FIL licks his fingers and touches everyone’s food

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone has gross habits then I find ways around it. Don't touch my food with the hands you just licked. I will either fix my own plate, eat separately, or offer to do the serving, or say I'm not hungry just coffee this morning. It has nothing to do with "love" it's just common sense. My parents and in-laws are in their 70s, I end up doing a lot of the serving, getting up and passing things and all the other work anyway. I don't get waited on hand and foot and then complain about it. Sounds lazy.

OP here. I, too, don’t get “waited on hand and food”—I bring my own food and work around it. Nothing “lazy” about it.

Not talking about you necessarily, you have found a solution to your problem. But the weirdo poster who associates being served with being "loved" as if love is measured by a plate of food being passed. But these all sound like passive aggressive games and I would just opt out. Doesn't sound worth it to go along with or fight back by eating a banana in front of FIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like you two deserve each other.

+1 nutjobs

Are you in the habit of putting your saliva on food before handing it to others? Interesting.

I make my own food. Why does someone make your food and hand it to you?

Why not? It’s love and often just good manners. It’s sad no one likes you enough to make up a plate for you.

Licking your fingers as you slice bagels is not “love” or “good manners.” Give me a break.

You sound like you have control issues—wanting to monitor and observe and decide who eats what, how much and when. No thanks.

You sound very weird. My mom always serves us when we visit, because she wants to. She doesn’t lick anything. OP is free to bring her food if the FIL is not hygienic. Why are you being dense and pretending that everyone who serves food is doing something gross?

Well then your little anecdote isn’t relevant, now is it? How nice that your mom doesn’t lick her fingers when serving food. Thanks for that fascinating story that has nothing to do with FIL who DOES lick his fingers when he serves food. Congratulations on contributing nothing.

Weirdo. Carry on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Especially during breakfast, FIL licks fingers as he does things like slices bagels and passes things to other people. I finally have had enough, and won’t participate in his shenanigans anymore. He made much of lording over the table yesterday, because he knows I don’t like it. We’re all on vacation at a cabin together. Well, guess what, FIL? We brought tons of our own, extra food this year. I delighted in keeping some in the back bedroom and coming out with my own breakfast yesterday. He was all, “Where did you get that?” And I just smiled and said, “We brought it. I didn’t feel like a bagel this morning.” Big smile. I will never show up without extra food just for us again—I am relishing his powerlessness.

My mom does this and I find comfort in knowing others have gross parents in on laws lol. It’s so disgusting seeing an adult lick her fingers. And she never washes her hands, like I never see her so it, even after all we’ve been through the last year and a half. I can’t call her out because she’s a very defensive person and would play hurt victim. That being said, I know it’s not an intentional thing, she just has really horrible hygiene habits.

[Anonymous]

I would not eat with in laws that have horrible hygiene and control issues OP. Why not stay somewhere else nearby and not be dependant on these people? Show up after breakfast, pack your own lunch, leave before dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not eat with in laws that have horrible hygiene and control issues OP. Why not stay somewhere else nearby and not be dependant on these people? Show up after breakfast, pack your own lunch, leave before dinner.

+1

Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone has gross habits then I find ways around it. Don't touch my food with the hands you just licked. I will either fix my own plate, eat separately, or offer to do the serving, or say I'm not hungry just coffee this morning. It has nothing to do with "love" it's just common sense. My parents and in-laws are in their 70s, I end up doing a lot of the serving, getting up and passing things and all the other work anyway. I don't get waited on hand and foot and then complain about it. Sounds lazy.

OP here. I, too, don’t get “waited on hand and food”—I bring my own food and work around it. Nothing “lazy” about it.

Not talking about you necessarily, you have found a solution to your problem. But the weirdo poster who associates being served with being "loved" as if love is measured by a plate of food being passed. But these all sound like passive aggressive games and I would just opt out. Doesn't sound worth it to go along with or fight back by eating a banana in front of FIL.

So OP is supposed to either eat bagels with hus saliva on them, or hide in her room to eat instead of in the dining area with everyone else? What’s your solution? I fail to see why she would have to hide because he can’t keep his paws off people’s food.

-np

[Anonymous]

Your passive-aggressive crap would not work for me. I simply wouldn't get into situations where I'm sharing meals with the guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like you two deserve each other.

+1 nutjobs

Are you in the habit of putting your saliva on food before handing it to others? Interesting.

I make my own food. Why does someone make your food and hand it to you?

Why not? It’s love and often just good manners. It’s sad no one likes you enough to make up a plate for you.

Licking your fingers as you slice bagels is not “love” or “good manners.” Give me a break.

You sound like you have control issues—wanting to monitor and observe and decide who eats what, how much and when. No thanks.

You sound very weird. My mom always serves us when we visit, because she wants to. She doesn’t lick anything. OP is free to bring her food if the FIL is not hygienic. Why are you being dense and pretending that everyone who serves food is doing something gross?

Well then your little anecdote isn’t relevant, now is it? How nice that your mom doesn’t lick her fingers when serving food. Thanks for that fascinating story that has nothing to do with FIL who DOES lick his fingers when he serves food. Congratulations on contributing nothing.

You sound nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your passive-aggressive crap would not work for me. I simply wouldn't get into situations where I'm sharing meals with the guy.

Aren’t you a peace to suggest that avoiding grandparent vacations altogether is somehow more noble than bringing a granola bar.

[Anonymous]

I love posts about weird food habits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think Boomers are weird about food. My dad *always* needs to take a bite or lick of other people's food. He does it MORE after I tell him to stop. It's like a compulsion. Drives me insane. I don't let him sit next to my kids anymore when we are eating.

+1. I’m not obvious about it, but I work it so that neither my ILs or my parents are every plating or getting stuff for me and my kids. I just work kitchen magic and help in such a way that it’s not happening. Licking fingers is the tip of the iceberg, unfortunately. Boomers have gross kitchen habits—I’ve seen my aunts, uncles and mom’s friends at work, too.

Wait, is this really a boomer thing? My ILs do the same thing, and I think it's icky, but had no idea it was a generational thing. I'm from another culture that does not do this.

Maybe a weird post-war "don't waste food" thing?

My boomer relatives are OBSESSED with food. They monitor and mentally record what everyone eats. And will recount randomly. So so weird.

Yes! They are obsessed. Although that may have to do with their history of yo-yo dieting and a daughter with an eating disorder. They like hosting and serving food, but not being guests at someone's home. They always make comments about what people are eating and not eating and how much and how little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My own mother does the same thing and while it has always grossed me out I don't believe it's an intentional act to upset anyone.

You do you, OP, but you might want to consider that your FIL may just have a gross habit that isn't about you.

I didn’t read where she said it was about her. It’s about being gross it’s a horrible gross habit nobody wants food that someone’s touched after they lick their fingers is gross it’s absolutely disgusting and it’s inconsiderate to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My own mother does the same thing and while it has always grossed me out I don't believe it's an intentional act to upset anyone.

You do you, OP, but you might want to consider that your FIL may just have a gross habit that isn't about you.

I didn’t read where she said it was about her. It’s about being gross it’s a horrible gross habit nobody wants food that someone’s touched after they lick their fingers is gross it’s absolutely disgusting and it’s inconsiderate to do.

+1. She never said, “And I’m the only one he does this to, and I take it personally.” I wouldn’t want anyone’s spit or germs on my food, either. And if I talked to them about it and the behavior continued, that’s a game over for me.

[Anonymous]

“No thanks, George. All the stuff about Covid and then those big food contaminations on the news really has me thinking about food handling. I’m just really skittish about other people handling my food. I’ll get my own bagel, thank you.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“No thanks, George. All the stuff about Covid and then those big food contaminations on the news really has me thinking about food handling. I’m just really skittish about other people handling my food. I’ll get my own bagel, thank you.”

OP here. YES, I’ve already done this. Before Covid and certainly after. He refuses. He lords over the kitchen and literally will not get out of the way. So eff him, I bring my own food from now on, and eat it right in front of his face. And I’ve told him exactly why: “No thanks, you lick your hands when you cut bagels, and there’s no way you’re touching mine.”