FWB disappeared. Minimal explanation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You yourself describe as FWB. What more do you really expect?

Women always want more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You yourself describe as FWB. What more do you really expect?

Because the operative word is FRIENDS. Friends don't block each other without explanation.

It is a nicer, less slutty way of referring to NSA (no-strings attached sex).

These aren’t true friends. Hahaaaa. Does he show up at the hospital to support you when your mom is dying? Fly to a funeral with you? Show up whenever you need a shoulder to cry on?

Nope- just to stick it in and be superficially nice and pretend to be interested in you in order to bang. Period. It’s why men can drop an AP or FWB/NSA in a second and never look back—yes, even if it went on for years.

He was no friend just a f@ck buddy.

[Anonymous]

You’d be owed an explanation if you were dating, but the fact that you both had defined the relationship as strictly sexual means you’re not entitled to an explanation. Sorry. That’s a pitfall of having a boyfriend that’s not really your boyfriend. I guarantee he’s either found someone else, or he had someone else that found out about you. Either way, he had a choice and he didn’t choose you. Try not to dwell on it and don’t take him back if/when he gets dumped by the girl he left you for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You yourself describe as FWB. What more do you really expect?

Women always want more.

Emotionally mature adults usually want more than emotionally immature adults. At some point people may be on the same level emotionally, but then as one matures them other is no longer a fit.

FWB is different from a FB. Yes, you can cry in the should of a FWB and you can laugh and watch movies together. I had a FWB for about 1 year, two times in life, same person. It ended because he or I found someone we wanted to honor and give a real chance, and we respectfully pulled back. It isn’t hard to say, hey I’ve met someone and may not be around as much. It is a very simple and non confrontational/emotional discussion between mature adults.

People that you have known for a significantly long period of time and then ghost have no respect. They have severe attachment and rejection issues. And often they do it because they’re guilty and cowardly. Maybe he was married. Maybe he wasn’t. But he wasn’t a friend. 8 years of easy sex and he ghosts you at the airport? “I have to let you go?” Who said he had a hold?

Nah, son. Everyone is wants more of something. More fairness or more selfishness. Sometimes more suffering because they don’t know how to stop it. Be glad he won’t be around by 2022 and you’ll be in a completely different zone if you manage this experience well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You yourself describe as FWB. What more do you really expect?

Because the operative word is FRIENDS. Friends don't block each other without explanation.

It is a nicer, less slutty way of referring to NSA (no-strings attached sex).

These aren’t true friends. Hahaaaa. Does he show up at the hospital to support you when your mom is dying? Fly to a funeral with you? Show up whenever you need a shoulder to cry on?

Nope- just to stick it in and be superficially nice and pretend to be interested in you in order to bang. Period. It’s why men can drop an AP or FWB/NSA in a second and never look back—yes, even if it went on for years.

He was no friend just a f@ck buddy.

This. .I had plenty of FWB before I met DH. They are not real friends. Sure we hung out, had dinner, even met some of each other's friends. But they aren't real friends. Now an 8 year FWB scenario is going to be tricky. But really, they aren't owed anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’d be owed an explanation if you were dating, but the fact that you both had defined the relationship as strictly sexual means you’re not entitled to an explanation. Sorry. That’s a pitfall of having a boyfriend that’s not really your boyfriend. I guarantee he’s either found someone else, or he had someone else that found out about you. Either way, he had a choice and he didn’t choose you. Try not to dwell on it and don’t take him back if/when he gets dumped by the girl he left you for.

This is the most meaningful takeaway. But I’ll also add — stop giving power to let other people make choices that YOU should be making for yourself. YOU need to choose you — which means dismissing him. There was no future there. Be thankful for the good, forgive anything for yourself and move forward. There are millions of men who would love to have casual no strings attached sex here and there with you. He wasn’t selling nothing special.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You yourself describe as FWB. What more do you really expect?

Because the operative word is FRIENDS. Friends don't block each other without explanation.

It is a nicer, less slutty way of referring to NSA (no-strings attached sex).

These aren’t true friends. Hahaaaa. Does he show up at the hospital to support you when your mom is dying? Fly to a funeral with you? Show up whenever you need a shoulder to cry on?

Nope- just to stick it in and be superficially nice and pretend to be interested in you in order to bang. Period. It’s why men can drop an AP or FWB/NSA in a second and never look back—yes, even if it went on for years.

He was no friend just a f@ck buddy.

This. .I had plenty of FWB before I met DH. They are not real friends. Sure we hung out, had dinner, even met some of each other's friends. But they aren't real friends. Now an 8 year FWB scenario is going to be tricky. But really, they aren't owed anything.

Technically, all manners are a privilege. No one owes anyone anything. But common decency doesn’t go out the window because you don’t have sex. Remember in Bridesmaids when the dude came to pick her up and asked for a lap nap? She got out the car and even he said, “you’re no longer my number 3!” as he sped away. That is a FB. A FWB is kind of like when Jerry and Elaine had a few times together. FWB are distinct from FB. Not by much, but there is a distinction. OP wasn’t a FWB if he ended things that way with no other word.

Agree he was probably married, or with someone who found out. Another indicator that he was not a friend, nor was OP.

[Anonymous]

In eight years, neither of you had any kind of other relationship that required you to pause or end your FWB relationship? It’s kind of odd for people to have a FWB relationship for that long. At a certain point, if this was pretty consistent, it goes well beyond an FWB relationship, it’s something else entirely. People usually keep an FWB relationship to keep them going in between more meaningful long-term relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been working a remote job for the last 8 weeks - I have access to wifi but texts or pictures sometimes get delayed

I was going to see my FWB first thing when I got back - he was going to pick me up from the airport. He sent me a text yesterday (iMessage) and now Im suddenly blocked on all social media. My messages to him go through as text messages.

I sent him an email and all he said back was "I had to let uou go."

It’s been 8 years of on ans off. He’s the best in bed I’ve ever had. He ended it just like that...?

He texted you and then he blocked you? After 8 years?

For what it’s worth, the best is always the best until it is even better with someone else. Every relationship I have had, there is some improvement that is better than the previous. So don’t feel like you’ve been cut off from a lifetime supply of goods. There is plenty of penis to go around, if you’re looking for it. Best in bed is great but not a tall order. Especially if you know what you want sexually and know how to get there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You yourself describe as FWB. What more do you really expect?

Because the operative word is FRIENDS. Friends don't block each other without explanation.


But FWBs do so things like this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You yourself describe as FWB. What more do you really expect?

Because the operative word is FRIENDS. Friends don't block each other without explanation.


But FWBs do so things like this

No.

Effbuddies and Fukbois/buddies do.

[Anonymous]

It seems like OP isn’t coming back, but whether you were really FWB or just FB matters in how I’d interpret this. I think of FWB as an actual friend or at least close acquaintance that you then start hooking up with. So you know at least some of his friends, something about his life, etc. You would know if he were married, would likely see him in groups sometimes (not just alone) and/or would likely see him around even if you stopped meeting up just the two of you. If you’re really FWB, this behavior is weird and the most likely explanation is that he’s a few months into something serious and she found out about you. If you’re really just FB (don’t have any common friends, hooked up the first time you met just didn’t define it as a relationship, etc), decent chance he was married the whole time. At the very least, you were just a fun side piece along side his real girlfriends, etc and it’s not that weird that he just broke it off, though he doesn’t sound like a good guy.

[Anonymous]

Also, you may get his sanitized social media. You can stop individual people from seeing posts. (Again, if you’re actually just FBs and have no mutual friends.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He found someone else that he likes enough to be in a real relationship with. He was just using you for sex. Now that he is having sex with someone he likes enough to be exclusive with, he doesn’t want you in his life. If you can’t deal with that, don’t have friends with benefits.

Yep. You were used for sex.

Did you go out to dinners, concerts, trips in those 8 years or was it just in the bedroom/hook-ups/bootie calls?

Did you ever meet any of his friends or family member? 8 years is almost a decade and if the answer is “no”, you were hidden for a reason. That reason is most likely he was married, in a committed relationship or didn’t want to be seen with you in public.

She wasn’t used. That is the literal definition of FWB which OP was happy to participate in for 8 years.

[Anonymous]

Did you not date others or have any exclusive relationships in 8 years?