Is this fair? Or unnecessarily mean?

[Anonymous]

Fwiw, if someone I knew was driving back home to pick up the 8:45 kid later, I would never respect them again.

[Anonymous]

My guess is that the injured child is actually the one going later, and so he doesn't have the option of walking as easily.

But, setting aside the injury, how about alternating your driving time? You drive once per day, and three times a week you drive early, two times a week you drive late. If it is raining cats and dogs you'll default to driving early regardless of whose day it is.

That way the "burden" of walking or biking is on both kids equally-ish, and both feel like they are being taking care of and loved, but the schedule acknowledges that everyone can get to school on their own power, but the ride is a kindness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, reasonable, though I think you should be understanding towards how it inconveniences DC2. His schedule is being dictated by his sibling, and it really might impact him -- a lot of teenagers really need the extra sleep or time to relax in the morning. So I would say "I know this is a bit unfair to you since you're day starts later. But it doesn't make sense for us to spend an hour driving back and forth to school, especially for kids who are mature enough to walk or bike many days. So tell us how we can make this easier for you on those days that you are going to school early and, within reason, we will try to accommodate it."

It could be something as simple as making sure you always have his preferred breakfast item in the house, or he gets the favored seat in the car, or something. But just acknowledging that this is a bit unfair to him and offering to compensate in some way will probably go a long way towards making him feel heard and listened to. Often it seems like kids are throwing a fit over nothing (it's 30 minutes, not a huge deal) but teenagers have a lot of insecurity about their place in the world. Making sure he understands he's valued in your family is really important developmentally. Especially in a case where he probably feels like he is being forced to sacrifice for his sibling (kids need to feel like they are individually seen and appreciated).

OMG! These kids are in high school!!!! They aren’t toddlers.

SMH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live 0.7 miles from kids' school. Easy walking and biking distance, when that works. (One child has had leg injury that prevents biking now, one has to carry lots of sports equipment, rainy days, etc.)

With back to school, they have to be there in the morning at different start times - one at 8:15 and the other at 8:45.

DH is adamant that "we're not going to run a shuttle back and forth to school all morning" - meaning, that we will offer one ride in the morning and that's it. Obviously, car has to leave the house in time for the first start. DC2 is balking at that, saying it is "unfair" to force an early departure to accommodate DC1. DC2 would get to school a half hour earlier than necessary, or can choose to walk or bike.

Is this reasonable? They are both in high school.

Unreasonable. This is not a huge ask, ffs. Just drive them separately. You're less than a mile. And this short lived given that you're only doing it twice b/c one is injured.

I hope you and your DH never need some accommodation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fwiw, if someone I knew was driving back home to pick up the 8:45 kid later, I would never respect them again.

I feel just the opposite. If you can't accommodate two short rides, one of which is for an injured kid, then I'd think you're the biggest jerk off ever. This is not a big deal or thing to give in on for a temporary time frame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fwiw, if someone I knew was driving back home to pick up the 8:45 kid later, I would never respect them again.

I feel just the opposite. If you can't accommodate two short rides, one of which is for an injured kid, then I'd think you're the biggest jerk off ever. This is not a big deal or thing to give in on for a temporary time frame.

Sure. And if you can’t make your child’s bed every morning you’re a jerk. Same for doing their laundry. Maybe you could help clip their nails and brush their teeth too. They’re only kids once, right???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live 0.7 miles from kids' school. Easy walking and biking distance, when that works. (One child has had leg injury that prevents biking now, one has to carry lots of sports equipment, rainy days, etc.)

With back to school, they have to be there in the morning at different start times - one at 8:15 and the other at 8:45.

DH is adamant that "we're not going to run a shuttle back and forth to school all morning" - meaning, that we will offer one ride in the morning and that's it. Obviously, car has to leave the house in time for the first start. DC2 is balking at that, saying it is "unfair" to force an early departure to accommodate DC1. DC2 would get to school a half hour earlier than necessary, or can choose to walk or bike.

Is this reasonable? They are both in high school.

Unreasonable. This is not a huge ask, ffs. Just drive them separately. You're less than a mile. And this short lived given that you're only doing it twice b/c one is injured.

I hope you and your DH never need some accommodation.

Yes, you’re less than a mile and I’m sure your kids have learned about climate change in school. Only drive the one who physically can’t walk or bike, and only for the timeframe in which he can’t walk or bike. Otherwise, rain or shine, heavy bags or not, they should walk or bike to school.

[Anonymous]

It is fair on the kids request to be shuttled back and forth at the time convenient to them.
But, as a parent, you still have control of some things. So, everybody who needs a ride, will need to get into the car at one time and head to the school.
If you don't like that, walk/bike yourself to school. It's really not that far.

[Anonymous]

DC2 sounds rather spoiled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC2 sounds rather spoiled.

+1

[Anonymous]

Can DC2 get to school that early? Our HS won’t let student in before 9:15 for their 9:30 start and then they have to go straight to 1st period. Is there somewhere for DC2 to wait until they can get into the building? If yes, then yeah one ride each morning.

[Anonymous]

Can DC2 even wait at the school for 30 minutes? My DCs are in middle school and elementary school and both schools have sent strongly worded email reminders to the community that kids aren't to show up more than a few minutes before school starts.

[Anonymous]

My sister and I were one year apart and it would not have occurred to either one of us to even ask for this. I am honestly shocked anyone thinks making two trips would be a reasonable thing to do.

[Anonymous]

I think I would say, "now that it's spring, we aren't driving to school". If the kid with the injury can't walk (it sounds like they can walk but can't bike), I would drive that kid at a time that accommodated both getting a ride.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My guess is that the injured child is actually the one going later, and so he doesn't have the option of walking as easily.

But, setting aside the injury, how about alternating your driving time? You drive once per day, and three times a week you drive early, two times a week you drive late. If it is raining cats and dogs you'll default to driving early regardless of whose day it is.

That way the "burden" of walking or biking is on both kids equally-ish, and both feel like they are being taking care of and loved, but the schedule acknowledges that everyone can get to school on their own power, but the ride is a kindness.

She said that “DC2 would get to school a half hour earlier than necessary, or can choose to walk or bike.”.