Husband leaving hospital early?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did this with my second. My husband stayed for one night, and then left to be with our other child.

I didn't think it would be a big deal, but NO, with a c-section it was absolutely brutal. The hospital I gave birth at was very "baby-friendly" which meant I was alone in the room with a newborn 24/7. I couldn't physically pick them out of the crib thing because I'd just had major surgery. Unless you are positive you have a nursery to send the baby to - and are comfortable with that - it's just not a good idea. Even with the baby next to the bed - you can't twist in order to pick them up or put them down. You can't swaddle them. You really can't do much - except call the nurse every time you or the baby needs something. And it's super unsafe to just fall asleep with the baby on you... which would happen when I would doze off out of exhaustion, and the nurse would scold me, but of course not offer any other options.

It was pretty much the worst experience of my entire life.

Same girl. And I had a vaginal birth with blood loss and was in labor for 3 days (no sleep). I shook when I held the baby and they didn't care. For the 45k it cost my insurance, surely they could have had someone help me lift or watch the baby so I could sleep!

OP, have a backup plan in case of complications. A neighbor, a set of friends that could take 1 or 2 kids? I absolutely wouldn't mind watching someone's children and have multiple times during labor. I don't care who you are or how close we are.

So I have a question on logistics- if DH leaves and comes back to pick you up, who brings up the baby car seat and carries it to the car? Do you just leave all by yourself and they dump you at the entrance in a wheelchair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are worried about having help, I'd ask the hospital for advice. Obviously they aren't going to let a newborn baby and a drugged up mom suffer it out all on their own. That would be extremely irresponsible.

Hahaha

You don’t have much experience in the maternity ward do you?

I've had 4 kids but all overseas where the care was phenomenal. Even when it wasn't, it was better than what you all are saying happens here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are worried about having help, I'd ask the hospital for advice. Obviously they aren't going to let a newborn baby and a drugged up mom suffer it out all on their own. That would be extremely irresponsible.

Hahaha

You don’t have much experience in the maternity ward do you?

+1!!!!! It's a show of how unimportant women are after the baby is born. NO ONE cares about mom once she's delivered. What other major surgery would they even let you hold a baby while hopped up on painkillers, let alone be the only caregiver for it while in the hospital?

[Anonymous]

My husband has never stayed the night in the hospital. Someone should get good sleep!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are worried about having help, I'd ask the hospital for advice. Obviously they aren't going to let a newborn baby and a drugged up mom suffer it out all on their own. That would be extremely irresponsible.

Hahaha

You don’t have much experience in the maternity ward do you?

+1!!!!! It's a show of how unimportant women are after the baby is born. NO ONE cares about mom once she's delivered. What other major surgery would they even let you hold a baby while hopped up on painkillers, let alone be the only caregiver for it while in the hospital?

Well then they should change their policies. My husband will be leaving also to be with our other children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently had a csection at GW. I think you would need help in the hospital on the 2nd night depending on how helpful the staff is. I would either get a sibling doula for the kids or let your husband go home on the 2nd night and have someone else come to hospital to help you. I was on pretty strong painkillers for the first few days and I wouldn’t risk being alone with the baby so soon.

She can only have one visitor and once they leave they can't come back. This is her concern. She has a specific COVID issue giving birth.

[Anonymous]

How about you ask a friend or your mom to be your support person instead. They can stay with you and your husband stays at home with the kids.

Also, there is a nursery.

[Anonymous]

No they should not change their policy. We should change our ways. The medical community has been yelling at the top of their lungs for help. Now the system is over burdened and the staff needs to stay safe. If we all did what we were suppose to and stopped traveling and shopping and wandering about we would not be here.

Op...it sucks. I am sorry. You have time. Get a friend to stay with your kids or have your husband stay with them and the friend with you.

[Anonymous]

My DH didn’t stay overnight for my first c section because he was home with my oldest. But that was pre-COVID and there was a nursery. I had my third child this summer and with no nursery, it would have been really tough to not have DH there.

[Anonymous]

What do your other kids do for care right now? Could you ask a daycare teacher if they babysit and would be willing to take an overnight? Can your nanny do one night? Those would be people in your "bubble" already so no additional risk. So that gives your mom one night and additional care another night. Husband then goes home for the last night or two.

I had a c section in October for my third. DH stayed first night and no other nights. He was allowed to come during the day but it was usually only for a few hours. Nurses were very understanding and helped a lot. They never made me feel badly about using the call button for help. By day 3 I was feeling ok enough to do everything but night 2 was hard.

[Anonymous]

And take care naps when the nurses are doing blood work or hearing test or given baby a bath or whatever. Even 15 min.

Let the nurse swaddle after they do their check, since my baby did better with nurse swaddle and get the 20 min of sleep after they checked baby
Take any time you can get

[Anonymous]

I mean you don't have a baby during COVID...by the time you were trying to get pregnant COVID was a thing and they were banning husband's from hospitals in New York. So I guess you'll need to hire someone and figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean you don't have a baby during COVID...by the time you were trying to get pregnant COVID was a thing and they were banning husband's from hospitals in New York. So I guess you'll need to hire someone and figure it out.

You suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No they should not change their policy. We should change our ways. The medical community has been yelling at the top of their lungs for help. Now the system is over burdened and the staff needs to stay safe. If we all did what we were suppose to and stopped traveling and shopping and wandering about we would not be here.

Op...it sucks. I am sorry. You have time. Get a friend to stay with your kids or have your husband stay with them and the friend with you.

The PP who said they should change their policy was talking about non-covid postpartum care. A lot of PPs here are describing bad experiences in non-pandemic times. Nobody is suggesting that we should throw away Covid precautions at hospitals.

[Anonymous]

The sibling doula or another care giver might be a good move. As you’d be paying them you could work out an on call distancing set up. I imagine most folks working around birth or sitter you know well would be agreeable to the request. Set a time frame that feels safe, decide on testing options.