Travel soccer drama - how to smooth over between kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Remind DS that the poor kid has a dad who overreacts and embarrasses himself. The other kid deserves compassion for what he has to live with. I’m sure you saw a tiny snippet of the dad’s bad behavior. The other kids probably needs more friends, not less. I feel bad for the poor kid, which might be a more helpful emotion for you DS to channel if he doesn’t want to be a jerk.

+1
Completely agree with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents and kids all have jerk moments. Explain this to your kid, remind him that he wouldn’t want to be judged by your worst moment then let it go.

Pp here. Also, know that’s it’s ok if your kid doesn’t react exactly as you wish he would. Just dispense the life lesson you wish he’d take from it and know that the in 3 years he might act differently in a similar situation. Lots of life lessons handed out by sports. Just be patient.

[Anonymous]

Stay out of it and let the kids sort it out. Your DH overreacted and yelled at a youth sports game. So did the other dad. Now you have two almost teen boys with raging testosterone keeping it going to honor their fathers. It will settle down. And tell your own DH to never question a ref at a game and to tone it down too. You can only control him, not others. If your son is 12 you have been around a while and observed the crazy in youth sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband “stated” that he disagreed with the ref call, but he “stated” it so loudly that someone from the other team heard and came running over?

Right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband “stated” that he disagreed with the ref call, but he “stated” it so loudly that someone from the other team heard and came running over?

Right?

+1. 100% guarantee OP's DH acted like an ass first.

[Anonymous]

How do you know your kid is not speaking to the other kid? Have you witnessed it? Has he told you?

Have you asked if something else happened? Maybe this other kid said something (unkind, at the least) to your kid about the incident and DS's reaction is to that rather than the dads' behavior at the game.

And yes, this whole situation would have been avoided had your DH kept quiet. It took my DH about 10 years to learn to quiet down at games, just in time for our kids to be done playing. Regardless of the rest of the situation, your kid does NOT want to hear his dad complaining from the sidelines.

I've witnessed it, asked my son why, and he said he didn't like the kid because his dad threatened to punch DH. While I have expressed to DH that I disagree with him saying anything at soccer games about calls, at the end of the day, he's a grown man and responsible for himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

How do you know your kid is not speaking to the other kid? Have you witnessed it? Has he told you?

Have you asked if something else happened? Maybe this other kid said something (unkind, at the least) to your kid about the incident and DS's reaction is to that rather than the dads' behavior at the game.

And yes, this whole situation would have been avoided had your DH kept quiet. It took my DH about 10 years to learn to quiet down at games, just in time for our kids to be done playing. Regardless of the rest of the situation, your kid does NOT want to hear his dad complaining from the sidelines.

I've witnessed it, asked my son why, and he said he didn't like the kid because his dad threatened to punch DH. While I have expressed to DH that I disagree with him saying anything at soccer games about calls, at the end of the day, he's a grown man and responsible for himself.

Haha lol no.
Your Husband is -at the end of the day - responsible for his wife and his child and should stfu

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

How do you know your kid is not speaking to the other kid? Have you witnessed it? Has he told you?

Have you asked if something else happened? Maybe this other kid said something (unkind, at the least) to your kid about the incident and DS's reaction is to that rather than the dads' behavior at the game.

And yes, this whole situation would have been avoided had your DH kept quiet. It took my DH about 10 years to learn to quiet down at games, just in time for our kids to be done playing. Regardless of the rest of the situation, your kid does NOT want to hear his dad complaining from the sidelines.

I've witnessed it, asked my son why, and he said he didn't like the kid because his dad threatened to punch DH. While I have expressed to DH that I disagree with him saying anything at soccer games about calls, at the end of the day, he's a grown man and responsible for himself.

Haha lol no.
Your Husband is -at the end of the day - responsible for his wife and his child and should stfu

Right??
That is trite and true enabling language right there.

Your husband is not only responsible for himself, his actions make him responsible for all of your safety, as well.

Your husband without a doubt instigated this entire scenario... you all can blame it on the "psycho" dad as much as you want, but if her husband didn't loudly object to the ref, none of this would have happened.

Your husband wrote a check that his ass couldn't cash... and whether your son admits it or not, he's embarrassed by that just as much as he is by his dad loud objection towards the ref.

Show your husband some YouTube videos of other dads "stating" their objections at youth games -- show him what he looks like.

[Anonymous]

Imagine showing up to your child's event and making a scene.!?!?

Your husband is an immature idiot who just cost his son a level of comfort at his own activity and possibly a friendship.

You need to disallow him to go to games until he can control himself level a normally functioning adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stay out of it and let the kids sort it out. Your DH overreacted and yelled at a youth sports game. So did the other dad. Now you have two almost teen boys with raging testosterone keeping it going to honor their fathers. It will settle down. And tell your own DH to never question a ref at a game and to tone it down too. You can only control him, not others. If your son is 12 you have been around a while and observed the crazy in youth sports.

+1

OP, your husband was just as bad as the other dad. He needs to let the coach talk to the ref about calls, it is not his place, and is obnoxious. The behavior of both of the dads in this scenario is partially why we have a referee shortage!

But the kids will figure it out, and remind your son that his dad made a mistake/poor choice too at the very same game.

[Anonymous]

Well done to the dads for ruining the camaraderie and fun of the sport. Ugh. You guys are terrible people.

[Anonymous]

It is what happens when you act like fools. STFU as another poster said.

A ref or umpire in a youth or school game makes a call you disagree with? So what? With 4 kids I watched and coached thousand is games/meets/ events over the years. If you have any intelligence at all you learn quickly to keep your mouth shut. None of them matter. Here’s a good test - when they graduate college will it end up their resume? My daughter has her college soccer as a line on her resume. One son has his powerlifting as a hobby on his resume. The others - nothing.

And an adult is going to yell about something at a kid game? Yeah. STFU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband “stated” that he disagreed with the ref call, but he “stated” it so loudly that someone from the other team heard and came running over?

Like others I thought the same thing. Be honest and say it like it really was. Both my kids play competitive sports, and we hate calls all the time. We wait until we are all driving home, inside our car, to discuss the game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

How do you know your kid is not speaking to the other kid? Have you witnessed it? Has he told you?

Have you asked if something else happened? Maybe this other kid said something (unkind, at the least) to your kid about the incident and DS's reaction is to that rather than the dads' behavior at the game.

And yes, this whole situation would have been avoided had your DH kept quiet. It took my DH about 10 years to learn to quiet down at games, just in time for our kids to be done playing. Regardless of the rest of the situation, your kid does NOT want to hear his dad complaining from the sidelines.

I've witnessed it, asked my son why, and he said he didn't like the kid because his dad threatened to punch DH. While I have expressed to DH that I disagree with him saying anything at soccer games about calls, at the end of the day, he's a grown man and responsible for himself.

Then I think you let it go. Your son is 12. This may be a personality trait of his. I am not like this, but my husband is, and I can completely see him doing something like your son is doing.

I think the bigger issue is your husband needs to shut up and the other dad should have been banned from being a spectator for threatening physical violence.

[Anonymous]

It's possible that the kids have exchanged sharp words separately from their dads that you are being shielded from.

Provide your opinion but then you have to let the boys sort it out.