Other moms - am I being too sensitive
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Anonymous
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I have a group of mom friends in my neighborhood and our children play together. They're great, we're not best friends but it's nice to have people to talk to, as within my personal friends group, we are the only one with children.
One of my mom friends recently made a comment to me that she thinks it's "great I don't care what I look like and I don't put in too much effort." she followed up by she finds it "stressful getting up early to exercise everyday and get ready for the day." I'm not sure if I'm being too sensitive (probably) but it hurt my feelings. I had DS 5 years ago and DD about 1 year ago. I've struggled to lose the weight. I'm 5'4 pre pregnancy I was about 120, but now I am around 150. I have just been overwhelmed with work, navigating a pandemic with 2 children at home, and other stresses. I don't particularly dress sloppy but I am not into designer clothes and wear little to no makeup. Mostly wear workout gear (even though I haven't worked out in a while lol, and just basics). It hurt my feelings but I don't even know if I have a reason to be hurt? |
Anonymous
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That woman is a beee- oooottttchhhhhh
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Anonymous
| and also I'm sorry op. |
Anonymous
| Holy crap. That was a mean comment! You are not being too sensitive. Stay away from that woman and please ignore her insensitive comment! |
Anonymous
+1000 So sorry, OP. That’s horrible. |
Anonymous
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She is an insensitive jerk and does not deserve your friendship.
Avoid her or if that's not possible, then ice her out (i.e. don't share information with her, be polite but curt). |
Anonymous
| Those kinds of comments are the worst. Say a terrible thing but still get the plausible deniability because it’s said in the language of a complement. You cant call them in it without being accused of being insensitive. |
Anonymous
| What a horrible thing to say. She was being rude and offensive. Arrogant people have arrogant kids, so I'd keep an eye on how her kids talk to mine. Other than that, ignore her, and next time she says something then you can let her know what a weird backhanded compliment that is. |
Anonymous
| Uhhh no, you’re not being too sensitive. She’s mean. Kind people do not say that kind of thing. I would either confront her and tell her that the comment hurt your feelings, or keep your distance. Certainly don’t ever confide in her— She is not your friend. |
Anonymous
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Assume the best is my default. So I would assume that what she meant was that she was really tired from getting up early, and the strain of feeling like she has to dress well, and wishes she could be like you, who to her, seems like you don't get up early to work out and don't feel the strain to fit in with clothes.
If she mentions it again, I'd smile confusedly and say, "That's the second time you've said something like that. I REALLY hope you meant that differently than it came out, since the way it came out is that you're saying I look like shit." |
Anonymous
+another 1000 I'm a "say what you think" very non-sensitive person and this would make me so upset. |
Anonymous
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She envies your confidence and is wondering how to knock it down to her level. Don't let her.
Say, "yes, I know," and smile. Optionally, add an "it must be so hard for you." Smile again. Then when you part ways, do not waste another moment or energy of your precious life on this sorry "friend." |
Anonymous
| Yes it's an insulting comment, but I can't tell from just one incident if she purposely meant to be insulting in a frenemy kind of way or if she was just tactless and oblivious. If you've known her for months and this is the first such comment, I'd assume the latter and ignore. If it happens again and again, then you can call her out. |
Anonymous
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I would say it kind of depends on the context here. If you were happily going on about how you don’t care what you look like and don’t bother to exercise because who cares, then maybe she was just responding to that like, wow that’s a liberating attitude. She could have said it more politely but maybe that’s what it meant.
If that’s not how it came about and she just volunteered it out of the blue, then no. Rude. |
Anonymous
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I have - rather had - a mom friend like that who would always make backhanded comments. I got fed up and iced her out as others suggested. I was polite when we ran into eachother but no longer reached out or confided in her as a friend. My life is much better for it! I feel great about myself again.
Truly, it says more about the person that doesn’t dare see her neighbors without a full face of makeup. |