including a damaged bladder. You obviously don’t know or care what that does to someone’s self esteem, and no, I haven’t talked to this person for at least a year and half, and seen him for three years, so not sure how I would be giving vibes off. Go back into your troll-hole.

[Anonymous]

There was a spark.

You both felt it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There was a spark.

You both felt it.

The problem she is having is what to DO about that spark.

It caught her off guard, maybe even the first time she caught lightning in a jar. Those feeling are causing her to question what she has in her relationship.

It feels good to be desired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a consultant for many years (also happily married with three young children) and early on I surprised by how alpha male c-suite types came on to me in both subtle and not so subtle ways. They have been trained to “seduce” people in non sexual ways as part of their rise to the top and it becomes part of their MO. I’m intelligent and attractive and wary of these types but have to admit it’s an ego boost to be subtly wooed. The unsubtle ones are boors. Whenever a lunch or dinner conversation drifted into a risky area I would always start talking about my family and that usually shut it down. If someone texted me later I’d politely shut it down. The hard part was not alienating the client or potential client so much as to lose an assignment. I did walk away from one potential assignment because it was clear what he wanted. It’s nice to be flattered but it’s a very slippery slope so it’s best to shut it down early.

OP here- you hit the nail on the head. If I want to keep doing this work, I’ll need to be prepared for this. I already primarily wear pantsuits since my last job, and that seems to help give a asexual vibe. But sometime I just want to wear a dress! Feels a little constraining but the price of success.

PP - I much preferred dresses and they were generally tailored and conservative. I leave the scrappy cocktail dresses for my husband. Also, no more than one glass of wine and do your best to keep the conversation focused on your agenda, not his.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I used to consult with number of big companies and worked with the junior executives who were being groomed for the top spots. I generally speaking keep in touch with them 5-6 years later but in a very professional way. When I was working that job, there was one junior exec about 5 years older than me who was delightful, we hit it off in a work friendly way, as he had kids almost exactly the same time as me (ie his wife was pregnant at the same time as me). I also used to rely on him for different things, and it was all fine. He was a handsome tall drink of water but so is my husband so it was not a big deal to me, plus I work with so many executives I do my best to keep a distance. Plus, we always kept it professional so I didn’t worry about it. Plus he was SO nice to everyone, a true reputation of a highly intelligent but warm gentleman.

Anyways, after I left a job I was doing consulting and met him for breakfast on a business trip as he was now CEO of his company and at the breakfast he told me he and his wife were splitting up. And there was a spark at the breakfast, I don’t know how to describe- he just was looking deep into my eyes or something. I left and took a deep breath in the Uber to my next appt and tried to think nothing of it etc. Mind you I am a very conservative person regarding my personal life, so I just brushed it off and moved on. I would be lying if I didn’t say the picture of his eyes in my mind didn’t make my stomach flutter but again, I’m a working mom with a good life and don’t need to mess with that, so the thought just faded away but there was always a little crush that I definitely am NOT going to pursue.

Well- three years later and I post something on Instagram with a video of me, and he messages me that I am freaking gorgeous, that he always had the BIGGEST crush on me, and he was drinking wine and single and probably shouldn’t say anything. I did my best to defuse the situation by saying, thanks for the compliment and say, thank you, it’s not a big deal, and don’t drink any more wine. Left it at that and said bye.

Here’s the thing, I am now questioning so much. Did I do something to make it seem like I wanted this behavior? Was the way I dress too much? Am I giving off a vibe I shouldn’t? Am I more attractive than I think three kids later? I feel like I am not that great looking after kids, but maybe the standard has changed Plus my ego is HIGHLY pleased to be called all these wonderful things by a handsome ceo, but that is dumb. I am having trouble concentrating, and now I’m not consulting and I have a new job where I go meet the c suite and their team next week, and need to be on point but I’m second guessing myself.

Anyone experience something like this and how long did it take for the feeling of emotional tumult to go away? This is obviously a stupid thing to happen, and I’m irritated I can’t ignore it and keep thinking about it because it makes me feel good (again ego) like I still “got it”, but also bad because it feels wrong for my marriage. Again, I am wracking my brain to see if I did anything wrong.

Also how can I avoid this situation again with another male executive?

This feels like the core of the issue for you. There are no easy answers here, unfortunately. Attraction outside of marriage sometimes happens and isn’t in your control no matter how you dress or how conservative you think you are. There are a couple ways to handle it mentally. One is try to compartmentalize. If you want to go there in your head, tell yourself this is a fantasy and I will enjoy it like I enjoy a movie. Try and be present with the rest of your life as much as possible. The other way is to explore more deeply, what are the roots of this fantasy that are so exciting to me. Why do I want this. That might lead you to answers about how to live differently and be more accepting of different parts of yourself. For example, there’s a part of you that enjoys being attractive to men you desire. Yet you judge yourself for that and seem to have some very harsh beliefs about what that means about you as a woman. Is that true? Is it necessary? Are there healthy and acceptable ways to get it out of your system?

OP here- you hit the nail on the head. Now that the feelings have passed, it’s making me think I’m missing something from my life and need to address it. And that is adventure, feeling wanted and beautiful. My family is extremely down to earth, so is my husbands, but that’s the downside, you don’t feel like needing or wanting some of that zing in your life is a good value. That’s a bit too extreme. Think after two years of covid (I had a covid baby last year early in the pandemic) I really miss excitement.

PP here. OP, that’s great that you feel that way. I work in a male dominated field that is very focused on intellect only. I think often for women like us, repressing your feminine qualities is part of the rise to the top. But you deserve to feel like a woman and attractive. Maybe going out for a girls night where you dress up and go somewhere nice could be a first step. See if you have any friends who are fun and more free spirited. I would also talk to your husband about how you feel like you need that side of things. Just to let him know how you’re feeling, not necessarily with expectations for him to change. Spice it up with him if he’s up for it. Have fun, you deserve it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a nothingburger. Why are you sabotaging yourself over this? You had a moment with a handsome single guy. He send a message, you politely turned him down. It’s over, why are you still dwelling on it?

The kind of women who start sentences with "So," or "Well," are prone to this level of drama.

LOL! So true!

An super thirsty for attention. Who posts videos of themselves on Instagram?

Yes this is part of the problem. Can't you make it private for just your friends???

The guy is a obvious creep, and OP needs to probably stay off social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, he thinks that you will be willing and open to have a NSA ONS with him.

He knows you are married and just had a kid, BUT, he also think you are MBA (Married But Available).

The question is - why would he think that your morals are loose and you will be willing to have an extra-marital affair? And no, you are not hot.

I would not be flattered. A man whose own wife divorced his a$$ is not a catch.

Yes he sounds like a big loser.

OP needs to put her family/kids first. Why did she waste oxygen on this nonsense? That's my big question.

[Anonymous]

Congrats! You are human and enjoy being flattered. You didn't do anything wrong. You could have posted a nude and it is his responsibility to not say anything weird.