Other moms - am I being too sensitive

[Anonymous]

A PP said it best: she is not your friend.

Rude, yes. An acquaintance, sure. A friend? No. Nope.

Do not be fooled by your chumminess. I’m so sorry Op. I’m in the same boat as you - taking care of yourself with little kids is hard enough without 2020 piling on.

[Anonymous]

Unless you frequently comment about how you don't care how you look, there was no excuse for such a rude comment. Now you know that she's the kind of woman who builds herself up by putting other people down; act accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That sucks but the same can and has been said about me. I try to laugh it off and I do joke that I like the meme: my personal style can best be described as I wasn’t expecting to get out of the car.

I’m sorry tho!! I probably prefer that to people asking if I’m pregnant again which also happens.

That said I agree she’s not a real friend. The people who have said it to me were not real friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes it's an insulting comment, but I can't tell from just one incident if she purposely meant to be insulting in a frenemy kind of way or if she was just tactless and oblivious. If you've known her for months and this is the first such comment, I'd assume the latter and ignore. If it happens again and again, then you can call her out.

+1

That's a not nice thing to say, but I myself have been known to say STUPID things. Give her another chance but if it becomes a pattern, back away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those kinds of comments are the worst. Say a terrible thing but still get the plausible deniability because it’s said in the language of a complement. You cant call them in it without being accused of being insensitive.

I had a good friendship with someone like this for years until I realized it was not a good friendship. Some people have a way of just being nasty and making you feel bad and then making it feel like YOU are paranoid. Sorry. I'd avoid her if this is part of a pattern (vs. a infequentl brain fart on her part).

[Anonymous]

My first reaction is WOAH, that's not a friend! But wondering if she has any other social awkwardness? I sometimes find it hard to say the right thing the way I want because of my anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My first reaction is WOAH, that's not a friend! But wondering if she has any other social awkwardness? I sometimes find it hard to say the right thing the way I want because of my anxiety.

I was also wondering this. Or maybe there was more conversational context OP could provide? Did the mom just randomly say it out of the blue? Or were you guys actively talking about something relevant that caused her to make an awkward response? If she said it out of the blue, then it was rude. But wondering if there may be more too it? Either way I would be hurt but it could explain why she said it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My first reaction is WOAH, that's not a friend! But wondering if she has any other social awkwardness? I sometimes find it hard to say the right thing the way I want because of my anxiety.

I struggle with anxiety and can be socially awkward, but I think you still have to be accountable for yourself. If I said something like this due to anxiety, I would apologize immediately and explain that it wasn’t what I meant.

I had a “friend” who did stuff like this all the time and I’d be straightforward and tell her it was hurtful. She would never apologize, just make excuses that she was trying to be funny but came off awkward, or that I had misunderstood. I finally realized that she was just a nasty person hiding behind the idea that she was awkward and had accidentally put her foot in her mouth. But that’s not an excuse more than once, and even once it merits an apology.

If you have a tendency to put your foot in your mouth, get used to putting apologies in there too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a group of mom friends in my neighborhood and our children play together. They're great, we're not best friends but it's nice to have people to talk to, as within my personal friends group, we are the only one with children.

One of my mom friends recently made a comment to me that she thinks it's "great I don't care what I look like and I don't put in too much effort." she followed up by she finds it "stressful getting up early to exercise everyday and get ready for the day."

I'm not sure if I'm being too sensitive (probably) but it hurt my feelings. I had DS 5 years ago and DD about 1 year ago. I've struggled to lose the weight. I'm 5'4 pre pregnancy I was about 120, but now I am around 150. I have just been overwhelmed with work, navigating a pandemic with 2 children at home, and other stresses.

I don't particularly dress sloppy but I am not into designer clothes and wear little to no makeup. Mostly wear workout gear (even though I haven't worked out in a while lol, and just basics).

It hurt my feelings but I don't even know if I have a reason to be hurt?

I guess I'm an outlier, but if the comment was verbatim, I sorta see it as a compliment - like "you have such a natural look, lots of confidence in yourself, and you don't seem to need to do much; you make it look easy and seamless".

Shrug.

[Anonymous]

No, she was being a passive aggressive B. You should just have responded next time that the older we all get the LESS IMPACT it has to do that, so why make the effort when there's not so much of a difference between the two of you. Take that lady!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a group of mom friends in my neighborhood and our children play together. They're great, we're not best friends but it's nice to have people to talk to, as within my personal friends group, we are the only one with children.

One of my mom friends recently made a comment to me that she thinks it's "great I don't care what I look like and I don't put in too much effort." she followed up by she finds it "stressful getting up early to exercise everyday and get ready for the day."

I'm not sure if I'm being too sensitive (probably) but it hurt my feelings. I had DS 5 years ago and DD about 1 year ago. I've struggled to lose the weight. I'm 5'4 pre pregnancy I was about 120, but now I am around 150. I have just been overwhelmed with work, navigating a pandemic with 2 children at home, and other stresses.

I don't particularly dress sloppy but I am not into designer clothes and wear little to no makeup. Mostly wear workout gear (even though I haven't worked out in a while lol, and just basics).

It hurt my feelings but I don't even know if I have a reason to be hurt?

No, that's definitely a nasty little remark, OP. It is the definition of a backhanded compliment. I don't think there's any value in talking to her about this remark now, since the moment has passed, but it seems likely she will make a similar comment in the future, and if she does, I would respond with something like, "Wow, ouch. That's a pretty rude thing to say to another mom. I'm sorry you are stressed out by prioritizing exercise, but please don't take it out on me."

I would respond with something like, "Wow, ouch. That's a pretty rude thing to say to another mom. I'm sorry you are stressed out by prioritizing exercise, but please don't take it out on me.

NP here - Oh, my god, that is PERFECT!! I might have to write it down and spend time memorizing that statement for when someone says something like this to me. I can NEVER come up with something like this on the fly,,.

[Anonymous]

Thanks all, I really appreciate the kind responses!!!!

I don't talk about my looks or not putting in effort with her. She has never said something like this before, she was just complaining about the cost of cycling classes and I said I have never gone and it sounds too expensive. She made that comment and it hurt my feelings. I'm also 35, she's 41 so I felt it was very immature.

Thank you for all the feedback! I'll keep an eye if she makes another comment like this again and give some of your fabulous responses

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all, I really appreciate the kind responses!!!!

I don't talk about my looks or not putting in effort with her. She has never said something like this before, she was just complaining about the cost of cycling classes and I said I have never gone and it sounds too expensive. She made that comment and it hurt my feelings. I'm also 35, she's 41 so I felt it was very immature.

Thank you for all the feedback! I'll keep an eye if she makes another comment like this again and give some of your fabulous responses

*not age shaming btw with this post, just to say we are not 25 so I was a bit taken back by the comment...

[Anonymous]

Op we could be BFFs. We would giggle in the corner of the park while pulling our shirts down over our leggings. Don't let comments like that get to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only way it could be Ok is if you regularly make comments about not caring much.

+1