Surprised how the tone has changed from save it to divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think divorce is fun for the first few years when you can still date and then you get over all the alone time and "time off" of the kids and realize you don't really have a family anymore.

I felt like I did not have "a family" to begin with. I had a dictator and kids. Hence, a divorce. I hated every second of being married.

Exactly. I got away from my abuser and my marriage to HAVE peace with my family. He’s drunk somewhere. We don’t care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's been that way forever. I'm divorced for 7 years now and my ex-wife would foolishly come here for relationship advice. She got some of the juice to instigate a divorce (as well as horrible legal advice) right on this forum. I post here to try to give a wake-up call to women who think divorce is going to be great, and a judge is going to hand them everything. My ex is currently 100 pounds overweight, single, living in a home that smells like cat urine, and the kids don't respect her.

If you value marriage at all I'd leave this place and never come back.

Gosh- sounds like you married a real loser. I hope you’ve examined what that means about you.

OP I am one of the first to divorce amongst my social circle- I’m making mid size figures and have a freedom and peace my married friends envy. I have the time to stay in great shape and learn new skills and hobbies. I think divorce is awesome- and my the time my kids hit college I will have a solid decade of independence behind me. My married SAHM friends are going to be lost when the kids they’ve been smothering go off to college, and their husband to the office or golf course, and they have to recreate their lives. I’ve already done that work.

That's not envy, it's pity.

Maybe you’re right. But if they pity a woman who can support herself and her kids, and has the strength and grace to put her kids first, they probably aren’t people I’d want to know anyway. I don’t pity them with their husbands who support them or their lack of choices/autonomy. That’s their choice and I support my friends. I know most parents with kids and jobs have envied those without those things throughout this pandemic at times. Having every other weekend without my kids means I’ve had time to recharge and refresh in silence and order.

I’m sure they’re all just putting me though. You’re right. Thank you for taking the time to put me down. I hope you have a beautiful day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's been that way forever. I'm divorced for 7 years now and my ex-wife would foolishly come here for relationship advice. She got some of the juice to instigate a divorce (as well as horrible legal advice) right on this forum. I post here to try to give a wake-up call to women who think divorce is going to be great, and a judge is going to hand them everything. My ex is currently 100 pounds overweight, single, living in a home that smells like cat urine, and the kids don't respect her.

If you value marriage at all I'd leave this place and never come back.

Yeah, that is NOT the norm of post-divorce life for women.

As a man in his mid-50s who dates, I'd say many divorced women my age are as described above. About 2 percent seem to be thin, sane, and financially stable. Quite a few of them should have just hung onto their husbands.

I’m not thin, but I’m sane and divorced men were content with that. I didn’t struggle with finding dates because I was happy! I’m happily remarried and XH is now twice divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Posters trash people that reconcile after an affair. Even if somebody was faithful for 20 years, the family/marriage was happy, the cheater is extremely remorseful and in individual therapy. They call the woman (oddly not the men) all kinds of names...spineless, weak, etc. 80% do not divorce and many of those are women that are working and successful.

Marriages can end up being stronger and more fulfilling in the 2nd half when blown open and rebuilt. Not all situations are the same yet this board comes at it as if all cheaters/people and type of affairs are the same. Some cheaters are awful, some are not.

I agree there is a real delusion from some women about how great divorce will be financially for them. They often are shocked at the financial situation after.

The grass isn’t greener a lot of the time.

Life is more than this. It was financially rough for many years. However, it was SO PEACEFUL. I could come home to that two bedroom apartment and the atmosphere was so peaceful and happy. My oldest had to relearn how to laugh and enjoy herself at home without fear of triggering an angry man. You can’t buy tranquility and feeling relaxed.

That’s your personal experience though. A lot of people’s spouses were not angry or bad fathers or yelling/critical. Not even bad to their wives at home.

Nobody knows anyone else’s situation. They come at it through their own experience.

This board is mostly women. Women are very mean to other women a lot of the time. Also, some had truly awful husbands/marriages so don't understand that everyone has a different situation. It's a not a 'one-size fits all'.

[Anonymous]

I’m extremely happily married with a loving husband. I’m shocked at the stuff women put up with from men: abuse, screaming, throwing stuff, cheating on them nonstop, cursing them out in front of kids, men who don’t lift a finger. It’s like men behaving badly and I feel so bad for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's been that way forever. I'm divorced for 7 years now and my ex-wife would foolishly come here for relationship advice. She got some of the juice to instigate a divorce (as well as horrible legal advice) right on this forum. I post here to try to give a wake-up call to women who think divorce is going to be great, and a judge is going to hand them everything. My ex is currently 100 pounds overweight, single, living in a home that smells like cat urine, and the kids don't respect her.

If you value marriage at all I'd leave this place and never come back.

Yeah, that is NOT the norm of post-divorce life for women.

As a man in his mid-50s who dates, I'd say many divorced women my age are as described above. About 2 percent seem to be thin, sane, and financially stable. Quite a few of them should have just hung onto their husbands.

Mmmm ... how about option (c) no husband!! I’d say no husband is better than one you don’t want to be married to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's been that way forever. I'm divorced for 7 years now and my ex-wife would foolishly come here for relationship advice. She got some of the juice to instigate a divorce (as well as horrible legal advice) right on this forum. I post here to try to give a wake-up call to women who think divorce is going to be great, and a judge is going to hand them everything. My ex is currently 100 pounds overweight, single, living in a home that smells like cat urine, and the kids don't respect her.

If you value marriage at all I'd leave this place and never come back.

Yeah, that is NOT the norm of post-divorce life for women.

As a man in his mid-50s who dates, I'd say many divorced women my age are as described above. About 2 percent seem to be thin, sane, and financially stable. Quite a few of them should have just hung onto their husbands.

Mmmm ... how about option (c) no husband!! I’d say no husband is better than one you don’t want to be married to.

Amen. I have the best second husband in the world, but I’d divorce him in a minute if he mistreated me or I was suffering from being together.

[Anonymous]

It's easy tell other people what to do, what you don't have the balls to do yourself, when you don't have any skin in the game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM is weird. You can get totally different advice from one day to the next.

I don't know how long ago you were thinking of divorce, but I dunno, society is changing?

So, I've actually tested this out, and the first poster to respond to a thread sets the entire thread. Almost everyone adds to what the first poster says, with the occasional mild dissent.

This is a 100% true. Same topic, and same details, if the first poster decides they're going to be a see you next tuesday the others will follow it's interesting really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous[b wrote:]Posters trash people that reconcile after an affair. Even if somebody was faithful for 20 years, the family/marriage was happy, the cheater is extremely remorseful and in individual therapy. They call the woman (oddly not the men) all kinds of names...spineless, weak, etc. 80% do not divorce and many of those are women that are working and successful[/b].

Marriages can end up being stronger and more fulfilling in the 2nd half when blown open and rebuilt. Not all situations are the same yet this board comes at it as if all cheaters/people and type of affairs are the same. Some cheaters are awful, some are not.

I agree there is a real delusion from some women about how great divorce will be financially for them. They often are shocked at the financial situation after.

The grass isn’t greener a lot of the time.

No matter how hard you try you are not going to make "My cheating husband was a blessing in disguise" a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's been that way forever. I'm divorced for 7 years now and my ex-wife would foolishly come here for relationship advice. She got some of the juice to instigate a divorce (as well as horrible legal advice) right on this forum. I post here to try to give a wake-up call to women who think divorce is going to be great, and a judge is going to hand them everything. My ex is currently 100 pounds overweight, single, living in a home that smells like cat urine, and the kids don't respect her.

If you value marriage at all I'd leave this place and never come back.

Yeah, that is NOT the norm of post-divorce life for women.

As a man in his mid-50s who dates, I'd say many divorced women my age are as described above. About 2 percent seem to be thin, sane, and financially stable. Quite a few of them should have just hung onto their husbands.

I’m not thin, but I’m sane and divorced men were content with that. I didn’t struggle with finding dates because I was happy! I’m happily remarried and XH is now twice divorced.

Don't bother responding to the incels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m extremely happily married with a loving husband. I’m shocked at the stuff women put up with from men: abuse, screaming, throwing stuff, cheating on them nonstop, cursing them out in front of kids, men who don’t lift a finger. It’s like men behaving badly and I feel so bad for the kids.

It's really very sad. So many women are conditioned to accept toxic behavior from men. the same and shame/scold and push other women to do the same. We had a thread not too long ago with an OP with an abusive BF and there was actually 1 or 2 posters trying to convince her to stay and give him another chance. Another post about how a wife and her birthday who was initially not in the mood for whatever celebration and people told her her birthday wasn't about her and she should just be grateful her husband cared.

I guess for some any man who treats you any kind of way is better than no man. The really sad part for me is they are teaching their daughters and sons the same toxic things that they deserve to be treated badly in relationships or that they are entitled to treat someone badly and the cycle continues another generation.

[Anonymous]

Divorce is easy to say and hard to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is easy to say and hard to do.

So is “Stay married”.

When staying married was unbearable, the divorce was a relief. My only regret is waiting so long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]Posters trash people that reconcile after an affair. Even if somebody was faithful for 20 years, the family/marriage was happy, the cheater is extremely remorseful and in individual therapy. They call the woman (oddly not the men) all kinds of names...spineless, weak, etc. 80% do not divorce and many of those are women that are working and successful[/b].

Marriages can end up being stronger and more fulfilling in the 2nd half when blown open and rebuilt. Not all situations are the same yet this board comes at it as if all cheaters/people and type of affairs are the same. Some cheaters are awful, some are not.

I agree there is a real delusion from some women about how great divorce will be financially for them. They often are shocked at the financial situation after.

The grass isn’t greener a lot of the time.

No matter how hard you try you are not going to make "My cheating husband was a blessing in disguise" a thing.

Case in point.