Is it overstepping to ask family members to help move?

[Anonymous]

This is a question that needs background, but overall if you are not a poor struggling young person, it is rude. You spend the money and hire people willing to take the risk of injury.

I have a cousin who has always been kind to me and doesn't like to impose. I would gladly help her move by packing things, but not lifting. I would offer. She is too lovely to ask, she would simply mention she is moving.

My sister is a taker. She would post a question like this hoping to hear...of course...they are family, they should help you. She would leave out that my whole life she has asked for favors and she NEVER , ever is available to help anyone else. So it would be a hard no. Anyone who deals with her at some point realizes your kindness is taken advantage of and boundaries are a much.

That all said, I always hire movers. You are asking your friends or family to do something that could contribute to lifelong orthopedic problems and I think that is selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? Can you afford to hire movers?

We’re middle-aged and can afford to pay movers.

Then hire movers. It is really entitled and cheap to use your friends. How would you feel if a friend threw her back out? Usually these problems happen over time and are cumulative so maybe years later your brother needs back surgery and you contributed to that injury? No. Spend the money and don't use people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am from another country so maybe it’s cultural but it’s almost a given that friends offer their help with moving.
Asking is also ok but you are supposed to offer and not wait to be asked.
In fact, I was in shock when two people whom I considered friends didn’t offer, though they knew I was a single mom. I ended up asking my ex for some help and he helped but it was so stressful. I let him go early and just hired a service.
I still can’t get over the two friends not offering. But at least I know where we stand in terms of friendship now

What culture is this? I cannot imagine an entire culture takes advantage of people this way. I am assuming this is your family culture and not your ethnic culture. You sound really self-absorbed and you should not use your culture as an excuse for this.

[Anonymous]

Hire movers. Middle age people also have a lot more stuff than they realize. Be sure you are paring down before your move. Even with movers it’s a lot of work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moving large furniture items creates a potential for injury in the average relative who might not be at the top of their fitness game. How would you feel if someone got hurt trying to haul your couch around? And what if they drop a box and break grandma’s china? A moving company will be liable and will make you whole on the value of broken items, but you can’t ask a family member or friend to pay you back when they’re doing you a favor. But if something like that happens, they’ll always feel badly about it and you might, too.

Helping friends move is for when you’re poor. When you have funds, you hire experienced and strapping strong movers for that kind of thing.

+1

Not to mention if you have a litigious friend, you could probably be sued for the injury.

[Anonymous]

Just.. hire movers.

Ask family to help watch your kids while you move, but that's it.

[Anonymous]

Totally completely overstepping if you are past college/grad school. Be an adult and hire movers or do it yourself. No one should have to risk throwing out their back for a lunch and some beer.

[Anonymous]

Moving boxes and furniture- movers

watching kids, helping pack, unpack, directing movers, grabbing lunch for everyone, etc- perfectly fine to ask family. And it’s okay for family to say no too.

[Anonymous]

once you are past 25 it's just tacky and rude to ask friends to move you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws helped us move a few years ago (we are late 30s).
- They drove the kids to daycare and picked them up so we wouldn't have to worry about it on the day off the move.
- They kept the kids out of our hair while we unpacked.
- My MIL helped me decide where to put things away in the kitchen and pantry
- My FIL helped DH hang art and do some minor repairs/changes and made some runs to the hardware store for us

They did NOT do anything requiring major physical exertion. We never would've asked for that, but they help they provided was invaluable.

Lucky you to have such nice in-laws!

They are really wonderful!! My own parents would have done the same if they lived closer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are all so weird. When I hear "helping with the move" I don't think babysitting the grandkids or watching the dog. I think "doing the stuff that you hire a mover to do if you have the money." And the answer is no, you don't ask people to do that if you can afford it unless you've helped them in the past when they could afford it. That's it -- regardless of what culture you're from.

My example of how my in-laws helped was to explain what type of help would be appropriate vs inappropriate. If you can't understand that, then perhaps you are the weird one.

[Anonymous]

Id rather see them start a gofundme for movers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? Can you afford to hire movers?

We’re middle-aged and can afford to pay movers.

Then hire movers. It is really entitled and cheap to use your friends. How would you feel if a friend threw her back out? Usually these problems happen over time and are cumulative so maybe years later your brother needs back surgery and you contributed to that injury? No. Spend the money and don't use people.

If can afford then you do NOT ask. If they offer, you decline. If they offer again, you say would be great if they came over and ate pizza with you on first night.

[Anonymous]

I'm of the "it's ok to ask" but don't be bothered or offended if someone says "no" camp on this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am from another country so maybe it’s cultural but it’s almost a given that friends offer their help with moving.
Asking is also ok but you are supposed to offer and not wait to be asked.
In fact, I was in shock when two people whom I considered friends didn’t offer, though they knew I was a single mom. I ended up asking my ex for some help and he helped but it was so stressful. I let him go early and just hired a service.
I still can’t get over the two friends not offering. But at least I know where we stand in terms of friendship now

No surprises that you're a single mom. I would drop you like a hot potato with an entitled attitude like that.