Hiring Childcare - Afraid Of Being Judged
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Anonymous
| When I had a newborn and lived overseas, my dad came to help me for the first two months. I caught lots of side eye from other new moms and even my ILs (who lived where we were). But I was high risk for PPA/PPD and having my dad there meant I got more sleep during the day, I didn’t feel quite as anxious or isolated and I could still eat well/shower/take some long walks. It saved my sanity and made me a better mom to my baby, which is all that matters. If you can afford that help and it’s best for your family, that’s all that matters. Try to shrug off any judgment (or distance from anyone you feel is judging you) and just enjoy that you have this option. There are no medals earned for toughing it out and making yourself exhausted and miserable if you don’t have to. |
Anonymous
| Are the budgets coming over and helping you with the baby at night? No? Then they can stuff it. |
Anonymous
| ^^not the budgets, the judgers |
Anonymous
| People will judge you for every trivial choice you make for the rest or your child’s life. Do what works for you, OP. |
Anonymous
|
This is pretty normal if you are Chinese, there are special doula/night nanny ladies that help the first couple months with everything including cooking nutritious meals for the mom so she can recover faster.
A lot of times the grandparents/family members will chip in to pay for the night nanny/doula as a gift, kind of like a shower gift. I think this is a great thing. |
Anonymous
| If you are afraid of being judged, parenting isn't for you. It will always be something. You'll be judged for whether you breastfeed or not, how long you breastfeed, how you sleep train (or if you sleep train), etc. The list is never-ending. Do what you think is best. If you don't like it, you can always change it. I used to nanny for people who had nannies 24/7. I judged them. I thought it was ridiculous to have kids when someone else was always in charge of them. I found out that even though I worked 24/7, they didn't actually need me all of that time. One of the parents traveled for work and the other one had MS and sometimes had flare-ups that made it hard for her to move. From the outside, they looked like lazy, self-indulged people but that wasn't who they were. |
Anonymous
This is a lesson you have to learn. You will be judged for every parenting decision you make. You have to decide whether to listen to what others think of you, or whether you should follow what you think is correct. |
Anonymous
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It’s correct you need to do what is right for you. That said, yes if a mom is SAH and has nannies for 3/4 of the day then unless she had major birth complications, a medically fragile baby, or a lot of older kids - I would have a hard time NOT judging this in my head since it seems so odd.
If you only had a PT manny or only a night nanny I would be more jealous than judging. 
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Anonymous
| ^nanny, not “manny” |
Anonymous
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I run a nanny agency and this is INCREDIBLY common, OP. Tons of families hire both a night nanny and a full time day nanny. Some just do 3-4 nights per week and others do 5 or more. In many cultures it's a give-in that new moms receive around the clock help. Please don't feel bad at all. The transition to motherhood is simultaneously exhausting, overwhelming, and beautiful.
I even work with families who really can't afford it, but maybe mom is having PPD or PPA complications. Or dad travels for work. Or birth was traumatic and they need the extra support. And so they just make it work temporarily. Really, it's no one's place to judge how a new family seeks support. |
Anonymous
Chinese here and even the middle class in our culture want mom to get full time help at least for the first month. As pointed out upthread many people will help pay for newborn nannies as a gift to the mom. |
Anonymous
I won't be silent as I judge you as lazy and selfish, which you are. It is your responsibility as a parent to take care of your children. You owe this to them! |
Anonymous
^OP, when you hear something like this, plug your ears and sing la la la la while you thank your nanny for being another supportive caregiver in your child’s life. |
Anonymous
I don’t get this attitude. First of all when a woman has a newborn is t she recovering from the birth? Why do we expect someone whose recovering from birth to take care of a baby twenty four seven? |
Anonymous
| Oh, lord. Op, ignore anyone giving you grief. And work on ignoring it for the next couple decades. Here's the thing: people will judge you NO MATTER WHAT forever. I say this as a parent of a now-grown kid who went to public school and daycare while his mom divorced his dad, went on dates with people I had no intention of marrying, worked outside of the house, threw a Sbarro pizza from Union Statiom on the swim team potluck table, and had a toddler who found gum under the table at the laundromat and chewed it. Sincerely and truly, other people's opinions aren't worth your worry, and some of the "perfect parents" have kids who grow up and really let you quietly enjoy your schadenfreude for all the judgement they throw your way when your kids are little. |