Dear brides and grooms pressuring people to attend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the MOH for a wedding shortly after New Year. The rest of the bridal party dropped out. I'm the last one standing. The bride is my sister. I really REALLY do not want to do this. It involves travel and lots of indoor socializing with lots of people in a state that's in COVID denial and hasn't limited gatherings or encouraged masks. But she's made it clear that she's getting married in a specific time and place, and if people don't show up, well she'll learn to accept the fact that her closest family and friends don't truly love her.
It is beyond selfish, and I don't know how to back out without ruining our relationship for life.

Another vote for you to get very sick a few days out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The whole thing sucks right now. We’re having a covid ceremony and too many people are asking to come! We have to figure out how to say no to the people who want the option of attending the “local” event when it’s not an event it’s just us getting legally married so we can move on with our lives as a couple before the bigger wedding reception later!

Just tell them it is cancelled.

[Anonymous]

selfish

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the MOH for a wedding shortly after New Year. The rest of the bridal party dropped out. I'm the last one standing. The bride is my sister. I really REALLY do not want to do this. It involves travel and lots of indoor socializing with lots of people in a state that's in COVID denial and hasn't limited gatherings or encouraged masks. But she's made it clear that she's getting married in a specific time and place, and if people don't show up, well she'll learn to accept the fact that her closest family and friends don't truly love her.
It is beyond selfish, and I don't know how to back out without ruining our relationship for life.

Another vote for you to get very sick a few days out.

Always an option, but I'd rather the whole thing just be cancelled or turned into an elopement. Last-minute illness means I either have to eat the costs of buying an expensive bridesmaid dress, plane tickets, etc., or be very very good at pretending to do these things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear guests who don't want to attend:

Thank you for your honesty. I understand we are making different choices and that you don't like mine. Please don't make me feel guilty that I still need to move on with my life and don't ask me to reschedule or make me feel guilty for "not including" you

It's a party. It's not "moving on with your life". You're choosing to risk people's deaths so you can have a party and wear a pretty dress. It's not something you need.

If you need to get married, and that can be a legit need, then do that, but don't invite people.

I do feel really bad for COVID brides and grooms, somewhat like the war brides and grooms who had quickie weddings at the courthouse before shipping out. In times like these, you don't get to have all of your old traditions. You make new ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the MOH for a wedding shortly after New Year. The rest of the bridal party dropped out. I'm the last one standing. The bride is my sister. I really REALLY do not want to do this. It involves travel and lots of indoor socializing with lots of people in a state that's in COVID denial and hasn't limited gatherings or encouraged masks. But she's made it clear that she's getting married in a specific time and place, and if people don't show up, well she'll learn to accept the fact that her closest family and friends don't truly love her.
It is beyond selfish, and I don't know how to back out without ruining our relationship for life.

If you sister said two of your duties were to shave your head and puncture your ear drum, would you do it?

I had a medium case of Covid this summer (caught from a 13-year old who was asymptomatic) and my hair is falling out in clumps.
I also can't hear on one side.

The hair issue is a 50% of the time symptom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're worried, don't go. Op's complaint is completely legit. Op, is ridiculous that you had to put up with pressure. Everyone else piling-on against a small group of people standing in a field, and a couple saying, "I Do" --- chill. Not every thing is dangerous.

I spoke yesterday with a friend whose cousin had a "small, outdoor" wedding in upstate New York the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Eighteen out of 30 now have COVID. The hardest hit was a 22-year-old with no health problems who is now in ICU. They wore masks, it was outside...

Wow, really? Were there any indoor events/socializing that happened along with it, do you know? This is making me anxious about seeing my parents outdoors masked/from a distance now...

Yes, really. This happened. People say they are being careful. But they freaking lie, or are genuinely clueless. Or they start out careful, then they slip. Like they take the mask off for a photo, and that turns into side-hugs and a 3-minute chat. Or masks come off in the venue's bathroom area, and people chat while waiting their turn.

This. They say they are being careful, but they are eating and/or drinking, so they take the mask off, or they stand closer to talk or take photos, or they are hugging people, etc. Any event with food and drink is not an event that counts as "masked," IMO, because the masks inevitably come off. And alcohol reduces inhibitions and situational awareness. People just aren't as careful as they think they are.

A wedding in Washington State likely caused the deaths of at least six nursing home residents.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2020/12/07/washington-superspreader-wedding-nursing-homes-covid/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear guests who don't want to attend:

Thank you for your honesty. I understand we are making different choices and that you don't like mine. Please don't make me feel guilty that I still need to move on with my life and don't ask me to reschedule or make me feel guilty for "not including" you

OP here. Nope, sorry. All we did was send back the reply card with “regrets.” We didn’t so much as text or call. We checked a box.

And then the phone calls and triangulated campaign started...

It would have been nice to at least call or write a proper note with your regrets and wish them well. Checking a box is a bit dismissive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the MOH for a wedding shortly after New Year. The rest of the bridal party dropped out. I'm the last one standing. The bride is my sister. I really REALLY do not want to do this. It involves travel and lots of indoor socializing with lots of people in a state that's in COVID denial and hasn't limited gatherings or encouraged masks. But she's made it clear that she's getting married in a specific time and place, and if people don't show up, well she'll learn to accept the fact that her closest family and friends don't truly love her.
It is beyond selfish, and I don't know how to back out without ruining our relationship for life.

I'll be honest --- if it were me, I'd think that the relationship was already ruined. She is using emotional manipulation to try to get people to risk their health, and the health of others, for a party (NOT a wedding, since she can get married). She is incredibly selfish. Even if you go along, you'll always know that your sister was okay with you getting sick, maybe very sick, and maybe dying, for a non-essential, non-emergency event. It would be one thing if she really wanted you to come and be one of two witnesses or something, but she's having a big wedding and reception, which is not remotely necessary or advisable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear guests who don't want to attend:

Thank you for your honesty. I understand we are making different choices and that you don't like mine. Please don't make me feel guilty that I still need to move on with my life and don't ask me to reschedule or make me feel guilty for "not including" you

OP here. Nope, sorry. All we did was send back the reply card with “regrets.” We didn’t so much as text or call. We checked a box.

And then the phone calls and triangulated campaign started...

It would have been nice to at least call or write a proper note with your regrets and wish them well. Checking a box is a bit dismissive.

So what? It doesn't give them license to pressure OP to attend. Plus, if they are the sorts of people who would do this, I don't blame OP for not calling them, and not giving them any reason (which they would be likely to take offense at, since people who have these kind of events tend to "feel judged" if others don't attend because of concerns about the pandemic).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the MOH for a wedding shortly after New Year. The rest of the bridal party dropped out. I'm the last one standing. The bride is my sister. I really REALLY do not want to do this. It involves travel and lots of indoor socializing with lots of people in a state that's in COVID denial and hasn't limited gatherings or encouraged masks. But she's made it clear that she's getting married in a specific time and place, and if people don't show up, well she'll learn to accept the fact that her closest family and friends don't truly love her.
It is beyond selfish, and I don't know how to back out without ruining our relationship for life.

I'll be honest --- if it were me, I'd think that the relationship was already ruined. She is using emotional manipulation to try to get people to risk their health, and the health of others, for a party (NOT a wedding, since she can get married). She is incredibly selfish. Even if you go along, you'll always know that your sister was okay with you getting sick, maybe very sick, and maybe dying, for a non-essential, non-emergency event. It would be one thing if she really wanted you to come and be one of two witnesses or something, but she's having a big wedding and reception, which is not remotely necessary or advisable.

+1. She's already ruined the relationship. There's no need to maintain a relationship with someone who is willing to put your life at risk for a party. Just cut her out and don't think twice. Life is too short to waste time on toxic people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the MOH for a wedding shortly after New Year. The rest of the bridal party dropped out. I'm the last one standing. The bride is my sister. I really REALLY do not want to do this. It involves travel and lots of indoor socializing with lots of people in a state that's in COVID denial and hasn't limited gatherings or encouraged masks. But she's made it clear that she's getting married in a specific time and place, and if people don't show up, well she'll learn to accept the fact that her closest family and friends don't truly love her.
It is beyond selfish, and I don't know how to back out without ruining our relationship for life.

I'll be honest --- if it were me, I'd think that the relationship was already ruined. She is using emotional manipulation to try to get people to risk their health, and the health of others, for a party (NOT a wedding, since she can get married). She is incredibly selfish. Even if you go along, you'll always know that your sister was okay with you getting sick, maybe very sick, and maybe dying, for a non-essential, non-emergency event. It would be one thing if she really wanted you to come and be one of two witnesses or something, but she's having a big wedding and reception, which is not remotely necessary or advisable.

+1. She's already ruined the relationship. There's no need to maintain a relationship with someone who is willing to put your life at risk for a party. Just cut her out and don't think twice. Life is too short to waste time on toxic people.

+2. The best thing I ever did was cut toxic family members out of my life. I remember when I did it, everyone flipped out because no one had ever done such a thing. But since then, so many said they had wished they had done the same years ago. I have saved myself so many years of toxicity because I respected my own life.

[Anonymous]

Once you are married you realize like many other things, wedding suck and are a waste of money. Make it small, nobody enjoys them, they all lie when they tell you they had such a great time and nobody thinks your bridesmaid dresses looked so great.

just being honest and saying what many of us think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear guests who don't want to attend:

Thank you for your honesty. I understand we are making different choices and that you don't like mine. Please don't make me feel guilty that I still need to move on with my life and don't ask me to reschedule or make me feel guilty for "not including" you

OP here. Nope, sorry. All we did was send back the reply card with “regrets.” We didn’t so much as text or call. We checked a box.

And then the phone calls and triangulated campaign started...

It would have been nice to at least call or write a proper note with your regrets and wish them well. Checking a box is a bit dismissive.

It’s a pre-printed SASE sent with the wedding invite for exactly that purpose.

Plus, invite me to your COVID event, and I feel very free to dismiss you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the MOH for a wedding shortly after New Year. The rest of the bridal party dropped out. I'm the last one standing. The bride is my sister. I really REALLY do not want to do this. It involves travel and lots of indoor socializing with lots of people in a state that's in COVID denial and hasn't limited gatherings or encouraged masks. But she's made it clear that she's getting married in a specific time and place, and if people don't show up, well she'll learn to accept the fact that her closest family and friends don't truly love her.
It is beyond selfish, and I don't know how to back out without ruining our relationship for life.

That's on her.

Are you willing to have long-term health issues, or possibly die for her? That's what she is asking of you.

I would call her on this bogus litmus test of your love and send regrets.