WWYD if your college-aged son were severely depressed?

[Anonymous]

No longer doing assignments or chores, in bed all day on his phone/laptop, up all night. Refusing to see a therapist due to not finding it helpful in the past.

None of the parenting forums seemed right to post this in because of the age.

[Anonymous]

Is he living with you?

[Anonymous]

This is one reason there needs to be a forum for “Parenting” ages 18-25.

There still so much support that many families offer at that age.

Unfortunately, at that age, you can only dangle a big carrot.
1) you are not paying tuition if he is not doing the work.
2) you may need to make his room very boring by cutting off Wifi/changing the password. A friend’s DD is 20 and can only use the wired computer in the living room now. Her alternative is to get a job and pay for her own service. Seems harsh, but before that, they once didn’t see her for 6 weeks because she stocked her room with a microwave, bottled juice or soda, and things like Mac n cheese cups. In the end, they had to call the police to do a welfare check because she wasn’t answering and the smell of rotting garbage was overwhelming. The police spoke with the DD through the door, told the parents to cut off the Wifi, and left.

[Anonymous]

Nothing, sink or swim. Kids in my generation were out of the house at age 18.

[Anonymous]

He's on the phone and laptop communicating with people? Is he failing the classes? Unless he's suicidal and needs to go to the ER I don't know what you can do. Is he showering? Eating?

[Anonymous]

I would pull him out of school as necessary and get him medical treatment. That age is when I had my first bout of severe clinical depression with suicidal ideation, and just the thought of it scares me now. I didn’t know how to help myself, and was so depressed would not have gone through the motions even if I knew what I needed.

If my parents had kicked me out of the house at that time I would have gone through with it. Depressed people need HELP, not tough love.

[Anonymous]

It's June. What assignments should he be doing?

What makes you think he's depressed, as opposed to acting like a college student with nothing better to do?

Do you have a relationship with him such that you can talk about depression and mental illness?

[Anonymous]

Job, therapy, military.

[Anonymous]

This happened to my spouse. He moved in with family friends who helped him get back on track after a semester. He took withdrawals for that semester. I would move him back home and enforce house rules (limits on screen time, daily wake up times, daily meals together, chores.). Fwiw my spouse is fine now hes a great dad and a has a good job. He didn’t deal well with the isolation of college life and with gaming, it exacerbated depression tendencies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Job, therapy, military.

Military will not take him with a history of severe depression as an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing, sink or swim. Kids in my generation were out of the house at age 18.

This or insist on therapy/medication.

I was the same way in college and flunked out. That forced me to get my act together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing, sink or swim. Kids in my generation were out of the house at age 18.

I don't know what generation you are but I'm 56, grew up in a blue collar family in the rust belt and only a few kids were out of the house at 18. There were a few who went away to college but even they came home every break and after graduation until they got enough money to move out. Most kids were home until they were at least 20 and had saved enough to move in with a couple of friends.

But, to answer the OP, you need to set expectation with your DS. He needs to either be in school or at work, even if that job is part time. It doesn't matter if he's a legal adult, since he's living in the house, you can set home rules. My 18 yo has suffers from ADHD/depression and I still restrict internet access between 11PM and 6AM. He can, of course, use data if he uses his cell phone (which I still pay for and have restricted the amount of data he can use) but he's not playing video games all night. I try and make it easier for him to make good choices that keep him healthy mentally and physically. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Not accepting medical help is not an option. If he was having a dental emergency causing great pain and damage to his overall health would you simply sit by? Even if he said all dentists were quacks? No, you wouldn't. He needs to see a therapist whether he thinks it's a good idea or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing, sink or swim. Kids in my generation were out of the house at age 18.

Depression is an illness. Would you say the same thing about a young adult with another severe illness?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing, sink or swim. Kids in my generation were out of the house at age 18.

Depression is an illness. Would you say the same thing about a young adult with another severe illness?

FWIW, OP did not say he was evaluated for depression. It's just OP's diagnosis but honestly, if he really were depressed, he wouldnt be on his phone or laptop! To me, it just sounds like laziness. He knows that his parents are there for him so why bother to make any effort?