Husband leaving hospital early?

[Anonymous]

Can you change hospitals to one that allows partners to come and go? Also are you sure this is the hospital’s policy?

[Anonymous]

My DH had to go home after one night with our second & third (and second & third c-sections) at GW. He was able to come back during the day time, so a bit different, but it was completely manageable. However, if you end up on a magnesium drip, you will not be allowed to have the baby out alone and would have to send it to the nursery overnight or be prepared to ring and shout for nurses overnight, when the staffing is... not great. This is all to say: It will likely be fine, but I would have an emergency backup plan. Probably easier to get a backup plan at the hospital; ask about what happens in this scenario, can you bring someone new in? They might say in case of emergency, they will waive the no-reentering/new support person policy (they won’t let you have two at once, but this is a much less big ask).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you change hospitals to one that allows partners to come and go? Also are you sure this is the hospital’s policy?

I had a baby during COVID surge 2. These were common policies. You cannot return once you leave as a guest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has never stayed the night in the hospital. Someone should get good sleep!

This was our strategy. Two c-sections, and the baby-friendly hospital thing sucks, but I survived.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH had to go home after one night with our second & third (and second & third c-sections) at GW. He was able to come back during the day time, so a bit different, but it was completely manageable. However, if you end up on a magnesium drip, you will not be allowed to have the baby out alone and would have to send it to the nursery overnight or be prepared to ring and shout for nurses overnight, when the staffing is... not great. This is all to say: It will likely be fine, but I would have an emergency backup plan. Probably easier to get a backup plan at the hospital; ask about what happens in this scenario, can you bring someone new in? They might say in case of emergency, they will waive the no-reentering/new support person policy (they won’t let you have two at once, but this is a much less big ask).

OP here. Yes last birth DH went home night 2 after a c-section and it ended up being fine b/c nurses just had me beep them when I needed to move the baby. Honestly, it was pleasant to binge watch TV with a pudding cup and a sleeping baby, but of course I can't predict the future. My mother and certain friends could watch the kids if I had an a true emergency, and like you said, the hospital may change its policy in the moment for a true emergency. Luckily this is not a baby friendly hospital...they actually have a legit nursery pre covid and maybe that would return by the time I deliver.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did this with my second. My husband stayed for one night, and then left to be with our other child.

I didn't think it would be a big deal, but NO, with a c-section it was absolutely brutal. The hospital I gave birth at was very "baby-friendly" which meant I was alone in the room with a newborn 24/7. I couldn't physically pick them out of the crib thing because I'd just had major surgery. Unless you are positive you have a nursery to send the baby to - and are comfortable with that - it's just not a good idea. Even with the baby next to the bed - you can't twist in order to pick them up or put them down. You can't swaddle them. You really can't do much - except call the nurse every time you or the baby needs something. And it's super unsafe to just fall asleep with the baby on you... which would happen when I would doze off out of exhaustion, and the nurse would scold me, but of course not offer any other options.

It was pretty much the worst experience of my entire life.

Same girl. And I had a vaginal birth with blood loss and was in labor for 3 days (no sleep). I shook when I held the baby and they didn't care. For the 45k it cost my insurance, surely they could have had someone help me lift or watch the baby so I could sleep!

OP, have a backup plan in case of complications. A neighbor, a set of friends that could take 1 or 2 kids? I absolutely wouldn't mind watching someone's children and have multiple times during labor. I don't care who you are or how close we are.

So I have a question on logistics- if DH leaves and comes back to pick you up, who brings up the baby car seat and carries it to the car? Do you just leave all by yourself and they dump you at the entrance in a wheelchair?

OP here. Yes, we have people who would take the kids at night if we had an emergency. Sorry to hear about your birth...that was like my first and it was just awful. This hospital I am using now is not "baby friendly"...they had a nursery pre covid, much better and more helpful nursing at least last time I was there. My DH left one night and I was fine but of course he could come back.

About the carseat you now have to bring it with you when you come for delivery so I guess we'd do that or not bring it at all if I knew DH would leave for the 3rd night. He could just have it in the car when he picked me up. I figure this is the hospitals issue...I am sure they will want me out of there bad enough to figure this out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean you don't have a baby during COVID...by the time you were trying to get pregnant COVID was a thing and they were banning husband's from hospitals in New York. So I guess you'll need to hire someone and figure it out.

You suck.

Absolutely this person sucks! OP, I didn't have a C section but was in a similar boat. It's stressful but you'll figure something out. Can you ask a neighbor or coworker to help watch the kids? What about DH's family?

[Anonymous]

You have had nine months to figure this out,!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did this with my second. My husband stayed for one night, and then left to be with our other child.

I didn't think it would be a big deal, but NO, with a c-section it was absolutely brutal. The hospital I gave birth at was very "baby-friendly" which meant I was alone in the room with a newborn 24/7. I couldn't physically pick them out of the crib thing because I'd just had major surgery. Unless you are positive you have a nursery to send the baby to - and are comfortable with that - it's just not a good idea. Even with the baby next to the bed - you can't twist in order to pick them up or put them down. You can't swaddle them. You really can't do much - except call the nurse every time you or the baby needs something. And it's super unsafe to just fall asleep with the baby on you... which would happen when I would doze off out of exhaustion, and the nurse would scold me, but of course not offer any other options.

It was pretty much the worst experience of my entire life.

Same girl. And I had a vaginal birth with blood loss and was in labor for 3 days (no sleep). I shook when I held the baby and they didn't care. For the 45k it cost my insurance, surely they could have had someone help me lift or watch the baby so I could sleep!

OP, have a backup plan in case of complications. A neighbor, a set of friends that could take 1 or 2 kids? I absolutely wouldn't mind watching someone's children and have multiple times during labor. I don't care who you are or how close we are.

So I have a question on logistics- if DH leaves and comes back to pick you up, who brings up the baby car seat and carries it to the car? Do you just leave all by yourself and they dump you at the entrance in a wheelchair?

Bull! You had an OB and should have complained to him/her. There is a hoslital rep to help patients. I do not believe that you were on hard labor 72 hours.l
You also had months to arrange care for other child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did this with my second. My husband stayed for one night, and then left to be with our other child.

I didn't think it would be a big deal, but NO, with a c-section it was absolutely brutal. The hospital I gave birth at was very "baby-friendly" which meant I was alone in the room with a newborn 24/7. I couldn't physically pick them out of the crib thing because I'd just had major surgery. Unless you are positive you have a nursery to send the baby to - and are comfortable with that - it's just not a good idea. Even with the baby next to the bed - you can't twist in order to pick them up or put them down. You can't swaddle them. You really can't do much - except call the nurse every time you or the baby needs something. And it's super unsafe to just fall asleep with the baby on you... which would happen when I would doze off out of exhaustion, and the nurse would scold me, but of course not offer any other options.

It was pretty much the worst experience of my entire life.

Same girl. And I had a vaginal birth with blood loss and was in labor for 3 days (no sleep). I shook when I held the baby and they didn't care. For the 45k it cost my insurance, surely they could have had someone help me lift or watch the baby so I could sleep!

OP, have a backup plan in case of complications. A neighbor, a set of friends that could take 1 or 2 kids? I absolutely wouldn't mind watching someone's children and have multiple times during labor. I don't care who you are or how close we are.

So I have a question on logistics- if DH leaves and comes back to pick you up, who brings up the baby car seat and carries it to the car? Do you just leave all by yourself and they dump you at the entrance in a wheelchair?

Bull! You had an OB and should have complained to him/her. There is a hoslital rep to help patients. I do not believe that you were on hard labor 72 hours.l
You also had months to arrange care for other child.

wow. I also experienced something similar. I was left alone for days after surgery on painkillers with a newborn. I had no idea that my spouse was expected to substitute as hospital staff. I expected it to be similar as another major surgery I had.

You clearly have NO idea how badly some women have been treated at "baby friendly" hospitals. Baby friendly likely is wonderful when it's a normal delivery. when it's not, it can end up terrible for the mom.

I don't even think my OB was around and I can't imagine the reaction there would have been if I had said I felt unsafe with my newborn and needed help. Same with the hospital rep. I was treated badly and as a major inconvenience. As if it were pure entitlement to want to recover some a major surgery. I was in incredible pain trying to get out of bed to change a diaper.

It seems ridiculous that my spouse should have to stay at the hospital with me after the delivery so that he can perform the work of the hospital staff as opposed to sleeping in his own home and caring for his other child. Not everyone has a family member or friend that they can leave their older child with for 2-3 nights. Many grandparents are older and can't care for a young child for that long. If my husband has heart surgery, will I be expected to stay overnight with him to help him out of bed, use the restroom, take care of a baby, etc? no, of course not.

Next time, assuming it's not during COVID, I will hire someone to come to the hospital and allow me to recover. however this is ridiculous and most women don't have the financial means to hire outside staff for a delivery or surgery.



If a hospital is performing surgery, then it's usually assumed that the nights spent following the surgery are for the patient to recover and rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did this with my second. My husband stayed for one night, and then left to be with our other child.

I didn't think it would be a big deal, but NO, with a c-section it was absolutely brutal. The hospital I gave birth at was very "baby-friendly" which meant I was alone in the room with a newborn 24/7. I couldn't physically pick them out of the crib thing because I'd just had major surgery. Unless you are positive you have a nursery to send the baby to - and are comfortable with that - it's just not a good idea. Even with the baby next to the bed - you can't twist in order to pick them up or put them down. You can't swaddle them. You really can't do much - except call the nurse every time you or the baby needs something. And it's super unsafe to just fall asleep with the baby on you... which would happen when I would doze off out of exhaustion, and the nurse would scold me, but of course not offer any other options.

It was pretty much the worst experience of my entire life.

Same girl. And I had a vaginal birth with blood loss and was in labor for 3 days (no sleep). I shook when I held the baby and they didn't care. For the 45k it cost my insurance, surely they could have had someone help me lift or watch the baby so I could sleep!

OP, have a backup plan in case of complications. A neighbor, a set of friends that could take 1 or 2 kids? I absolutely wouldn't mind watching someone's children and have multiple times during labor. I don't care who you are or how close we are.

So I have a question on logistics- if DH leaves and comes back to pick you up, who brings up the baby car seat and carries it to the car? Do you just leave all by yourself and they dump you at the entrance in a wheelchair?

Bull! You had an OB and should have complained to him/her. There is a hoslital rep to help patients. I do not believe that you were on hard labor 72 hours.l
You also had months to arrange care for other child.

wow. I also experienced something similar. I was left alone for days after surgery on painkillers with a newborn. I had no idea that my spouse was expected to substitute as hospital staff. I expected it to be similar as another major surgery I had.

You clearly have NO idea how badly some women have been treated at "baby friendly" hospitals. Baby friendly likely is wonderful when it's a normal delivery. when it's not, it can end up terrible for the mom.

I don't even think my OB was around and I can't imagine the reaction there would have been if I had said I felt unsafe with my newborn and needed help. Same with the hospital rep. I was treated badly and as a major inconvenience. As if it were pure entitlement to want to recover some a major surgery. I was in incredible pain trying to get out of bed to change a diaper.

It seems ridiculous that my spouse should have to stay at the hospital with me after the delivery so that he can perform the work of the hospital staff as opposed to sleeping in his own home and caring for his other child. Not everyone has a family member or friend that they can leave their older child with for 2-3 nights. Many grandparents are older and can't care for a young child for that long. If my husband has heart surgery, will I be expected to stay overnight with him to help him out of bed, use the restroom, take care of a baby, etc? no, of course not.

Next time, assuming it's not during COVID, I will hire someone to come to the hospital and allow me to recover. however this is ridiculous and most women don't have the financial means to hire outside staff for a delivery or surgery.



If a hospital is performing surgery, then it's usually assumed that the nights spent following the surgery are for the patient to recover and rest.

OP here! I was in labor for 72 hours with my 1st. Its more common than you think. After labor I was put on a magnesium drip and just left with my baby....drugged and delirious. Luckily my husband was there but he had also been up for much of that time and we would have really benefited from some nursing assistance that was nowhree to be found. I don't know if I even saw an OB after delivery...just the nurse and an intern that checked down there. I wised up after that and found myself a hospital with more support and without the "baby friendly" designation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:. If my husband has heart surgery, will I be expected to stay overnight with him to help him out of bed, use the restroom, take care of a baby, etc? no, of course not.

It’s not required, but yeah, if your husband is hospitalized he’s going to get much much better overnight care if you spend the night to help him than if he’s on his own with the nurses. Sometimes you have to chase them down for whatever it is you need — bathroom, meds, an issue with a monitor. When DH was in the hospital, I was there taking care of him and making sure he got what he needed, because he couldn’t and the nursing staff varied substantially (and even the great ones were really busy).

[Anonymous]

Had a CS and DH did this pre-pandemic due to childcare needs. It was fine, even at a “baby-friendly” hospital. I politely told, rather than asked, the nurses when I needed help or for them to take the baby so I could sleep. They were quite helpful. Would absolutely do it again if needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:. If my husband has heart surgery, will I be expected to stay overnight with him to help him out of bed, use the restroom, take care of a baby, etc? no, of course not.

It’s not required, but yeah, if your husband is hospitalized he’s going to get much much better overnight care if you spend the night to help him than if he’s on his own with the nurses. Sometimes you have to chase them down for whatever it is you need — bathroom, meds, an issue with a monitor. When DH was in the hospital, I was there taking care of him and making sure he got what he needed, because he couldn’t and the nursing staff varied substantially (and even the great ones were really busy).

The difference being that if you weren't there your husband wasn't going to be getting less satisfactory post-operative overnight care while also being expected to care for a helpless newborn baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:. If my husband has heart surgery, will I be expected to stay overnight with him to help him out of bed, use the restroom, take care of a baby, etc? no, of course not.

It’s not required, but yeah, if your husband is hospitalized he’s going to get much much better overnight care if you spend the night to help him than if he’s on his own with the nurses. Sometimes you have to chase them down for whatever it is you need — bathroom, meds, an issue with a monitor. When DH was in the hospital, I was there taking care of him and making sure he got what he needed, because he couldn’t and the nursing staff varied substantially (and even the great ones were really busy).

The difference being that if you weren't there your husband wasn't going to be getting less satisfactory post-operative overnight care while also being expected to care for a helpless newborn baby.

True! But OTOH he was significantly more debilitated than a c-section leaves you. I'm just saying, this is a "it's really hard to be in the hospital without support regardless of circumstance" point not at "everyone is mean to women" point.