WWYD if your college-aged son were severely depressed?

[Anonymous]

This is really hard. I remember going through this with my DD years ago. Here are some of the things I tried that made somewhat of a difference. Some are a bit unconventional but they all worked to some degree. Today she is much older and well-adjusted.

High dosage vitamin and mineral supplements. Focus Factor and Alive come to mind.

Playing upbeat motivational music around the house. At the time it was a few Mariah Carey songs played continuously in the house. Plus songs that made you want to get up and dance.

Motivational books placed strategically around the house. I remember Anthony Robbins as one of the authors.

Subliminal and hypnosis tapes I would play for depression. Today you can play these subliminal and hypnosis videos for free just by going to YouTube. You have to make sure they are legit though. Read the reviews.

I encouraged her to take long walks with me. These walks would lift her spirits.

Finally, I dragged her kicking and screaming to a psychiatrist for therapy and meds.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have an adult teen boy who has bipolar and anxiety. The problem with a kid that age is that you can't force anything and you can't just pick them up and put them in the car like you could when they were 8. We've been through some serious crises over the past couple of years, with the pandemic making things worse. And, he became an adult during the pandemic, which eliminated my legal ability to make decisions for him. So, I know what it's like.

What worked for me was this. I scheduled psychiatric appointments online and then when it was time for the appointment, I called in and then took the laptop into my son's room. The doctor could see for themselves what was going on and would listen to my reports. I got very little feedback, but on those rare occasions that my son would converse with the psychiatrist, the psychiatrist only required that I leave if I was asked by my son.

It got us medication so that was something. Eventually, when the medication started to take effect, I got my son a job - yes, I did it all, he has serious mental health issues and was not capable, but structure is really good for him. Fortunately, he showed up everytime he was supposed to - he learned to love money so there was a high level of motivation.

That's all I've got. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing, sink or swim. Kids in my generation were out of the house at age 18.

Depression is an illness. Would you say the same thing about a young adult with another severe illness?

FWIW, OP did not say he was evaluated for depression. It's just OP's diagnosis but honestly, if he really were depressed, he wouldnt be on his phone or laptop! To me, it just sounds like laziness. He knows that his parents are there for him so why bother to make any effort?

Um, what?

PP, what do you think people with depression do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing, sink or swim. Kids in my generation were out of the house at age 18.

Depression is an illness. Would you say the same thing about a young adult with another severe illness?

FWIW, OP did not say he was evaluated for depression. It's just OP's diagnosis but honestly, if he really were depressed, [b]he wouldnt be on his phone or laptop![/b] To me, it just sounds like laziness. He knows that his parents are there for him so why bother to make any effort?

Um, what?

PP, what do you think people with depression do?

To clarify, the PP who wrote the bolded

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Job, therapy, military.

Military will not take him with a history of severe depression as an adult.

And for good reason. It is a terrible environment for a depressed individual.

[Anonymous]

We went through this a couple years ago with my stepson. He took a break from college for one semester and the following two semesters only went part time while living at home. He did end up 1 week inpatient psych due to suicidal thoughts and we got his meds worked out.

Your son needs to see a PSYCHIATRIST one who can and will prescribe meds. Also needs therapy - try a male therapist especially if the last therapist he saw was a female. Might make a difference. This is not negotiable. He needs hand holding so I wouldn’t give him a big project like “find a psychiatrist” I’d either find one myself or say call this number. Here is your member ID # for XYZ insurance.

My stepson is pretty stable now. Living with rooommates. Just graduated college. Has a steady 30 hour a week retail type job that supports his apartment and his car.

He was smoking a TON of pot when things were going downhill, do you think your son might be using some sort of drugs?

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I dated a guy like this in college. He was fine when we met but slipped more and more into depression, not going to class, not doing any course work, staying up all night and sleeping all day. He failed out freshman year, his parents got involved and got him diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and something else medical but I can’t remember what, which gave him a second chance at college his sophomore year - although he was still a freshman in terms of earned credit hours. He failed out of that too. Ended up dropping out of college and getting a job doing property management for a large apartment complex. His parents are well-off and well-connected. But unfortunately, sometimes there’s nothing you can do if the kid won’t help themself.

And some kids need a few years to mature and can graduate from college in their mid or late 20s if they take time off school as a late teen/early 20s. It’s risky because a lot of kids never make it back to school and just slip more into depression and bad habits. So you have to stay on top of them. But that can also be an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have an adult teen boy who has bipolar and anxiety. The problem with a kid that age is that you can't force anything and you can't just pick them up and put them in the car like you could when they were 8. We've been through some serious crises over the past couple of years, with the pandemic making things worse. And, he became an adult during the pandemic, which eliminated my legal ability to make decisions for him. So, I know what it's like.

What worked for me was this. I scheduled psychiatric appointments online and then when it was time for the appointment, I called in and then took the laptop into my son's room. The doctor could see for themselves what was going on and would listen to my reports. I got very little feedback, but on those rare occasions that my son would converse with the psychiatrist, the psychiatrist only required that I leave if I was asked by my son.

It got us medication so that was something. Eventually, when the medication started to take effect, I got my son a job - yes, I did it all, he has serious mental health issues and was not capable, but structure is really good for him. Fortunately, he showed up everytime he was supposed to - he learned to love money so there was a high level of motivation.

That's all I've got. Good luck.

You can do that for under 18. But once your child is legally an adult, that’s no longer an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First stop is a pediatrician or primary care doctor that can talk about the benefits of therapy.

I'm not sure if most pediatricians cover college-age patients. I know some do (e.g., might staff for a college student health center), but I think it's pretty rare.

[Anonymous]

I think you can post this over in Special Needs, even if your son is older. Many people there still have "kids" who are older but due to special needs are in their care - you won't be out of place at all.

I would start by scheduling an appointment with a therapist or psychiatrist yourself and say to your son, "I'm going to go talk about you in this appointment because I don't know how to help you, do you want to come?" Or do what pp did and show up with the laptop virtual appointment. Even if your DS doesn't participate, you can get advice from a professional on the best steps to take. I'm sorry - this sounds like a really hard situation.

My brother was severely depressed during college, failed all his classes and was sent on leave by the school. At first, our parents forced him to get a job, which he was fired from for poor work (after about 2 months). I think they should have waited until he was doing better before encouraging him to get a job, but hindsight is 20/20. After that, they just insisted he participate in household chores (walk dog, grocery shop, etc.). After several more months of therapy and medication, he signed up for a few community college classes and did well in those and was readmitted to college. He's now a successful, happy, adult with a family - so it can work out even if things seem really dark for a couple years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First stop is a pediatrician or primary care doctor that can talk about the benefits of therapy.

I'm not sure if most pediatricians cover college-age patients. I know some do (e.g., might staff for a college student health center), but I think it's pretty rare.

+1. Primary care is a great suggestion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have an adult teen boy who has bipolar and anxiety. The problem with a kid that age is that you can't force anything and you can't just pick them up and put them in the car like you could when they were 8. We've been through some serious crises over the past couple of years, with the pandemic making things worse. And, he became an adult during the pandemic, which eliminated my legal ability to make decisions for him. So, I know what it's like.

What worked for me was this. I scheduled psychiatric appointments online and then when it was time for the appointment, I called in and then took the laptop into my son's room. The doctor could see for themselves what was going on and would listen to my reports. I got very little feedback, but on those rare occasions that my son would converse with the psychiatrist, the psychiatrist only required that I leave if I was asked by my son.

It got us medication so that was something. Eventually, when the medication started to take effect, I got my son a job - yes, I did it all, he has serious mental health issues and was not capable, but structure is really good for him. Fortunately, he showed up everytime he was supposed to - he learned to love money so there was a high level of motivation.

That's all I've got. Good luck.

How did you get your son a job? Didn’t they need to interview him and check references?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have an adult teen boy who has bipolar and anxiety. The problem with a kid that age is that you can't force anything and you can't just pick them up and put them in the car like you could when they were 8. We've been through some serious crises over the past couple of years, with the pandemic making things worse. And, he became an adult during the pandemic, which eliminated my legal ability to make decisions for him. So, I know what it's like.

What worked for me was this. I scheduled psychiatric appointments online and then when it was time for the appointment, I called in and then took the laptop into my son's room. The doctor could see for themselves what was going on and would listen to my reports. I got very little feedback, but on those rare occasions that my son would converse with the psychiatrist, the psychiatrist only required that I leave if I was asked by my son.

It got us medication so that was something. Eventually, when the medication started to take effect, I got my son a job - yes, I did it all, he has serious mental health issues and was not capable, but structure is really good for him. Fortunately, he showed up everytime he was supposed to - he learned to love money so there was a high level of motivation.

That's all I've got. Good luck.

You can do that for under 18. But once your child is legally an adult, that’s no longer an option.

I did all of this after age 18. If you go back and read, everything I did was facilitating or where I was not asked to leave. It’s very hard to accomplish things without crossing a line.

[Anonymous]

How did you get your son a job? Didn’t they need to interview him and check references?

Yes. I did the applications which included supplying references. I used my cell as the contact phone number and set up an email. When I got calls, I said he wasn’t here but that I had his schedule and could set an interview. And then he had to show up which he did.

It sucks that I had to do this but he wasn’t capable. But it worked and was a big part of the road to recovery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

How did you get your son a job? Didn’t they need to interview him and check references?

Yes. I did the applications which included supplying references. I used my cell as the contact phone number and set up an email. When I got calls, I said he wasn’t here but that I had his schedule and could set an interview. And then he had to show up which he did.

It sucks that I had to do this but he wasn’t capable. But it worked and was a big part of the road to recovery.

Dang, I wish you were my mom. Did you brief the references on getting calls about your son?