Friend loses 90 pounds and rips apart fat people

[Anonymous]

I’d love to know how she lost the weight.

[Anonymous]

People criticize and put down other people to make themselves feel better. It might be the only way she thinks she can feel good about herself and that is pitiful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People often think that they'll be different people when they lose weight. They'll be happier, less insecure, less reactionary. less judgmental.

None of that is true. They're the same people, just with a lower number on the scale.

If OP's friend didn't work on anything BUT weight loss, she's going to gain it back and then OP might not have to hear it anymore.

Sustained maintenance takes inner work, as well. Sounds like she skipped that part.

They will be happier because they will feel better about themselves and people will treat them better. The other things have nothing to do with weight, and no one expects them to. You sound like you're rationalizing by confounding the benefits of weight loss with unobtainable goals, through weight loss that is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People often think that they'll be different people when they lose weight. They'll be happier, less insecure, less reactionary. less judgmental.

None of that is true. They're the same people, just with a lower number on the scale.

If OP's friend didn't work on anything BUT weight loss, she's going to gain it back and then OP might not have to hear it anymore.

Sustained maintenance takes inner work, as well. Sounds like she skipped that part.

They will be happier because they will feel better about themselves and people will treat them better. The other things have nothing to do with weight, and no one expects them to. You sound like you're rationalizing by confounding the benefits of weight loss with unobtainable goals, through weight loss that is.

But this is the problem. If you lose weight and the weight loss makes you like yourself more and also seems to make others like you more as well, you've totally externalized your self worth. It's a really unhealthy situation to be in, because now if you don't maintain the lower weight, you will spiral and feel worse about yourself than ever. It's no different than a beautiful person who gets all of their self worth from their good looks, and then freaks out over aging.

No matter your weight, you have to find a way to love and value yourself that is totally independent of your weight or appearance. Long term, that's the only way to motivate you to take care of yourself even when you're up a few (or more than a few) pounds, or otherwise not looking your best.

I know women who fought hard to lose weight and then had a total crisis when they had kids, even though they didn't gain an unhealthy amount in their pregnancies or take an unusually long amount of time to get back in shape. But just seeing their weight go up over the course of the pregnancy caused a crisis of confidence because they were addicted to feeling of self-worth they got from feeling skinny. And in that case, it had nothing to do with how others treated them because pregnancy is the one time that people will praise you for weight gain. PP is right -- it's internal. You can't just base your entire self worth on your weight. It will never work.

[Anonymous]

My older sibling did this. She lost around 100 lbs and called everyone fat. She gained it back ... and still calls other overweight people fat. Just move on.

[Anonymous]

So I’ll admit that when I lost a substantial amount of weight in my early 20s I did this. I wasn’t as overtly mean or hostile as OP’s friend, but I recognize the impulse.

At that point, there was so much insecurity and internalized self-hatred that yeah, there was a weird impulse (at least for me) to distance myself from what I used to be. I was genuinely revolted by fat people just like I’d been genuinely revolted by myself. It goes much deeper than the weight.

Anyway, it took me years, and several phases of significant change in weight both directions to finally become comfortable in my skin and let that all go. Not to mention therapy.

This is not at all to excuse the behavior. That should be corrected. But if she’s your friend and it’s coming from a person who’s otherwise kind and caring and whatever other values you look for, maybe try to at least consider the possibility that it’s coming from a place of a lot of unresolved pain. Talk to her about that. People who are living healthy lives, in the broad sense of the term, have no need to mock or belittle or show cruelty to others. She’s not healthy yet.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s because your friend did it so she feels that other people in similar circumstances can do it and also I am sure it was hard and time consuming so she has to boost its value.

FWIW, I lost over 60lb and kept it off. I did it for purely medical reasons when my BP started going up but I never had any angst about my weight before and never cared about it in terms of looks much so perhaps because of that, I still have no particular interest or opinions about other people’s weight. I am happy my weight loss brought down my BP and being able to wear cute clothes and fly up the stairs are great benefits but there is no inherent moral virtue in either and I wish people would realize that. I am not any better person at size 4 than I was at size 14/16.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No joke...apparently she's still a nasty person inside despite losing 90 lbs. I love to celebrate people's wins. However when you post that size 14 = not sexy size 2 = sexy. Plus a bunch of other - fat people are lazy in your long description of your transformation, I'm not celebrating that hate.

We need more of this , no excuses

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, its an unpopular opinion but in some ways she's not wrong.

I wouldn't go around saying it but absent medical issues like thyroid disorders (etc.), overweight and obese people really have little to no self restraint. They lack impulse control and dedication. It's working out and eating at a caloric deficit, not rocket science. Anyone can do it. My fatter friends always love blaming genetics, but that's not it. They eat like crap and feed crap to their kids so when the kids become fat they point and say, "see? Genetics!" No, it's your diet.

Who cares if she is right or wrong. Or if it is genetics or the food chain or lack of impulse control. She's being mean. Just because something is true doesn't mean you have to spout it out. When I get a gift I don't LOVE I don't expose all the criticisms I have of the gift (it's ugly! It's stupid!) but I just say "thank you, it was kind of you to think of me" and then I stop and I don't say "when you saw this hideous monstrosity."

I'd call her out on it and ask her why she's being mean. Go from there.

But this was posted and health and medicine, not relationships. If she's mean and that's OP's issue with her than OP can simply unfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, its an unpopular opinion but in some ways she's not wrong.

I wouldn't go around saying it but absent medical issues like thyroid disorders (etc.), overweight and obese people really have little to no self restraint. They lack impulse control and dedication. It's working out and eating at a caloric deficit, not rocket science. Anyone can do it. My fatter friends always love blaming genetics, but that's not it. They eat like crap and feed crap to their kids so when the kids become fat they point and say, "see? Genetics!" No, it's your diet.

Maybe they have restraint in areas that you do not. What do you do to improve your mind, your talents, your character, your relationships, your knowledge, your humanity? Anything? Or do you only focus on your physical self?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, its an unpopular opinion but in some ways she's not wrong.

I wouldn't go around saying it but absent medical issues like thyroid disorders (etc.), overweight and obese people really have little to no self restraint. They lack impulse control and dedication. It's working out and eating at a caloric deficit, not rocket science. Anyone can do it. My fatter friends always love blaming genetics, but that's not it. They eat like crap and feed crap to their kids so when the kids become fat they point and say, "see? Genetics!" No, it's your diet.

Most, if not almost all, obese people are struggling with trauma/PTSD issues and need therapy. it isn’t rocket science to understand ACEs (Adverse childhood experiences) and their effects on health.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32479804/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, its an unpopular opinion but in some ways she's not wrong.

I wouldn't go around saying it but absent medical issues like thyroid disorders (etc.), overweight and obese people really have little to no self restraint. They lack impulse control and dedication. It's working out and eating at a caloric deficit, not rocket science. Anyone can do it. My fatter friends always love blaming genetics, but that's not it. They eat like crap and feed crap to their kids so when the kids become fat they point and say, "see? Genetics!" No, it's your diet.

Aren’t you a peach. I bet you’re ugly on the outside too - regardless of how thin you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, its an unpopular opinion but in some ways she's not wrong.

I wouldn't go around saying it but absent medical issues like thyroid disorders (etc.), overweight and obese people really have little to no self restraint. They lack impulse control and dedication. It's working out and eating at a caloric deficit, not rocket science. Anyone can do it. My fatter friends always love blaming genetics, but that's not it. They eat like crap and feed crap to their kids so when the kids become fat they point and say, "see? Genetics!" No, it's your diet.

Most, if not almost all, obese people are struggling with trauma/PTSD issues and need therapy. it isn’t rocket science to understand ACEs (Adverse childhood experiences) and their effects on health.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32479804/

Life was 400,000,000 million billion times harder and more traumatic 100 years ago and regular people weren’t fat. It’s a lot easier to sit around and study a “problem” than to just actually appreciate it for what it is. People eat processed garbage and don’t move enough. That’s the actual problem.

[Anonymous]

Losing weight has a very negative side effect. You become painfully aware of how horrible people are! Thin people are treated so much better in our society. It was really shocking to me how much nicer people were to me. I suddenly became visible and random strangers were just nice. It’s really a shock! She is likely dealing with that anger. Give her time to process. But I will fully admit that I became much more of a misanthrope after my weight loss. I didn’t pick on fat people but I still have anger over it.