Travel soccer drama - how to smooth over between kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Your husband “stated” that he disagreed with the ref call, but he “stated” it so loudly that someone from the other team heard and came running over?


Ha. This was my exact reaction. Keep in mind this is outdoors too so your DH "stated" it loudly for sure.

Tell your husband to shut up at the games as a first step.

Unbelievable to me that people would focus on this, but perhaps not surprising on this site. Yes, OP's husband should not have stated it loud enough for someone else to hear, but that seems like FAR less of a psycho thing to do than threatening another parent.

+1 Questioning a ref’s call is uncool, though extraordinarily common. Running over and threatening to beat up a parent from the other team is deranged, and the people on here who think OP’s DH got what was coming to him are all ridiculous.

OP—you can’t make your kid interact with this other kid, so as long as you and DH have clearly told him why it’s not ok to penalize the kid for his dad’s behavior, there is nothing else to be done (other than continuing to tell your DH it’s inappropriate to yell at the ref).

[Anonymous]

Someone dad disses my dad we are not friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents and kids all have jerk moments. Explain this to your kid, remind him that he wouldn’t want to be judged by your worst moment then let it go.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone dad disses my dad we are not friends.

That's some trashy Hatfield-McCoy thinking right there. LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone dad disses my dad we are not friends.

That's some trashy Hatfield-McCoy thinking right there. LOL

At 12 it is hard to interact with the child without interacting with the parents. You’re cool with your kid being around that family? And yes at 12 you should be loyal to your dad. What is wrong with you people?

[Anonymous]

Has your husband spoken to your son about the incident? Maybe that would help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone dad disses my dad we are not friends.

That's some trashy Hatfield-McCoy thinking right there. LOL

At 12 it is hard to interact with the child without interacting with the parents. You’re cool with your kid being around that family? And yes at 12 you should be loyal to your dad. What is wrong with you people?

+1. I’m in my 40s and although I wouldn’t be mean to the kid I’d avoid the family. And I’d make sure to tell DH people are avoiding us too since he’s an ass at games too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Your husband “stated” that he disagreed with the ref call, but he “stated” it so loudly that someone from the other team heard and came running over?


Ha. This was my exact reaction. Keep in mind this is outdoors too so your DH "stated" it loudly for sure.

Tell your husband to shut up at the games as a first step.

Unbelievable to me that people would focus on this, but perhaps not surprising on this site. Yes, OP's husband should not have stated it loud enough for someone else to hear, but that seems like FAR less of a psycho thing to do than threatening another parent.

+1 Questioning a ref’s call is uncool, though extraordinarily common. Running over and threatening to beat up a parent from the other team is deranged, and the people on here who think OP’s DH got what was coming to him are all ridiculous.

OP—you can’t make your kid interact with this other kid, so as long as you and DH have clearly told him why it’s not ok to penalize the kid for his dad’s behavior, there is nothing else to be done (other than continuing to tell your DH it’s inappropriate to yell at the ref).

Because we understand that we are hearing only OPS side of the story of what DH said.
We then connect the dots and understand that DH said something so inflammatory--and probably about the other man's child-- rather then imagining DH said "hey come on ref! That was in!" And some raging maniac came over to beat him up.
Op is an enabler of a man with anger management problems and she's trying to figure out how to smooth things over and pick up the pieces in his wake now that his emotional dysregulation has found its way out into public vs behind closed doors where she knows how to manage it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son is being loyal to his dad. What’s wrong with that?

I agree. If my another dad came in rage against my husband you bet my boys would side with dad.

Why force your kid to say hello??? Maybe the other kid is as obnoxious as the dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Your husband “stated” that he disagreed with the ref call, but he “stated” it so loudly that someone from the other team heard and came running over?


Ha. This was my exact reaction. Keep in mind this is outdoors too so your DH "stated" it loudly for sure.

Tell your husband to shut up at the games as a first step.

Unbelievable to me that people would focus on this, but perhaps not surprising on this site. Yes, OP's husband should not have stated it loud enough for someone else to hear, but that seems like FAR less of a psycho thing to do than threatening another parent.

He was challenging the ref! That’s ridiculous in travel soccer. The coach does that, or nobody does. OP’s son is probably embarrassed that his dad started all this drama. Let him process and keep your husband away from travel soccer games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Your husband “stated” that he disagreed with the ref call, but he “stated” it so loudly that someone from the other team heard and came running over?


Ha. This was my exact reaction. Keep in mind this is outdoors too so your DH "stated" it loudly for sure.

Tell your husband to shut up at the games as a first step.

Unbelievable to me that people would focus on this, but perhaps not surprising on this site. Yes, OP's husband should not have stated it loud enough for someone else to hear, but that seems like FAR less of a psycho thing to do than threatening another parent.

+1 Questioning a ref’s call is uncool, though extraordinarily common. Running over and threatening to beat up a parent from the other team is deranged, and the people on here who think OP’s DH got what was coming to him are all ridiculous.

OP—you can’t make your kid interact with this other kid, so as long as you and DH have clearly told him why it’s not ok to penalize the kid for his dad’s behavior, there is nothing else to be done (other than continuing to tell your DH it’s inappropriate to yell at the ref).

It is NOT common in travel soccer for 11 year olds. Most teams have a rule that parents can’t yell/speak/coach/talk to the ref.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Your husband “stated” that he disagreed with the ref call, but he “stated” it so loudly that someone from the other team heard and came running over?


Ha. This was my exact reaction. Keep in mind this is outdoors too so your DH "stated" it loudly for sure.

Tell your husband to shut up at the games as a first step.

Unbelievable to me that people would focus on this, but perhaps not surprising on this site. Yes, OP's husband should not have stated it loud enough for someone else to hear, but that seems like FAR less of a psycho thing to do than threatening another parent.

+1 Questioning a ref’s call is uncool, though extraordinarily common. Running over and threatening to beat up a parent from the other team is deranged, and the people on here who think OP’s DH got what was coming to him are all ridiculous.

OP—you can’t make your kid interact with this other kid, so as long as you and DH have clearly told him why it’s not ok to penalize the kid for his dad’s behavior, there is nothing else to be done (other than continuing to tell your DH it’s inappropriate to yell at the ref).

It is NOT common in travel soccer for 11 year olds. Most teams have a rule that parents can’t yell/speak/coach/talk to the ref.

I agree it shouldn't happen and parents should STFU, but it IS common at all ages in travel. Parents act like PITAs, and often are wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Your husband “stated” that he disagreed with the ref call, but he “stated” it so loudly that someone from the other team heard and came running over?


Ha. This was my exact reaction. Keep in mind this is outdoors too so your DH "stated" it loudly for sure.

Tell your husband to shut up at the games as a first step.

Unbelievable to me that people would focus on this, but perhaps not surprising on this site. Yes, OP's husband should not have stated it loud enough for someone else to hear, but that seems like FAR less of a psycho thing to do than threatening another parent.

+1 Questioning a ref’s call is uncool, though extraordinarily common. Running over and threatening to beat up a parent from the other team is deranged, and the people on here who think OP’s DH got what was coming to him are all ridiculous.

OP—you can’t make your kid interact with this other kid, so as long as you and DH have clearly told him why it’s not ok to penalize the kid for his dad’s behavior, there is nothing else to be done (other than continuing to tell your DH it’s inappropriate to yell at the ref).

It is NOT common in travel soccer for 11 year olds. Most teams have a rule that parents can’t yell/speak/coach/talk to the ref.

Not common? LOL.

Take your comments to the Soccer page. The parents will chew you up there!

You certainly don't have kids (boys) in Travel soccer.

[Anonymous]

Because we understand that we are hearing only OPS side of the story of what DH said.
We then connect the dots and understand that DH said something so inflammatory--and probably about the other man's child-- rather then imagining DH said "hey come on ref! That was in!"

It wasn't anything about his kid, who is a goalie. It was disagreement with whether someone was off sides, basically, "he was offsides." This is not the focus, however. I have expressed to DS that I would like him to be polite to this kid. DH has experessed to DS that he would like him to be polite to him when they see each other in public (but not ever walk over to his house, if other neighborhood kids are going back there from the park). At this point, since we can't follow DS everywhere he goes, he's either going to listen or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband “stated” that he disagreed with the ref call, but he “stated” it so loudly that someone from the other team heard and came running over?

This. Let’s start with the fact that your husband was being a jerk.

Now your son is.

Take him aside and tell him he’s being a jerk. Focus on your son’s behavior not the actions of the other kid.