divorced parents of young kids - how do you split christmas?

[Anonymous]

We did every other year alternating Thanksgiving and Christmas, making each holiday both the day itself and the days around it so that each parent could travel that year. It was nice not to have to negotiate each year and know that we could have a leisurely holiday with family on the years we had custody. I think this was better than dragging a kid back and forth for every holiday and made things more normal for both families.


You need to go back to court and amend your agreement now that your child is older to address things that have changed since she was a baby. Some things will just necessarily be different as a child ages and gets more independent.

[Anonymous]

How hard is it for two grown ass adults to just talk? “Hey, Christmas is in two weeks, what are your plans with Larla?” Ex and I communicate our plans as we both have our own families and spouses now. It is only difficult if you make it difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How hard is it for two grown ass adults to just talk? “Hey, Christmas is in two weeks, what are your plans with Larla?” Ex and I communicate our plans as we both have our own families and spouses now. It is only difficult if you make it difficult.

OP here. I had this exact conversation with DD's dad in early December. He said that he wanted to handle things as we did on Thanksgiving. On Christmas Eve he requested that I drop her off at 9 am, which is not what we did for Thanksgiving. This approach is not working, which is why I posted here. I would like to come up with an arrangement for next year right now so that there are no conversations two weeks before the holiday. I am truly not trying to make this difficult. I'm not out to punish him or make him look bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How hard is it for two grown ass adults to just talk? “Hey, Christmas is in two weeks, what are your plans with Larla?” Ex and I communicate our plans as we both have our own families and spouses now. It is only difficult if you make it difficult.

OP here. I had this exact conversation with DD's dad in early December. He said that he wanted to handle things as we did on Thanksgiving. On Christmas Eve he requested that I drop her off at 9 am, which is not what we did for Thanksgiving. This approach is not working, which is why I posted here. I would like to come up with an arrangement for next year right now so that there are no conversations two weeks before the holiday. I am truly not trying to make this difficult. I'm not out to punish him or make him look bad.

I hope you got what was agreed to in writing.

The thing is, different families do different things depending on their circumstances. There's no one solution and if you're looking for one, you won't find it.. Think about whether you actually do want to shuttle her back and forth, or whether you want to give her the gift of a no-transition Christmas on alternating years and free yourselves up to travel or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How hard is it for two grown ass adults to just talk? “Hey, Christmas is in two weeks, what are your plans with Larla?” Ex and I communicate our plans as we both have our own families and spouses now. It is only difficult if you make it difficult.

Please stop with your judgment and arrogance. Everyone is not as highly evolved as you and your ex. For every couple like you, there’s another one where one person wants to be petty or can’t articulate what they want or wants to play games or can’t commit to a plan.

[Anonymous]

I think it's okay to plan it two weeks before the holidays if that's what a family wants to do. But the problem is that he's not holding to the agreement. And it doesn't matter how far in advance the agreement is made, if he doesn't feel obligated to keep it. That's the problem here and it may or may not be solved by your declining to change the plan.

[Anonymous]

We alternate the Christmas morning experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How hard is it for two grown ass adults to just talk? “Hey, Christmas is in two weeks, what are your plans with Larla?” Ex and I communicate our plans as we both have our own families and spouses now. It is only difficult if you make it difficult.

OP here. I had this exact conversation with DD's dad in early December. He said that he wanted to handle things as we did on Thanksgiving. On Christmas Eve he requested that I drop her off at 9 am, which is not what we did for Thanksgiving. This approach is not working, which is why I posted here. I would like to come up with an arrangement for next year right now so that there are no conversations two weeks before the holiday. I am truly not trying to make this difficult. I'm not out to punish him or make him look bad.

Talk to him, not us. However, he gets very little time with her as she does him so you need to be flexible. You get her ever day!!! EVREY DAY! You are punishing her, not him. He'll move on and be less involved if you don't encourage involvement as its not worth fighting as he'll be on the losing end so if you just want child support and little contact, just say so and tell him he can have her on XXX time as you are not going to be flexible with visitation and all he gets is what is court ordered when you allow him to even have that.

[Anonymous]

I know several families who split the days (both Thanksgiving and Christmas) until the kids got older. When the kids reached their teens they told their parents they were tired of the splitting and opted for Thanksgiving with one parent--alternating years and Christmas Eve with the TG parent and Christmas Day with the parent who had not had them on TG.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How hard is it for two grown ass adults to just talk? “Hey, Christmas is in two weeks, what are your plans with Larla?” Ex and I communicate our plans as we both have our own families and spouses now. It is only difficult if you make it difficult.

OP here. I had this exact conversation with DD's dad in early December. He said that he wanted to handle things as we did on Thanksgiving. On Christmas Eve he requested that I drop her off at 9 am, which is not what we did for Thanksgiving. This approach is not working, which is why I posted here. I would like to come up with an arrangement for next year right now so that there are no conversations two weeks before the holiday. I am truly not trying to make this difficult. I'm not out to punish him or make him look bad.

Talk to him, not us. However, he gets very little time with her as she does him so you need to be flexible. You get her ever day!!! EVREY DAY! You are punishing her, not him. He'll move on and be less involved if you don't encourage involvement as its not worth fighting as he'll be on the losing end so if you just want child support and little contact, just say so and tell him he can have her on XXX time as you are not going to be flexible with visitation and all he gets is what is court ordered when you allow him to even have that.

Read the OP. This is the arrangement the dad wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did every other year alternating Thanksgiving and Christmas, making each holiday both the day itself and the days around it so that each parent could travel that year. It was nice not to have to negotiate each year and know that we could have a leisurely holiday with family on the years we had custody. I think this was better than dragging a kid back and forth for every holiday and made things more normal for both families.

This. Do not make your kids switch on Christmas Day for crying out loud.

Normal in my circles is on odd years one parent gets Christmas (from the time school is out until Dec 28) then the other parent gets Thanksgiving and NYE (from 28th to when kids go back to school.) Then even years it switches.

[Anonymous]

We alternate Christmas and New Year’s. A friend alternates Thanksgiving and Christmas. Splitting Christmas seems cruel to do to a kid, especially a little one who is excited for their new toys.

Your lawyers really dropped the ball in not advising you to add holidays. I would find a new one for the next custody agreement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We did every other year alternating Thanksgiving and Christmas, making each holiday both the day itself and the days around it so that each parent could travel that year. It was nice not to have to negotiate each year and know that we could have a leisurely holiday with family on the years we had custody. I think this was better than dragging a kid back and forth for every holiday and made things more normal for both families.

This. Do not make your kids switch on Christmas Day for crying out loud.

Normal in my circles is on odd years one parent gets Christmas (from the time school is out until Dec 28) then the other parent gets Thanksgiving and NYE (from 28th to when kids go back to school.) Then even years it switches.

This is what we do. (It’s not always the 28th depending how days of the week fall, but it’s generally around then). We still do presents under the tree and all on my off yard-it’s just a few days late. I feel like shuffling back and forth on Christmas would just be miserable for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We alternate Christmas and New Year’s. A friend alternates Thanksgiving and Christmas. Splitting Christmas seems cruel to do to a kid, especially a little one who is excited for their new toys.

Your lawyers really dropped the ball in not advising you to add holidays. I would find a new one for the next custody agreement.

Mom has every day. Dad should not just get every few holidays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How hard is it for two grown ass adults to just talk? “Hey, Christmas is in two weeks, what are your plans with Larla?” Ex and I communicate our plans as we both have our own families and spouses now. It is only difficult if you make it difficult.

OP here. I had this exact conversation with DD's dad in early December. He said that he wanted to handle things as we did on Thanksgiving. On Christmas Eve he requested that I drop her off at 9 am, which is not what we did for Thanksgiving. This approach is not working, which is why I posted here. I would like to come up with an arrangement for next year right now so that there are no conversations two weeks before the holiday. I am truly not trying to make this difficult. I'm not out to punish him or make him look bad.

Talk to him, not us. However, he gets very little time with her as she does him so you need to be flexible. You get her ever day!!! EVREY DAY! You are punishing her, not him. He'll move on and be less involved if you don't encourage involvement as its not worth fighting as he'll be on the losing end so if you just want child support and little contact, just say so and tell him he can have her on XXX time as you are not going to be flexible with visitation and all he gets is what is court ordered when you allow him to even have that.

Read the OP. This is the arrangement the dad wanted.

Maybe. We don’t know his side.