Hiring Childcare - Afraid Of Being Judged

[Anonymous]

When my first was born my mom was able to come and stay the night with our DC a couple nights a week she I could sleep a full night, and even I shared that with people literally nobody judged and everyone thought it was awesome.

When my third was born my mom was not able to do this, and we hired a night nanny for two nights a week. It kept me sane because, unlike with my first, I could not nap during the day because I had my older kiddos to take care of. And yet, when I shared this info with people, I definitely got some judgmental comments.

My point is, the judgement has nothing to do with you and is heavily wrapped up in an aversion to, or jealousy of, paying for childcare. That’s it. And by kid number three I just didn’t care about the judgement, but if I had, I could have easily told no one.

Anyway, you do you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, lord. Op, ignore anyone giving you grief. And work on ignoring it for the next couple decades. Here's the thing: people will judge you NO MATTER WHAT forever. I say this as a parent of a now-grown kid who went to public school and daycare while his mom divorced his dad, went on dates with people I had no intention of marrying, worked outside of the house, threw a Sbarro pizza from Union Statiom on the swim team potluck table, and had a toddler who found gum under the table at the laundromat and chewed it. Sincerely and truly, other people's opinions aren't worth your worry, and some of the "perfect parents" have kids who grow up and really let you quietly enjoy your schadenfreude for all the judgement they throw your way when your kids are little.

I like you, PP. The Sbarro swim team dinner is good.

OP, surround yourself with friends like this, and ditch the judgey ones.

[Anonymous]

Why do you care what others think? My parents came to live with us for 6 months when I had my baby. My mom was an invaluable help during that time and it was great to be able to spend that stretch of time together. If anyone had said anything I would have laughed in their faces.
Many cultures have a lot of family/paid help when a new baby arrives. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m considering hiring a night nanny and a PT nanny. I have one newborn child. I could use the help but I’m nervous about people judging me for hiring help. I don’t want to my friends/family to silently judge me and think I’m a bad mom. Any tips and advice to get over it or not let nay judgement bother me?

I won't be silent as I judge you as lazy and selfish, which you are. It is your responsibility as a parent to take care of your children. You owe this to them!

Don’t be so jealous and bitter that nobody want to help such a delightful person like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Stop caring.

+1. The best mother I have ever known had a night nanny and an infant care specialist during the day. Your baby can only benefit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m considering hiring a night nanny and a PT nanny. I have one newborn child. I could use the help but I’m nervous about people judging me for hiring help. I don’t want to my friends/family to silently judge me and think I’m a bad mom. Any tips and advice to get over it or not let nay judgement bother me?

I won't be silent as I judge you as lazy and selfish, which you are. It is your responsibility as a parent to take care of your children. You owe this to them!

I don’t get this attitude. First of all when a woman has a newborn is t she recovering from the birth? Why do we expect someone whose recovering from birth to take care of a baby twenty four seven?

Seriously. So many women are fortunate enough to have a family member like their mom come help. If a new mom doesn’t have family to help, what’s wrong with hiring for it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m considering hiring a night nanny and a PT nanny. I have one newborn child. I could use the help but I’m nervous about people judging me for hiring help. I don’t want to my friends/family to silently judge me and think I’m a bad mom. Any tips and advice to get over it or not let nay judgement bother me?

I won't be silent as I judge you as lazy and selfish, which you are. It is your responsibility as a parent to take care of your children. You owe this to them!

You poor old soul. You’re pathetic, PP. I wasn’t silent about judging you, you total fool.

[Anonymous]

Other parents will be insanely jealous but no one in their right mind will think you are a bad mother.

I hired the best help and learned so much from them - both a night nanny and a regular nanny for when I went back to work. Our nanny has a degree in Early childhood Development and our night nanny had over twenty years of getting breastfed babies to sleep thru the night by six months without crying.

[Anonymous]

Do it!

I didn't have any family around to help and did not hire a night nanny or a PT nanny with my first. I got through it (husband worked long hours in a demanding job and couldn't help during the day or much at night), but it was a dark time. Not sure if I had PPD, but I definitely felt a lot of resentment. If you can afford to hire help and if you don't have family in the area or family that can help or family that you want to help then hire help. You will be particularly grateful for the help if you end up getting a c-section, your baby has reflux, etc.

If someone judges you then that's on them. Not everyone wants to have the same postpartum experience and not everyone thrives or does well in the same situation.

[Anonymous]

Women like the one idiot poster calling you selfish are truly insane. The mother works along side the nanny and infant care night nanny to provide what’s best for your baby. The jealous fools who judge you think nannies take the baby while you fly off to Cannes. It just isn’t like that.

Get the best and most help you can afford, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks everyone. We are planning to hire a post-part um doula for 2-3 nights ( 8 hours) a week and 2-3 days ( 5-6 hours) for the daytime. I love my baby and I enjoy spending time with him, but I suffered from a mild form of fibromyalgia. I’ve been having a lot issues with sore muscles and nerve pain with all the holding and rocking I’ve been doing. I would love some help do get some relief and be able to sleep. I’m also switching over to pumping because nursing doesn’t seem like it’s working out. It’s a lot. It’s hard to watch the baby and pump at the same time.

I’ve had mom friends care for 2-3 kids all by themselves. I have a strong support system but still worried about being judged.

[Anonymous]

Stop caring what people think. When I had a newborn I hired a post partum night doula for three months and then had a live in nanny. For my second child I kept a live in nanny for my older child and hired an around the clock baby nurse for two months. I am also a stay at home mom.
People who judge me just wouldn’t be my friends, period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone. We are planning to hire a post-part um doula for 2-3 nights ( 8 hours) a week and 2-3 days ( 5-6 hours) for the daytime. I love my baby and I enjoy spending time with him, but I suffered from a mild form of fibromyalgia. I’ve been having a lot issues with sore muscles and nerve pain with all the holding and rocking I’ve been doing. I would love some help do get some relief and be able to sleep. I’m also switching over to pumping because nursing doesn’t seem like it’s working out. It’s a lot. It’s hard to watch the baby and pump at the same time.

I’ve had mom friends care for 2-3 kids all by themselves. I have a strong support system but still worried about being judged.

No judgement but do have money. A real postpartum doula - not a night nanny - can cost $30/hours or more. We looked into one and ended up by The Snoo instead. We also hired a PT nanny with 10+ years of newborn experience while I was in maternity leave. I make good money but there was no way I would pay that amount for a night and daytime doula.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone. We are planning to hire a post-part um doula for 2-3 nights ( 8 hours) a week and 2-3 days ( 5-6 hours) for the daytime. I love my baby and I enjoy spending time with him, but I suffered from a mild form of fibromyalgia. I’ve been having a lot issues with sore muscles and nerve pain with all the holding and rocking I’ve been doing. I would love some help do get some relief and be able to sleep. I’m also switching over to pumping because nursing doesn’t seem like it’s working out. It’s a lot. It’s hard to watch the baby and pump at the same time.

I’ve had mom friends care for 2-3 kids all by themselves. I have a strong support system but still worried about being judged.

No judgement but do have money. A real postpartum doula - not a night nanny - can cost $30/hours or more. We looked into one and ended up by The Snoo instead. We also hired a PT nanny with 10+ years of newborn experience while I was in maternity leave. I make good money but there was no way I would pay that amount for a night and daytime doula.

Snoo worked great for my first and not at all for my second. It’s a lot of money for something that may not work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone. We are planning to hire a post-part um doula for 2-3 nights ( 8 hours) a week and 2-3 days ( 5-6 hours) for the daytime. I love my baby and I enjoy spending time with him, but I suffered from a mild form of fibromyalgia. I’ve been having a lot issues with sore muscles and nerve pain with all the holding and rocking I’ve been doing. I would love some help do get some relief and be able to sleep. I’m also switching over to pumping because nursing doesn’t seem like it’s working out. It’s a lot. It’s hard to watch the baby and pump at the same time.

I’ve had mom friends care for 2-3 kids all by themselves. I have a strong support system but still worried about being judged.

No judgement but do have money. A real postpartum doula - not a night nanny - can cost $30/hours or more. We looked into one and ended up by The Snoo instead. We also hired a PT nanny with 10+ years of newborn experience while I was in maternity leave. I make good money but there was no way I would pay that amount for a night and daytime doula.

Snoo worked great for my first and not at all for my second. It’s a lot of money for something that may not work.

You can rent a Snoo.