divorced parents of young kids - how do you split christmas?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We alternate Christmas and New Year’s. A friend alternates Thanksgiving and Christmas. Splitting Christmas seems cruel to do to a kid, especially a little one who is excited for their new toys.

Your lawyers really dropped the ball in not advising you to add holidays. I would find a new one for the next custody agreement.

Mom has every day. Dad should not just get every few holidays.

Mom doesn’t get to miss out on every holiday since she has the kids the rest of the time. That’s not how a judge would decide.

[Anonymous]

Ex-DH and I celebrate Christmas morning together with DD (5). We alternate houses, one year I host, one year he hosts. Whosever year it is to host takes care of Christmas Eve prep.

We make different arrangements for after Christmas and to see other family/SOs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Odd years, you get Christmas Eve until noon on Christmas Day. Even years he gets Christmas Eve until noon on Christmas Day.

Do the same for her birthday.

Can’t believe you did not put this in the custody agreement.

From the perspective of the child of divorced parents, I would try not to do this unless you really have to. It’s easier on the child if there are traditions she gets to participate in every year. So every year Christmas Eve is with mom and Christmas morning is with Dad or whatever. Then she can have traditions. But if she’s at each house only every other year, then she doesn’t get to participate in any traditions every year. This might be especially important to your daughter since she has half siblings at her dad’s house. It doesn’t matter to the kids if Thanksgiving number two is on Friday. That only matters to the adults. It doesn’t matter to the kids if one of the Christmases is on Christmas Eve. But make it the same every year for her.

[Anonymous]

Day before Christmas eve through Christmas eve with dad. He brings them home a bit before bedtime and Christmas is with mom. That's for my kids.

With my step kids they are here. Some years their mom comes by for an hour or two, but most years she hasn't. It's at the point that we don't tell them she's coming so they don't get upset when she doesn't show.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is probably just catching on that divorce makes it harder to plan the holidays and harder to get his child time with the extended family. Men can be dense like that. Or his family is just coming around to see that divorce is permanent and will be their reality every year. Have some patience with him but you don't have to give him what he wants all the time.

Just to clarify, there is no extended family in the mix. By his family I meant his wife and step-children.

Given he little time he has and the fact that her dad has a new family, I think you could have tried harder to make it work. Your daughter needs to find her place in that new family and avoiding a rushed breakfast is not a reason to get in the way of her opportunity to find that place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is probably just catching on that divorce makes it harder to plan the holidays and harder to get his child time with the extended family. Men can be dense like that. Or his family is just coming around to see that divorce is permanent and will be their reality every year. Have some patience with him but you don't have to give him what he wants all the time.

Just to clarify, there is no extended family in the mix. By his family I meant his wife and step-children.

Given he little time he has and the fact that her dad has a new family, I think you could have tried harder to make it work. Your daughter needs to find her place in that new family and avoiding a rushed breakfast is not a reason to get in the way of her opportunity to find that place.

If the dad wanted time the dad should have planned for it the first time they made an agreement. He is trying to change the deal at the last minute and that is an annoying habit that OP does not have to indulge.

[Anonymous]

DC, 13 now but been like this since our separation/divorce - so five years

Thanksgiving we split the day 50/50 no matter who's week it is (DC is with me in AM though early evening, goes to ex for his family dinner, comes back to me after if its my week)

Christmas Eve we split the day 50/50 no matter who's week it is (DC is with me in the AM through early evening, goes to ex for his family dinner/presents, comes back to me after if its my week)

Christmas Day: we save our gifts to DC and the non-week parent goes to the others house where DC is with gifts. Both parents watch DC open gives from mom and dad. This year DC was with ex-h, I dropped my gifts the night before when I brought DC back over so they were already there for the AM. Then I brought most of the things I bought DC back to my house in the same tote bags I used to dropped the gifts the night before. Ex-h did the same when he was the one coming here regarding gifts.

Christmas Eve is the day that DC opens gifts from others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is probably just catching on that divorce makes it harder to plan the holidays and harder to get his child time with the extended family. Men can be dense like that. Or his family is just coming around to see that divorce is permanent and will be their reality every year. Have some patience with him but you don't have to give him what he wants all the time.

Just to clarify, there is no extended family in the mix. By his family I meant his wife and step-children.

Given he little time he has and the fact that her dad has a new family, I think you could have tried harder to make it work. Your daughter needs to find her place in that new family and avoiding a rushed breakfast is not a reason to get in the way of her opportunity to find that place.

If the dad wanted time the dad should have planned for it the first time they made an agreement. He is trying to change the deal at the last minute and that is an annoying habit that OP does not have to indulge.

We don't know the entire situation on why Dad didn't ask for more time. Mom may have refused and Dad didn't want to fight it out in court for cost and everything else. Dad is asking for a few hours extra on a holiday. Mom has the child every day so that is not so much to ask or offer him alternatives. She may not be flexible and he may have given up knowing what a nightmare she is to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is probably just catching on that divorce makes it harder to plan the holidays and harder to get his child time with the extended family. Men can be dense like that. Or his family is just coming around to see that divorce is permanent and will be their reality every year. Have some patience with him but you don't have to give him what he wants all the time.

Just to clarify, there is no extended family in the mix. By his family I meant his wife and step-children.

Given he little time he has and the fact that her dad has a new family, I think you could have tried harder to make it work. Your daughter needs to find her place in that new family and avoiding a rushed breakfast is not a reason to get in the way of her opportunity to find that place.

If the dad wanted time the dad should have planned for it the first time they made an agreement. He is trying to change the deal at the last minute and that is an annoying habit that OP does not have to indulge.

PP to whom you are responding. This isn't about dad. It's about how their daughter finds her place in her new life, which now consists of a whole family on her father's side. She didn't choose any of this and it would be really helpful to her if her mother assisted in the adjustment by letting her become part of the new family's traditions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is probably just catching on that divorce makes it harder to plan the holidays and harder to get his child time with the extended family. Men can be dense like that. Or his family is just coming around to see that divorce is permanent and will be their reality every year. Have some patience with him but you don't have to give him what he wants all the time.

Just to clarify, there is no extended family in the mix. By his family I meant his wife and step-children.

Given he little time he has and the fact that her dad has a new family, I think you could have tried harder to make it work. Your daughter needs to find her place in that new family and avoiding a rushed breakfast is not a reason to get in the way of her opportunity to find that place.

If the dad wanted time the dad should have planned for it the first time they made an agreement. He is trying to change the deal at the last minute and that is an annoying habit that OP does not have to indulge.

PP to whom you are responding. This isn't about dad. It's about how their daughter finds her place in her new life, which now consists of a whole family on her father's side. She didn't choose any of this and it would be really helpful to her if her mother assisted in the adjustment by letting her become part of the new family's traditions.

Its about both of them. Dad is not going to keep his bond or feel like a parent with seeing his child 4-6 days a month. It would be nice if Mom was more supportive, but she's not going to be, which will severe the bond between Dad/child.

[Anonymous]

We are supposed to trade off each holiday. We are amicable so we kind of work it out each holiday usually via text message. If no one is traveling we split TG and Christmas. Although i've had Christmas morning every year but 1. Ex dh this year took her second week of school break instead dd is now 11. She no longer believes in Santa so that kind of makes it simpler as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is probably just catching on that divorce makes it harder to plan the holidays and harder to get his child time with the extended family. Men can be dense like that. Or his family is just coming around to see that divorce is permanent and will be their reality every year. Have some patience with him but you don't have to give him what he wants all the time.

Just to clarify, there is no extended family in the mix. By his family I meant his wife and step-children.

Given he little time he has and the fact that her dad has a new family, I think you could have tried harder to make it work. Your daughter needs to find her place in that new family and avoiding a rushed breakfast is not a reason to get in the way of her opportunity to find that place.

If the dad wanted time the dad should have planned for it the first time they made an agreement. He is trying to change the deal at the last minute and that is an annoying habit that OP does not have to indulge.

PP to whom you are responding. This isn't about dad. It's about how their daughter finds her place in her new life, which now consists of a whole family on her father's side. She didn't choose any of this and it would be really helpful to her if her mother assisted in the adjustment by letting her become part of the new family's traditions.

Maybe the leisurely morning is her mom"s tradition. The child and her mom are a family too. The dad does not get to unilaterally change what he already agreed to, and if he wants her to become part of his new family he should have thought of it earlier. How much does he really care if he could not be bothered to plan?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is probably just catching on that divorce makes it harder to plan the holidays and harder to get his child time with the extended family. Men can be dense like that. Or his family is just coming around to see that divorce is permanent and will be their reality every year. Have some patience with him but you don't have to give him what he wants all the time.

Just to clarify, there is no extended family in the mix. By his family I meant his wife and step-children.

Given he little time he has and the fact that her dad has a new family, I think you could have tried harder to make it work. Your daughter needs to find her place in that new family and avoiding a rushed breakfast is not a reason to get in the way of her opportunity to find that place.

If the dad wanted time the dad should have planned for it the first time they made an agreement. He is trying to change the deal at the last minute and that is an annoying habit that OP does not have to indulge.

We don't know the entire situation on why Dad didn't ask for more time. Mom may have refused and Dad didn't want to fight it out in court for cost and everything else. Dad is asking for a few hours extra on a holiday. Mom has the child every day so that is not so much to ask or offer him alternatives. She may not be flexible and he may have given up knowing what a nightmare she is to deal with.

If it is so important to him he should have asked for it in the first round of negotiations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is probably just catching on that divorce makes it harder to plan the holidays and harder to get his child time with the extended family. Men can be dense like that. Or his family is just coming around to see that divorce is permanent and will be their reality every year. Have some patience with him but you don't have to give him what he wants all the time.

Just to clarify, there is no extended family in the mix. By his family I meant his wife and step-children.

Given he little time he has and the fact that her dad has a new family, I think you could have tried harder to make it work. Your daughter needs to find her place in that new family and avoiding a rushed breakfast is not a reason to get in the way of her opportunity to find that place.

If the dad wanted time the dad should have planned for it the first time they made an agreement. He is trying to change the deal at the last minute and that is an annoying habit that OP does not have to indulge.

PP to whom you are responding. This isn't about dad. It's about how their daughter finds her place in her new life, which now consists of a whole family on her father's side. She didn't choose any of this and it would be really helpful to her if her mother assisted in the adjustment by letting her become part of the new family's traditions.

Maybe the leisurely morning is her mom"s tradition. The child and her mom are a family too. The dad does not get to unilaterally change what he already agreed to, and if he wants her to become part of his new family he should have thought of it earlier. How much does he really care if he could not be bothered to plan?

There is no agreement for holidays. She offered every other weekend. He choose not to argue about it as reality is as a man he wouldn't get 50/50 without a court battle. She isn't flexible in any way over the visitation schedule. She probably wanted the visitation schedule limited so she can get more child support. Now she's restricting visits and not being flexible and soon will stop visits all together. Its clear to see where this is going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is probably just catching on that divorce makes it harder to plan the holidays and harder to get his child time with the extended family. Men can be dense like that. Or his family is just coming around to see that divorce is permanent and will be their reality every year. Have some patience with him but you don't have to give him what he wants all the time.

Just to clarify, there is no extended family in the mix. By his family I meant his wife and step-children.

Given he little time he has and the fact that her dad has a new family, I think you could have tried harder to make it work. Your daughter needs to find her place in that new family and avoiding a rushed breakfast is not a reason to get in the way of her opportunity to find that place.

If the dad wanted time the dad should have planned for it the first time they made an agreement. He is trying to change the deal at the last minute and that is an annoying habit that OP does not have to indulge.

PP to whom you are responding. This isn't about dad. It's about how their daughter finds her place in her new life, which now consists of a whole family on her father's side. She didn't choose any of this and it would be really helpful to her if her mother assisted in the adjustment by letting her become part of the new family's traditions.

Her "new life"? Her parents divorced when she was an infant. This has been her whole life.

The trolling is getting ridiculous at this point. Time to crawl back under your bridge.