My dad asked me to call him nightly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG this breaks my heart for your dad. What it must have taken for him to realize it's when he feels most vulnerable and that talking to you would help him. Call him OP. He's your dad. You want him there for you if things were bad for you.

I agree with all of this

[Anonymous]

Please help your Dad. You will understand this when he is gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please help your Dad. You will understand this when he is gone.

How do you know her dad isn't a raging asshole who tried to disinherit her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please help your Dad. You will understand this when he is gone.

How do you know her dad isn't a raging asshole who tried to disinherit her?

Lol...

How is it that you pop up on EVERY parent hating thread? It's almost uncanny. Don't you have a job or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's very sweet. Put yourself in his position and think about how much that call would mean to you. I'm sure there were plenty of times when you were little that your dad put himself out for you. Now, you have a wonderful way to teach your children about love and respect through the generations by incorporating them into saying goodnight to their grandfather. This isn't a problem, it's a blessing.

+1 million

This is how you teach your kids how to show live and respect to elders. What a gift that your dad tells you what he needs. It’s a small thing to ask. Give it to him. You’re showing your kids how you hope they will treat you when you are old and alone.

[Anonymous]

That is sad OP. Sad for your dad, and I also fully understand how that is a burden for you.

I think the ideas for regular check ins, especially w/ a video link, are great. And I also think it's good, right off the bat, to not necessarily commit to every single day. Line up other family and friends in that slot - just tell folks that evenings are hard for him and he'd really love to have folks check in. If you tell enough people that (and maybe you even coordinate a bit of a schedule for the first few weeks - like Jane calls on Mondays, Dick calls on Tuesday, etc...) then you can ensure he has the daily check ins he wants without you having to do all of that yourself.

Build in support for him without having to carry all of that yourself. That will serve all of you well in the long run.

Also, I did a daily phone call w/ Mom for more than 4 years. Often I wished I didn't have quite the absolute requirements of daily. Often I reminded myself that it wouldn't be forever and someday I'd know that I put that time in. My mom died last week. I couldn't do everything I might have wanted to in her last few weeks, but I logged more than a thousand calls with her in her last years. So there is comfort in that - which I say not to pressure you for the daily thing, but just to support you in knowing that whatever you are able to do will bring you comfort at some point in the future.

Best thing I've gotten from DCUM in recent months: "You don't have to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm." It's VERY appropriate for these kinds of balancing acts in the sandwich generation crunch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's very sweet. Put yourself in his position and think about how much that call would mean to you. I'm sure there were plenty of times when you were little that your dad put himself out for you. Now, you have a wonderful way to teach your children about love and respect through the generations by incorporating them into saying goodnight to their grandfather. This isn't a problem, it's a blessing.

+1 million

This is how you teach your kids how to show live and respect to elders. What a gift that your dad tells you what he needs. It’s a small thing to ask. Give it to him. You’re showing your kids how you hope they will treat you when you are old and alone.

+1

As someone who is married to a man not from the US, seeing how they treat elders in their culture is lovely and touching. It is small things like a nightly check in that makes those older family members feel seen, valued and loved.

[Anonymous]

In my experience, old lonely widows will fall quickly and often unwisely into a new relationship.

If a nightly call would have prevented my Dad from getting snared by an evil gold-digging witch - I would have enthusiastically picked up the phone. She caused complete havoc between my Dad and me/sibling.

Your Dad seems ripe for that kind of downfall - just know there is worse out there then calling him…

I like the idea of trying to include him him in routine. After the kids are put down, have some one-on-one shirt chat…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He lost my mom earlier this year. I call or kids facetime maybe four-five times a week. Or else have him over. Today he said we really need to call more, preferably between 8-9, when he fees loneliest. That is my wind down and kid bedtime. I said of course but now feel guilty and pressured.

I think you and the kids each take turns calling him at 8pm to say goodnight. 5 minutes.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s sweet that he vocalized and I would try to do it or rotate which of your kids call him. But, it’s a hard thing to unwind. I know because my mom still expects a nightly check in and my dad died 7 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Find a kids book that you like - copy for home and copy for dad. He reads to them to help unwind. He feels valuable and connected. He also knows he is not alone. Would that work?

[Anonymous]

It’s a big deal that your dad asked for this. If your dad has been a good dad or a good enough dad, you need to do it. Figure out how to make it part of the routine.

[Anonymous]

OP, Call briefly between 8 and 9. Briefly. 5-10 minutes. Goodnight call. That's it. But call daily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you incorporate the call into maybe a facetime bedtime story for the kids? Incentive to be ready for bed on time so Grandfather can read a story.

This is a good idea!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a big deal that your dad asked for this. If your dad has been a good dad or a good enough dad, you need to do it. Figure out how to make it part of the routine.

+1