Surprised how the tone has changed from save it to divorce

[Anonymous]

I’ve been on this forum more years than I care to count. The relationship discussion was a big draw for me when my kids were little and even beyond that. I really wanted to divorce DH. However, there was so much logic and push here to stick it out, etc and I’m glad I did. Now I see posts with similar problems and the majority of advice seems to lean towards divorce. What changed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been on this forum more years than I care to count. The relationship discussion was a big draw for me when my kids were little and even beyond that. I really wanted to divorce DH. However, there was so much logic and push here to stick it out, etc and I’m glad I did. Now I see posts with similar problems and the majority of advice seems to lean towards divorce. What changed?

Maybe it reflects a highly vocal subset of the board or my other pet theory that it is often vocal singles that are quick to suggest it, I am not sure. The extreme voices often dominate. There is certainly also a group of wiser, more mature posters who know a thing or two, lived it and suggest it in cases of abuse, but yes I agree, it is a common refrain here sometimes. Thankfully, there seems to usually be some balance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been on this forum more years than I care to count. The relationship discussion was a big draw for me when my kids were little and even beyond that. I really wanted to divorce DH. However, there was so much logic and push here to stick it out, etc and I’m glad I did. Now I see posts with similar problems and the majority of advice seems to lean towards divorce. What changed?

More options career-wise for women. Women see more friends and kids thriving post divorce. I was the second divorce in my social circle. There was so much pessimism and misinformation about what would happen to me. 15 years later, 1/2 are divorced. No one had that knee-jerk doom and gloom prediction anymore.

[Anonymous]

It's been that way forever. I'm divorced for 7 years now and my ex-wife would foolishly come here for relationship advice. She got some of the juice to instigate a divorce (as well as horrible legal advice) right on this forum. I post here to try to give a wake-up call to women who think divorce is going to be great, and a judge is going to hand them everything. My ex is currently 100 pounds overweight, single, living in a home that smells like cat urine, and the kids don't respect her.

If you value marriage at all I'd leave this place and never come back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's been that way forever. I'm divorced for 7 years now and my ex-wife would foolishly come here for relationship advice. She got some of the juice to instigate a divorce (as well as horrible legal advice) right on this forum. I post here to try to give a wake-up call to women who think divorce is going to be great, and a judge is going to hand them everything. My ex is currently 100 pounds overweight, single, living in a home that smells like cat urine, and the kids don't respect her.

If you value marriage at all I'd leave this place and never come back.

Yeah, that is NOT the norm of post-divorce life for women.

[Anonymous]

Much abusive behavior has been tolerated and normalized by women and society over the years, but after years of education some forms of abuse or less tolerated - emotional and verbal abuse and infidelity. 15-20 years ago those were “relationship” or “communication” problems. Now they are “abuse,” and rightfully so labelled, IMO.

[Anonymous]

DCUM is weird. You can get totally different advice from one day to the next.

I don't know how long ago you were thinking of divorce, but I dunno, society is changing?

[Anonymous]

It seems like younger millenials view marriage as a temporary or unnecessary construct, so divorce is viewed as almost inevitable. Or, they are having kids outside marriage more (but relationships viewed as committed t the time.)

But it also may be just who is online at the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems like younger millenials view marriage as a temporary or unnecessary construct, so divorce is viewed as almost inevitable. Or, they are having kids outside marriage more (but relationships viewed as committed t the time.)

But it also may be just who is online at the time.

Divorce is more common among older generations vs. millennials. Sorry, the divorce rate is on Boomers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems like younger millenials view marriage as a temporary or unnecessary construct, so divorce is viewed as almost inevitable. Or, they are having kids outside marriage more (but relationships viewed as committed t the time.)

But it also may be just who is online at the time.

That’s not at all what studies are finding. Several peer-reviewed studies found that millennials saw marriage as the finishing touch achieved after professional achievements and other accomplishments or experiences. Very similar to what researchers found in Scandinavia.

[Anonymous]

People are quick to tell you to divorce, but don’t you dare move on with your life, date, or get remarried. Then the DCUM crowd will flame you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's been that way forever. I'm divorced for 7 years now and my ex-wife would foolishly come here for relationship advice. She got some of the juice to instigate a divorce (as well as horrible legal advice) right on this forum. I post here to try to give a wake-up call to women who think divorce is going to be great, and a judge is going to hand them everything. My ex is currently 100 pounds overweight, single, living in a home that smells like cat urine, and the kids don't respect her.

If you value marriage at all I'd leave this place and never come back.

Gosh- sounds like you married a real loser. I hope you’ve examined what that means about you.

OP I am one of the first to divorce amongst my social circle- I’m making mid size figures and have a freedom and peace my married friends envy. I have the time to stay in great shape and learn new skills and hobbies. I think divorce is awesome- and my the time my kids hit college I will have a solid decade of independence behind me. My married SAHM friends are going to be lost when the kids they’ve been smothering go off to college, and their husband to the office or golf course, and they have to recreate their lives. I’ve already done that work.

[Anonymous]

Misery loves company.

[Anonymous]

Most of the divorced folks I see from the boomer generation (friends' parents) did not fare well. They are mostly lonely, spend half their holidays alone without their kids/grandkids, and aren't as financially well off. Travel doesn't hold the appeal because many of their friends are still married or they just don't have a "bestie" they travel well with. When their health declines, they don't have much help or support so they end up in homes quickly and because of their financial situation it's usually not a great place. The ones who end up living with their kids aren't particularly happy either.

[Anonymous]

I think divorce is fun for the first few years when you can still date and then you get over all the alone time and "time off" of the kids and realize you don't really have a family anymore.