Husband leaving hospital early?

[Anonymous]

I am giving birth to my fourth child this spring and am planning a c-section. My husband is of course coming for the birth, but the hospital policy is that your one visitor can't leave and come back. We have no local family and with three small children no family friend I could ask to take all the kids for multiple nights. My mother can drive in and is able to watch the kids for one night but that is her max (for sake of the question just take this as a given...she is older with health issues and can't do more). I have lots of friends who could watch various groups of kids but its a lot of logistics with driving and, again, my mom can't manage this.

Is it crazy to think a good plan would be to have my husband come for the c-section and stay the first night...and then go home? He could then come pick me up when we are discharged. Sure, its not ideal but I'd be OK. I've had babies before so this is not new, but my major concern would be if I had a small complication after he left...assuming for a large complication they might let him back in but who knows??

[Anonymous]

What a bummer! My husband didn’t stay long after my second c section and it was fine. I’m sure you’ll be taken care of by the staff.

[Anonymous]

I recently had a csection at GW. I think you would need help in the hospital on the 2nd night depending on how helpful the staff is. I would either get a sibling doula for the kids or let your husband go home on the 2nd night and have someone else come to hospital to help you. I was on pretty strong painkillers for the first few days and I wouldn’t risk being alone with the baby so soon.

[Anonymous]

I would ask, but I imagine that they would let him come back if either you or the baby were in serious trouble. Ether don’t want people coming and going Willy-nilly, but a medical emergency is usually treated differently.

[Anonymous]

I did this with my second. My husband stayed for one night, and then left to be with our other child.

I didn't think it would be a big deal, but NO, with a c-section it was absolutely brutal. The hospital I gave birth at was very "baby-friendly" which meant I was alone in the room with a newborn 24/7. I couldn't physically pick them out of the crib thing because I'd just had major surgery. Unless you are positive you have a nursery to send the baby to - and are comfortable with that - it's just not a good idea. Even with the baby next to the bed - you can't twist in order to pick them up or put them down. You can't swaddle them. You really can't do much - except call the nurse every time you or the baby needs something. And it's super unsafe to just fall asleep with the baby on you... which would happen when I would doze off out of exhaustion, and the nurse would scold me, but of course not offer any other options.

It was pretty much the worst experience of my entire life.

[Anonymous]

My DH stayed only for one night with my second and no nights with my third. We just had no childcare options like you.

It sucked but it's what we had to do. Nurses said it happens sometimes and they didn't think it was strange (or at least didn't show it). DH came with the kids the next morning.

[Anonymous]

Yes have him go home. The nurses can help you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did this with my second. My husband stayed for one night, and then left to be with our other child.

I didn't think it would be a big deal, but NO, with a c-section it was absolutely brutal. The hospital I gave birth at was very "baby-friendly" which meant I was alone in the room with a newborn 24/7. I couldn't physically pick them out of the crib thing because I'd just had major surgery. Unless you are positive you have a nursery to send the baby to - and are comfortable with that - it's just not a good idea. Even with the baby next to the bed - you can't twist in order to pick them up or put them down. You can't swaddle them. You really can't do much - except call the nurse every time you or the baby needs something. And it's super unsafe to just fall asleep with the baby on you... which would happen when I would doze off out of exhaustion, and the nurse would scold me, but of course not offer any other options.

It was pretty much the worst experience of my entire life.

I made the grave mistake of delivering my first at a "baby-friendly" hospital. It was horrific. This hospital I am using now I had my previous child at and also a c-section...at least before covid they had a nursery and the staff was helpful. They took him a few times and would bring him back to eat--it was lovely. But I agree there is a lot of unknown like if its busy or I get a crabby nurse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently had a csection at GW. I think you would need help in the hospital on the 2nd night depending on how helpful the staff is. I would either get a sibling doula for the kids or let your husband go home on the 2nd night and have someone else come to hospital to help you. I was on pretty strong painkillers for the first few days and I wouldn’t risk being alone with the baby so soon.

Yes. We have babysitters we could ask to stay overnight but I am scared of them bringing in covid. Perhaps this will be calmer in the spring when this all happens b/c it would be very nice to get DH for 2 nights.

[Anonymous]

I’ve had three csections and my dh never stayed overnight at the hospital. I didn’t think it was that difficult taking care of my baby afterwards, so much so that we planned it that way for the subsequent births. I had easy recoveries and liked the peace and quiet. It’s good to get up moving as soon as possible after surgery, so lifting baby every few hours was fine.

[Anonymous]

For my 4th, I was happy for my DH to go home about 1 hour after the baby was born. Then the baby and I bonded for a bit and then we both went to sleep and honestly it was a lovely respite from the chaos of home. There is no reason for him to stay! You see him heaps during Covid anyways!

[Anonymous]

If you are worried about having help, I'd ask the hospital for advice. Obviously they aren't going to let a newborn baby and a drugged up mom suffer it out all on their own. That would be extremely irresponsible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve had three csections and my dh never stayed overnight at the hospital. I didn’t think it was that difficult taking care of my baby afterwards, so much so that we planned it that way for the subsequent births. I had easy recoveries and liked the peace and quiet. It’s good to get up moving as soon as possible after surgery, so lifting baby every few hours was fine.

Yes this what I am hoping for. He can stay a night so that is covered. He has gone back and forth for previous births including some nights and it was all fine, but I get worried at the 'rule' that he can't come back in. It just makes me nervous to have him banned.

[Anonymous]

Not to scare you but I had a similar plan with my third child. We have no local family, a good friend was going to watch my other two young children, and my husband was only going to stay one night at the hospital. Well, my third needed to go to the NICU! I had a very healthy pregnancy, but the baby was born with irregular breathing and was in the NICU for a week. Luckily there was no pandemic, and my mother was able to fly in immediately to help out with my other children. DC is now 5 years old and has no health issues but just had a rough time after birth. I guess what I am trying to say is have a back up plan in case the baby (or you) require additional time at the hospital.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are worried about having help, I'd ask the hospital for advice. Obviously they aren't going to let a newborn baby and a drugged up mom suffer it out all on their own. That would be extremely irresponsible.

Hahaha

You don’t have much experience in the maternity ward do you?