My dad asked me to call him nightly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG this breaks my heart for your dad. What it must have taken for him to realize it's when he feels most vulnerable and that talking to you would help him. Call him OP. He's your dad. You want him there for you if things were bad for you.

I agree with all of this

Me, too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG this breaks my heart for your dad. What it must have taken for him to realize it's when he feels most vulnerable and that talking to you would help him. Call him OP. He's your dad. You want him there for you if things were bad for you.

+1. My husband did this for his father for a year. It was draining on our family time a little, but so worth it for both of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would try to share the nightly calls with someone else he likes. Another relative, a friend? Create a schedule and send automatic reminders on people's phones so they don't forget.

No, don't do this. it's over the top.

If it's too much for you, set your boundary. I can call x times a week and email/text x times. You need to keep gently pushing him to do social activities....see a friend-outside if he is nervous about Covid, join a support group, go to a senior center and sign up for something, volunteer. I enabled my mom for too long thinking I was doing the right thing and it just made her more and more emotionally disabled. When I finally set boundaries she was livid....and then over time she reached out to friends and developed a social life again. It was much healthier for her. You want to be a support not a crutch or a wheelchair for someone who walks well. You can cheer him on not help him stay stuck.

[Anonymous]

Does he text? We have a huge family group text with my grown siblings, parents and an aunt. It’s been a huge source of support, especially for one person who lives alone and has had really rough times. Everyone texts on it frequently and since there are so many people, it’s okay if you silence notifications for a while. You don’t have to respond to everything.

Also, I’d try to call him every day. Great if it’s at 8 but do it when you can. For me, my calls happen on my way to and from work when I’m driving. Or sometimes I will make a quick call when I’m driving in an evening to or from a practice for one of the kids.

[Anonymous]

^and I’d really try to do the evening call if he specifically asked. He needs you right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you and he have apple watches? The walkie talkie feature works from anywhere. He can just say hi any time and you can tap it and say" hey dad, we're reading a story. want to listen?"

It also has a fall alert.

Oh! Good idea - we do not. He is often worried about falling.

Be careful with those. The fall alert went off for my mom twice when she didn’t and since she’s also not great with tech, didn’t notice. Once they called to verify or something. The other time she was with me and she looked at her watch and there was some notification that she fell and if she didn’t respond within a certain time they would send help. The watch has caused a lot of confusion for her and she can’t see it well.

I’d get an iPad or iPhone for him, have him FT and listen in on the story that way.

[Anonymous]

My dad is a recent widower. If he asked me to do this, I would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He lost my mom earlier this year. I call or kids facetime maybe four-five times a week. Or else have him over. Today he said we really need to call more, preferably between 8-9, when he fees loneliest. That is my wind down and kid bedtime. I said of course but now feel guilty and pressured.

I think you and the kids each take turns calling him at 8pm to say goodnight. 5 minutes.

My kids love to talk on the phone to their grandparents. It did take them some practice, but this is practice in a useful skill that seems less common these days. Set up a rotation.

[Anonymous]

OP, it really depends what your life is like and what your relationships with him is like. You do what works for you. Not everyone has endless time to chit chat on the phone with work, kids who have a lot of needs, spouses and many other life stressors. Sounds like a lot of people with too much free time don't get it. You have to find your balance and also keep encouraging him to spread his wings.

[Anonymous]

I know it's hard but do it. I don't lost my dad 12 years ago and miss him everyday.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP's suggestion to do it through the summer. Also look into something to ease his concerns about falling or to allow him to reach you or someone else easily. There are lots of options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it really depends what your life is like and what your relationships with him is like. You do what works for you. Not everyone has endless time to chit chat on the phone with work, kids who have a lot of needs, spouses and many other life stressors. Sounds like a lot of people with too much free time don't get it. You have to find your balance and also keep encouraging him to spread his wings.

OP doesn’t have to spend hours on the phone with him. She (and her kids) can spend a few minutes with their Dad/Grandpa. If you don’t have 10-15 minutes to talk to your widowed parent after they specifically told you what they needed, you need to rethink your priorities.

[Anonymous]

My mom called my widowed grandfather every day for years at the appointed time in the evenings. Just do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG this breaks my heart for your dad. What it must have taken for him to realize it's when he feels most vulnerable and that talking to you would help him. Call him OP. He's your dad. You want him there for you if things were bad for you.

+1 it seems like a very reasonable request

[Anonymous]

Wow! A simple phone call is all he’s asking for. And you feel “pressure”? Give me a break!
I will say that you really should lead by example. Your kids are watching you. Be decent. Be a good role model.