Friend loses 90 pounds and rips apart fat people

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People often think that they'll be different people when they lose weight. They'll be happier, less insecure, less reactionary. less judgmental.

None of that is true. They're the same people, just with a lower number on the scale.

If OP's friend didn't work on anything BUT weight loss, she's going to gain it back and then OP might not have to hear it anymore.

Sustained maintenance takes inner work, as well. Sounds like she skipped that part.

+1

I'd wonder if the mean comments aren't a way to try to distance herself from the person she was before; she's disgusted and afraid she might gain the weight back, so shaming other overweight people is a way of pre-emptively shaming herself. The thing is, it's pretty well known that shame isn't a great motivator to lose weight, and often backfires. But the real issue is that losing weight doesn't make you a better person; you're the same person you always were, just lighter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, its an unpopular opinion but in some ways she's not wrong.

I wouldn't go around saying it but absent medical issues like thyroid disorders (etc.), overweight and obese people really have little to no self restraint. They lack impulse control and dedication. It's working out and eating at a caloric deficit, not rocket science. Anyone can do it. My fatter friends always love blaming genetics, but that's not it. They eat like crap and feed crap to their kids so when the kids become fat they point and say, "see? Genetics!" No, it's your diet.

What’s your background, PP? Are you in medicine? Physiological research? Dietician?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She shed the pounds, but not the insecurity within.

This. She also is probably deathly afraid of gaining it back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, its an unpopular opinion but in some ways she's not wrong.

I wouldn't go around saying it but absent medical issues like thyroid disorders (etc.), overweight and obese people really have little to no self restraint. They lack impulse control and dedication. It's working out and eating at a caloric deficit, not rocket science. Anyone can do it. My fatter friends always love blaming genetics, but that's not it. They eat like crap and feed crap to their kids so when the kids become fat they point and say, "see? Genetics!" No, it's your diet.

I think you need to meet more people. Plenty of fat individuals are extremely dedicated to their careers and family and have lots of willpower and self-restraint. Of course don’t try to be friends with them. That wouldn’t do them any good.

[Anonymous]

Hmm, I just lost a considerable chunk of weight and I have actually clung to my prejudices against judgmental skinny people. I would rather be overweight than be a skinny person who goes on and on about how heavier people are gross and have no self-control.

I have relatives who are naturally very skinny, have never been remotely overweight, and they have always been very critical of overweight people, even those who are overweight for reasons that are obviously not related to "a lack of restraint." Having been anorexic, normal, overweight and back to normal again, I have empathy for anyone who struggles with their weight and body image. It took me many years to develop a healthy relationship with food and exercise - it doesn't just come naturally for everyone.

[Anonymous]

The meanest friend I ever had was a woman who had been chubby (not even really fat, just a bit rounder) her entire life, but then got down to a size 2 or so when she was in her early 30s. It was like every mean thing she'd ever thought about herself or that anyone had ever said or insinuated about her chubbier self, she now believed she was entitled to say about others. She had clearly internalized the idea that thinner meant "better" in every way, and therefore decided that once she was thin, she really was better.

The sad thing to me was that her thinness only lasted a couple years and was probably the result of an eating disorder. She went back to her rounder, chubbier self not long after. I have no idea if she ever found self-acceptance with that body -- I got the hell out of dodge when she was in her thin-and-abusive mode. The stuff she said and did during that time was really terrible, and felt doubly awful because it was a way of hurting others AND her formerly chubby self at the same time.

This is why I support the body acceptance movement. You don't have to believe fat is healthy or fat is sexy or fat is beautiful (sexy and beautiful are subjective anyway). But teaching fat people to hate themselves and their bodies doesn't help anyone. It didn't help my former friend and it didn't help the people she abused when she thought she was thin enough to be allowed to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The meanest friend I ever had was a woman who had been chubby (not even really fat, just a bit rounder) her entire life, but then got down to a size 2 or so when she was in her early 30s. It was like every mean thing she'd ever thought about herself or that anyone had ever said or insinuated about her chubbier self, she now believed she was entitled to say about others. She had clearly internalized the idea that thinner meant "better" in every way, and therefore decided that once she was thin, she really was better.

The sad thing to me was that her thinness only lasted a couple years and was probably the result of an eating disorder. She went back to her rounder, chubbier self not long after. I have no idea if she ever found self-acceptance with that body -- I got the hell out of dodge when she was in her thin-and-abusive mode. The stuff she said and did during that time was really terrible, and felt doubly awful because it was a way of hurting others AND her formerly chubby self at the same time.

This is why I support the body acceptance movement. You don't have to believe fat is healthy or fat is sexy or fat is beautiful (sexy and beautiful are subjective anyway). But teaching fat people to hate themselves and their bodies doesn't help anyone. It didn't help my former friend and it didn't help the people she abused when she thought she was thin enough to be allowed to do so.

+1

Some people seem to think that being thin means you are a better person, or a superior person, and that it's okay to say things about overweight people that we would all recognize are totally inappropriate and unkind if they were directed at people with any other kind of "flaw." And it doesn't help people lose weight, let along be healthy or happy.

[Anonymous]

Remember that hunger makes you cranky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, its an unpopular opinion but in some ways she's not wrong.

I wouldn't go around saying it but absent medical issues like thyroid disorders (etc.), overweight and obese people really have little to no self restraint. They lack impulse control and dedication. It's working out and eating at a caloric deficit, not rocket science. Anyone can do it. My fatter friends always love blaming genetics, but that's not it. They eat like crap and feed crap to their kids so when the kids become fat they point and say, "see? Genetics!" No, it's your diet.

It's the hypocrisy that's wrong, not the message of it being an unhealthy way to live. Anytime a person has struggled in an area and then triumphs, it is a must that they remain humble in said area. Looking down at people with disdain, who you at one time could relate to, is a form of self-hate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, its an unpopular opinion but in some ways she's not wrong.

I wouldn't go around saying it but absent medical issues like thyroid disorders (etc.), overweight and obese people really have little to no self restraint. They lack impulse control and dedication. It's working out and eating at a caloric deficit, not rocket science. Anyone can do it. My fatter friends always love blaming genetics, but that's not it. They eat like crap and feed crap to their kids so when the kids become fat they point and say, "see? Genetics!" No, it's your diet.

It's the hypocrisy that's wrong, not the message of it being an unhealthy way to live. Anytime a person has struggled in an area and then triumphs, it is a must that they remain humble in said area. Looking down at people with disdain, who you at one time could relate to, is a form of self-hate.

Eh. I think that if something comes really easy to you, it's ALSO important to have some humility. Really, we should all have some humility and some compasison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, its an unpopular opinion but in some ways she's not wrong.

I wouldn't go around saying it but absent medical issues like thyroid disorders (etc.), overweight and obese people really have little to no self restraint. They lack impulse control and dedication. It's working out and eating at a caloric deficit, not rocket science. Anyone can do it. My fatter friends always love blaming genetics, but that's not it. They eat like crap and feed crap to their kids so when the kids become fat they point and say, "see? Genetics!" No, it's your diet.

You sound just as nasty as OP's friend. And incredibly uninformed. Genetics and mental health are both components, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Remember that hunger makes you cranky.

Ha this is a good point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, its an unpopular opinion but in some ways she's not wrong.

I wouldn't go around saying it but absent medical issues like thyroid disorders (etc.), overweight and obese people really have little to no self restraint. They lack impulse control and dedication. It's working out and eating at a caloric deficit, not rocket science. Anyone can do it. My fatter friends always love blaming genetics, but that's not it. They eat like crap and feed crap to their kids so when the kids become fat they point and say, "see? Genetics!" No, it's your diet.

I think you need to meet more people. Plenty of fat individuals are extremely dedicated to their careers and family and have lots of willpower and self-restraint. Of course don’t try to be friends with them. That wouldn’t do them any good.

True. They just don’t have the same discipline and control with food and eating. We all have our weaknesses. Plenty of brilliant people and dedicated people are addicted to drugs or alcohol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She shed the pounds, but not the insecurity within.

This. She also is probably deathly afraid of gaining it back.

This is the answer. And this is a defense mechanism.

[Anonymous]

To the OP, save her post. When she gains the weight back, repost her thoughts.