Reply to Friend loses 90 pounds and rips apart fat people

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]People often think that they'll be different people when they lose weight. [b]They'll be happier[/b], less insecure, less reactionary. less judgmental.

None of that is true. They're the same people, just with a lower number on the scale.

If OP's friend didn't work on anything BUT weight loss, she's going to gain it back and then OP might not have to hear it anymore.

Sustained maintenance takes inner work, as well. Sounds like she skipped that part.  [/quote]
[b]They will be happier because they will feel better about themselves and people will treat them better.[/b] The other things have nothing to do with weight, and no one expects them to. You sound like you're rationalizing by confounding the benefits of weight loss with unobtainable goals, through weight loss that is.
[/quote]

But this is the problem. If you lose weight and the weight loss makes you like yourself more and also seems to make others like you more as well, you've totally externalized your self worth. It's a really unhealthy situation to be in, because now if you don't maintain the lower weight, you will spiral and feel worse about yourself than ever. It's no different than a beautiful person who gets all of their self worth from their good looks, and then freaks out over aging.

No matter your weight, you have to find a way to love and value yourself that is totally independent of your weight or appearance. Long term, that's the only way to motivate you to take care of yourself even when you're up a few (or more than a few) pounds, or otherwise not looking your best.

I know women who fought hard to lose weight and then had a total crisis when they had kids, even though they didn't gain an unhealthy amount in their pregnancies or take an unusually long amount of time to get back in shape. But just seeing their weight go up over the course of the pregnancy caused a crisis of confidence because they were addicted to feeling of self-worth they got from feeling skinny. And in that case, it had nothing to do with how others treated them because pregnancy is the one time that people will praise you for weight gain. PP is right -- it's internal. You can't just base your entire self worth on your weight. It will never work.[/quote]

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