WWYD if your college-aged son were severely depressed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing, sink or swim. Kids in my generation were out of the house at age 18.

Depression is an illness. Would you say the same thing about a young adult with another severe illness?

FWIW, OP did not say he was evaluated for depression. It's just OP's diagnosis but honestly, if he really were depressed, he wouldnt be on his phone or laptop! To me, it just sounds like laziness. He knows that his parents are there for him so why bother to make any effort?

Are you the quoted PP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing, sink or swim. Kids in my generation were out of the house at age 18.

Depression is an illness. Would you say the same thing about a young adult with another severe illness?

FWIW, OP did not say he was evaluated for depression. It's just OP's diagnosis but honestly, if he really were depressed, he wouldnt be on his phone or laptop! To me, it just sounds like laziness. He knows that his parents are there for him so why bother to make any effort?

Are you the quoted PP?

And why do you assume her DS doesn’t have an official diagnosis. He’s been in therapy before, so he has a history of something related to mental health.

If someone posts that their kid has diabetes, so you assume a doctor diagnosed it or would you think OP assumed her child has diabetes because they pee a lot and like candy?

Also, read up about depression and mental health in general. Depression doesn’t always look like grief or mourning. It’s not a Victorian era romance novel where someone is jilted and falls into a dysfunctional melancholy. Depression frequently looks like anger or low/no energy (aka laziness), and slips through the cracks because it’s not the misconceived presentation of tears, wearing black, withering away from not eating or some undefined wasting syndrome. Depression is different from sadness.

[Anonymous]

I'd take him to his primary care and try medication. I'd spend time with him and do my best to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing, sink or swim. Kids in my generation were out of the house at age 18.

You are an ogre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No longer doing assignments or chores, in bed all day on his phone/laptop, up all night. Refusing to see a therapist due to not finding it helpful in the past.

None of the parenting forums seemed right to post this in because of the age.

Find a therapist like yesterday. A psychiatrist is better in case your son needs medication.

[Anonymous]

I would continue to encourage him to try therapy again and would try to drive him to his PCP for a medication consult. Your son is at an age when the onset of mental illness often occurs, and I would just offer the support that you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No longer doing assignments or chores, in bed all day on his phone/laptop, up all night. Refusing to see a therapist due to not finding it helpful in the past.

None of the parenting forums seemed right to post this in because of the age.

Insist on therapist as a condition to being able to continue to live at home.

[Anonymous]

Try to find someone that he can connect with. I found DS related better to a younger male after striking out with an older woman and older man. Social worker was easier to get a quick appointment with than a psychologist. I also found that not calling the person a therapist, but said I found someone that you can talk to.

I would not cutoff internet or some of the other suggestions to get him motivated.

After the appointment, I ask do you think he is somebody you felt comfortable with and that is it.

[Anonymous]

First stop is a pediatrician or primary care doctor that can talk about the benefits of therapy.

[Anonymous]

OP

Very sorry this is happening.

I don't know how you get him out of the room, but wifi cutting and cell cutting are a good start.

If he will not do college, then he must have a plan whether it's treatment, job something otherwise he must move out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing, sink or swim. Kids in my generation were out of the house at age 18.

You are an ogre.

You will be the person with no visitors at your nursing home.

[Anonymous]

It's quite remarkable how many people suggest doing something punitive, kicking him out, or "making" him get a job.

This woman's son is ill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing, sink or swim. Kids in my generation were out of the house at age 18.

You are an ogre.

You will be the person with no visitors at your nursing home.

Sorry, but that’s just bullshit. As someone who works in both nursing home and home health care settings, I can attest that ALL kinds of parents end up with nobody visiting them in their elder years. Children are the biggest crap shoot of all the crap shoots in life; you can love them well or love them badly and you’ll never be sure whether they will show up for you in the end. Many of them are just busy and selfish, whether they had great or crappy parents. It’s best to have a plan to be resilient and to amuse yourself in your old age, because you cannot depend on dreams of grandkids or children living nearby and visiting often.

We are all born alone and we all die alone, just as Tom Wolfe said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing, sink or swim. Kids in my generation were out of the house at age 18.

Depression is an illness. Would you say the same thing about a young adult with another severe illness?

FWIW, OP did not say he was evaluated for depression. It's just OP's diagnosis but honestly, if he really were depressed, he wouldnt be on his phone or laptop! To me, it just sounds like laziness. He knows that his parents are there for him so why bother to make any effort?

Um, what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would pull him out of school as necessary and get him medical treatment. That age is when I had my first bout of severe clinical depression with suicidal ideation, and just the thought of it scares me now. I didn’t know how to help myself, and was so depressed would not have gone through the motions even if I knew what I needed.

If my parents had kicked me out of the house at that time I would have gone through with it. Depressed people need HELP, not tough love.

This. I dated a guy like your son in college. He failed out after his 2nd year. His parents were more tough love than supportive. They had no idea he was thinking about killing himself. I forced him to sit down with them and tell them, because he needed professional help and I was just a 19 year old kid. The down side was his parents forced him to see this therapist that was part of their fundie Christian church, so he couldn't work out all the issues he was having with the church with this guy. Don't do that. Find a therapist he can TALK to, and get him medicated, not someone you know.

While he's in treatment, have him live at home. Don't send him back to college, but after he's more stable he should have a job and start taking community college courses.