Divorcing husband for not contributing to household chores

[Anonymous]

I agree with it. It's sexist to expect your wife to be the servant in the relationship. I dumped any man I was dating that was a slob or clearly wasn't going to pull his own weight. I wouldn't have had children if DH weren't a helpful person. I see it as a form of emotional abuse. He clearly thinks he's better than you as his servant wife.

Also, life is wild and there are so many more demands now than there were in generations past. A man who doesn't clean, cook, do laundry, garden is totally fine in a DINK marriage. But once kids come into the picture, NO WAY. There are too many moving parts. And I don't want my son to grow up thinking men don't do chores, nor my daughters to think it's okay if their husbands don't do chores.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually divorced my husband because of this. I lost so much respect for him over the years as I took on more and more of the household responsibilities and that led to other problems. I also worked full time and he would sit on his computer while I mowed the lawn, paid the bills, basically did it all. The result of him becoming increasingly emasculated and he would complain about how I was always so tired and never seemed to have time for him. I explained that I wouldn’t be so tired if he took on some of the chores- he would for a few days but would almost immediately revert back to his old ways.

He’s since remarried to a very submissive woman and he now mows the lawn and fixes things around his house. I think it’s great that he finally started contributing. My world didn’t change when he moved out, in fact my household chores became less. Win-win.

Same, divorced the self centered ManChild. Kids see through him too. He’s too focused on his image at work to notice anyone or anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cheaper to hire a cleaner. It does kick the can.

Resentment grows. Distrust grows. His credibility disappears. His priorities are backwards. End it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the casual attitude toward divorce is awful. The advice should be to marry a man who agrees with your clear expectations on these things. Marry a man who will talk things through, is a good listener, will compromise, and isn't selfish. Marry a feminist. Not "lose your kids for 50% of the time and show them it's okay to walk away when things get hard despite no abuse." Y'all are f'ing up your kids.

How many feminist men do you think there are?

One time I added “must be a feminist” to my online dating profile and my messages dropped to zero. Before that, I’d get upwards of 20 a day.

Unfortunately, since men won’t become feminists on their own, they’re gonna have to be dragged into it by women not putting up with their sh!t anymore.

There’s pretty much zero incentive for men to be real feminists. Have to come home from work and do chores? Have to wake up in the middle of the night to take care of kids? Have to miss out on facetime and happy hours and whatever to do the pick up? Why bother when someone else will do it?

And when women get fed up and leave, these men are rewarded with 50 percent custody (which they can usually outsource), so that they can pay minimal child support to the mother who has put her earning potential on the back burner so that she can pick up the slack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the casual attitude toward divorce is awful. The advice should be to marry a man who agrees with your clear expectations on these things. Marry a man who will talk things through, is a good listener, will compromise, and isn't selfish. Marry a feminist. Not "lose your kids for 50% of the time and show them it's okay to walk away when things get hard despite no abuse." Y'all are f'ing up your kids.

Who said there was no verbal or emotional abuse?

Who said he didn’t have an underlying mental disorder?

Don’t pretend to know what’s going on in anyone’s marriage or why they divorced. Life’s rarely as flippant as you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2 mom family here but I am definitely the primary parent. For me it’s not the division of chores or tasks that’s the problem, it’s the mental load that goes into everything. School, camp appts, activities, etc etc... I can ask my wife to do anything and she will but the thought process that goes into it is all me and that’s what I find exhausting.

I relate to this a lot (even though I have a DH, not a DW). I had assumed there was a gender component to it, but I wonder if over time one person (maybe the slightly more type A/organized person) falls into this role. And then the other person gets used to falling into more of a supportive role, willing to take on what is outsourced.

I don’t know the solution to this. I also have a spouse who will step up and do whatever is asked (and has a few areas totally in his domain like yard work). Maybe I need to get better about delegating entire categories of labor instead of specific tasks ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the casual attitude toward divorce is awful. The advice should be to marry a man who agrees with your clear expectations on these things. Marry a man who will talk things through, is a good listener, will compromise, and isn't selfish. Marry a feminist. Not "lose your kids for 50% of the time and show them it's okay to walk away when things get hard despite no abuse." Y'all are f'ing up your kids.

How many feminist men do you think there are?

One time I added “must be a feminist” to my online dating profile and my messages dropped to zero. Before that, I’d get upwards of 20 a day.

Unfortunately, since men won’t become feminists on their own, they’re gonna have to be dragged into it by women not putting up with their sh!t anymore.

Funny how everyone’s bullied into be anti racist but won’t be feminist. How woke.

[Anonymous]

I divorced my ex for many more serious reasons, but lack of anything barely approaching an equal contribution to household and labor work is one. In retrospect, his willingness to participate on theft of labor was just a symptom of his larger willingness to manipulate me purely for his own benefit.

Sadly, he didn’t change as a solo parent, nor when married to a second partner. I say sadly, because DD has watched his lameness for over 20 years and it is a major contributor to never wanting to have kids. Of course, her experience with other boys her age is also a contributing factor. In her experience, it is still very difficult to find men who are truly committed to equality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the casual attitude toward divorce is awful. The advice should be to marry a man who agrees with your clear expectations on these things. Marry a man who will talk things through, is a good listener, will compromise, and isn't selfish. Marry a feminist. Not "lose your kids for 50% of the time and show them it's okay to walk away when things get hard despite no abuse." Y'all are f'ing up your kids.

How many feminist men do you think there are?

One time I added “must be a feminist” to my online dating profile and my messages dropped to zero. Before that, I’d get upwards of 20 a day.

Unfortunately, since men won’t become feminists on their own, they’re gonna have to be dragged into it by women not putting up with their sh!t anymore.

Funny how everyone’s bullied into be anti racist but won’t be feminist. How woke.

The anti-racist people I know are almost entirely women. White men just DGAF about anyone but themselves.

[Anonymous]

Outsourcing is cheaper than divorcing.

And if you are too poor to outsource, you can certainly not afford divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually divorced my husband because of this. I lost so much respect for him over the years as I took on more and more of the household responsibilities and that led to other problems. I also worked full time and he would sit on his computer while I mowed the lawn, paid the bills, basically did it all. The result of him becoming increasingly emasculated and he would complain about how I was always so tired and never seemed to have time for him. I explained that I wouldn’t be so tired if he took on some of the chores- he would for a few days but would almost immediately revert back to his old ways.

He’s since remarried to a very submissive woman and he now mows the lawn and fixes things around his house. I think it’s great that he finally started contributing. My world didn’t change when he moved out, in fact my household chores became less. Win-win.

Why do you say she is submissive?

I think women are so caught up with being men that they forget their power is in their femininity. The way tog st men to do stuff around the house isn’t yelling etc. it’s coaxing. Obviously she’s done this right, she has him doing things despite the fact you think she’s submissive. I bet she’s runs that show.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the casual attitude toward divorce is awful. The advice should be to marry a man who agrees with your clear expectations on these things. Marry a man who will talk things through, is a good listener, will compromise, and isn't selfish. Marry a feminist. Not "lose your kids for 50% of the time and show them it's okay to walk away when things get hard despite no abuse." Y'all are f'ing up your kids.

How many feminist men do you think there are?

One time I added “must be a feminist” to my online dating profile and my messages dropped to zero. Before that, I’d get upwards of 20 a day.

Unfortunately, since men won’t become feminists on their own, they’re gonna have to be dragged into it by women not putting up with their sh!t anymore.

Funny how everyone’s bullied into be anti racist but won’t be feminist. How woke.

Men don’t want to marry feminists. Feminism sucks. Yes working if you get in an abusive relationship is a definite need. But after that it’s so man hating. I don’t need a man. I am a man. I can do anything he does. We want men to be women. And then women wonder why they are so miserable in late 50s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the casual attitude toward divorce is awful. The advice should be to marry a man who agrees with your clear expectations on these things. Marry a man who will talk things through, is a good listener, will compromise, and isn't selfish. Marry a feminist. Not "lose your kids for 50% of the time and show them it's okay to walk away when things get hard despite no abuse." Y'all are f'ing up your kids.

How many feminist men do you think there are?

One time I added “must be a feminist” to my online dating profile and my messages dropped to zero. Before that, I’d get upwards of 20 a day.

Unfortunately, since men won’t become feminists on their own, they’re gonna have to be dragged into it by women not putting up with their sh!t anymore.

Funny how everyone’s bullied into be anti racist but won’t be feminist. How woke.

Men don’t want to marry feminists. Feminism sucks. Yes working if you get in an abusive relationship is a definite need. But after that it’s so man hating. I don’t need a man. I am a man. I can do anything he does. We want men to be women. And then women wonder why they are so miserable in late 50s.

Of course they don't because feminists wouldn't be putting up with the non contribution to household tasks BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually divorced my husband because of this. I lost so much respect for him over the years as I took on more and more of the household responsibilities and that led to other problems. I also worked full time and he would sit on his computer while I mowed the lawn, paid the bills, basically did it all. The result of him becoming increasingly emasculated and he would complain about how I was always so tired and never seemed to have time for him. I explained that I wouldn’t be so tired if he took on some of the chores- he would for a few days but would almost immediately revert back to his old ways.

He’s since remarried to a very submissive woman and he now mows the lawn and fixes things around his house. I think it’s great that he finally started contributing. My world didn’t change when he moved out, in fact my household chores became less. Win-win.

Why do you say she is submissive?

I think women are so caught up with being men that they forget their power is in their femininity. The way tog st men to do stuff around the house isn’t yelling etc. it’s coaxing. Obviously she’s done this right, she has him doing things despite the fact you think she’s submissive. I bet she’s runs that show.

It’s a cultural thing. She lets him make all the decisions, which house to buy, which car to buy that she’ll be driving. In return he actually has to step up and do stuff around the house. I about laughed until I cried when I saw him mowing the lawn. So proud of him that’s he’s actually capable of doing that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cheaper to hire a cleaner. It does kick the can.

Not really. Penny wise pound foolish.

When people show you who they are believe them. Your partner is showing you they do not care about you and they will look the other way at your suffering. Do you think someone like that will be an advocate for you any other time you’re in a vulnerable position? Staying is taking a massive gamble that you never have a car accident, health issue, cancer, surgery or any other crisis for the rest of your life.