Is it overstepping to ask family members to help move?

[Anonymous]

Moving large furniture items creates a potential for injury in the average relative who might not be at the top of their fitness game. How would you feel if someone got hurt trying to haul your couch around? And what if they drop a box and break grandma’s china? A moving company will be liable and will make you whole on the value of broken items, but you can’t ask a family member or friend to pay you back when they’re doing you a favor. But if something like that happens, they’ll always feel badly about it and you might, too.

Helping friends move is for when you’re poor. When you have funds, you hire experienced and strapping strong movers for that kind of thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am from another country so maybe it’s cultural but it’s almost a given that friends offer their help with moving.
Asking is also ok but you are supposed to offer and not wait to be asked.
In fact, I was in shock when two people whom I considered friends didn’t offer, though they knew I was a single mom. I ended up asking my ex for some help and he helped but it was so stressful. I let him go early and just hired a service.
I still can’t get over the two friends not offering. But at least I know where we stand in terms of friendship now

This was presumptuous of you. I asked my brother to help me move several pieces of valuable art but I hired movers for everything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? Can you afford to hire movers?

We’re middle-aged and can afford to pay movers.

Then yes, it is overstepping to ask family members to help you move. You can ask them to help you unpack or even to rearrange furniture once you're moved in, but no one that can afford a mover should be asking someone to help them move.

[Anonymous]

My in-laws helped us move a few years ago (we are late 30s).
- They drove the kids to daycare and picked them up so we wouldn't have to worry about it on the day off the move.
- They kept the kids out of our hair while we unpacked.
- My MIL helped me decide where to put things away in the kitchen and pantry
- My FIL helped DH hang art and do some minor repairs/changes and made some runs to the hardware store for us

They did NOT do anything requiring major physical exertion. We never would've asked for that, but they help they provided was invaluable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws helped us move a few years ago (we are late 30s).
- They drove the kids to daycare and picked them up so we wouldn't have to worry about it on the day off the move.
- They kept the kids out of our hair while we unpacked.
- My MIL helped me decide where to put things away in the kitchen and pantry
- My FIL helped DH hang art and do some minor repairs/changes and made some runs to the hardware store for us

They did NOT do anything requiring major physical exertion. We never would've asked for that, but they help they provided was invaluable.

Lucky you to have such nice in-laws!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws helped us move a few years ago (we are late 30s).
- They drove the kids to daycare and picked them up so we wouldn't have to worry about it on the day off the move.
- They kept the kids out of our hair while we unpacked.
- My MIL helped me decide where to put things away in the kitchen and pantry
- My FIL helped DH hang art and do some minor repairs/changes and made some runs to the hardware store for us

They did NOT do anything requiring major physical exertion. We never would've asked for that, but they help they provided was invaluable.

Very similar situation here. We are mid 30s and my parents helped us move 2 years ago. We didn't ask for the help (and wouldn't have) but were very grateful.
-Kept our pets at their house for a couple days
-Mom came over once movers had delivered furniture and boxes and helped me unpack the entire kitchen, hired her cleaners to do a deep clean before our items went in and a second clean once we were unpacked, and did a few days of gardening with me
-Dad hired their general contractor for a day to hang heavier art, secure heavy furniture with anti-tip straps, and fix a few minor items for us
-we stayed at their house for a few days while we got unpacked and got settled

I would not ask anyone to help me move post-college. Pay for movers, graciously accept help that is offered and follow up with a small token gift like a bottle of wine and thank you card.

[Anonymous]

If you mean moving furniture and boxes, very presumptuous. If you mean watching your dog for the afternoon so he doesn’t escape through an open door, more OK. If you can pay movers, don’t try to exploit your friends for free physical labor!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws helped us move a few years ago (we are late 30s).
- They drove the kids to daycare and picked them up so we wouldn't have to worry about it on the day off the move.
- They kept the kids out of our hair while we unpacked.
- My MIL helped me decide where to put things away in the kitchen and pantry
- My FIL helped DH hang art and do some minor repairs/changes and made some runs to the hardware store for us

They did NOT do anything requiring major physical exertion. We never would've asked for that, but they help they provided was invaluable.

Very similar situation here. We are mid 30s and my parents helped us move 2 years ago. We didn't ask for the help (and wouldn't have) but were very grateful.
-Kept our pets at their house for a couple days
-Mom came over once movers had delivered furniture and boxes and helped me unpack the entire kitchen, hired her cleaners to do a deep clean before our items went in and a second clean once we were unpacked, and did a few days of gardening with me
-Dad hired their general contractor for a day to hang heavier art, secure heavy furniture with anti-tip straps, and fix a few minor items for us
-we stayed at their house for a few days while we got unpacked and got settled

I would not ask anyone to help me move post-college. Pay for movers, graciously accept help that is offered and follow up with a small token gift like a bottle of wine and thank you card.

This is the sort of help I might be comfortable asking friends/relatives. Nothing physical, just 'Hey, do you think you can hold the dog for a few hours while the movers are taking stuff in and out?' type of favors. And you repay that with dinner or something.

[Anonymous]

I had no issues asking my parents to babysit and our family with larger vehicles offered to drive boxes back and forth but DH and I loaded the cars. We had all of our furniture packed and stored by movers because we had to live with a relative for about a month in between. Honestly, if you can afford it, you will make your life so much easier by hiring movers. It's worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Moving large furniture items creates a potential for injury in the average relative who might not be at the top of their fitness game. How would you feel if someone got hurt trying to haul your couch around? And what if they drop a box and break grandma’s china? A moving company will be liable and will make you whole on the value of broken items, but you can’t ask a family member or friend to pay you back when they’re doing you a favor. But if something like that happens, they’ll always feel badly about it and you might, too.

Helping friends move is for when you’re poor. When you have funds, you hire experienced and strapping strong movers for that kind of thing.

+1. I have helped a friend pack up stuff for a move, but that is not as physically demanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Moving large furniture items creates a potential for injury in the average relative who might not be at the top of their fitness game. How would you feel if someone got hurt trying to haul your couch around? And what if they drop a box and break grandma’s china? A moving company will be liable and will make you whole on the value of broken items, but you can’t ask a family member or friend to pay you back when they’re doing you a favor. But if something like that happens, they’ll always feel badly about it and you might, too.

Helping friends move is for when you’re poor. When you have funds, you hire experienced and strapping strong movers for that kind of thing.

+1

[Anonymous]

During a pandemic, yes it is over stepping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am from another country so maybe it’s cultural but it’s almost a given that friends offer their help with moving.
Asking is also ok but you are supposed to offer and not wait to be asked.
In fact, I was in shock when two people whom I considered friends didn’t offer, though they knew I was a single mom. I ended up asking my ex for some help and he helped but it was so stressful. I let him go early and just hired a service.
I still can’t get over the two friends not offering. But at least I know where we stand in terms of friendship now

As you stated up front, it's a cultural thing. I would never offer to help a friend move. Just as I would never ask, and I've moved a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? Can you afford to hire movers?

We’re middle-aged and can afford to pay movers.

You need to hire movers. You don't want a friend throwing out their back because you wanted to save a few hundred bucks.

[Anonymous]

You are all so weird. When I hear "helping with the move" I don't think babysitting the grandkids or watching the dog. I think "doing the stuff that you hire a mover to do if you have the money." And the answer is no, you don't ask people to do that if you can afford it unless you've helped them in the past when they could afford it. That's it -- regardless of what culture you're from.