Uncooperative Ex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUMs just like to blame women for their lot in life. If you are divorced, it's your fault. Just make decisions based on what you can afford. If he agrees and then doesn't come through with the money, you will be stuck.

No one is blaming anyone. Kid needs to go to their state school. Mom will get child support till 21 that can be used to cover Dad's share. Mom can also contribute and the rest can be financial aid or loans. No one is owed college. Don't pretend he's not contributing when he is paying child support.

You must not go here. OP states she lives in DC. There is no state school.

You get the DC college grant to go to a state school and there is UDC.

Are you one of the many that mistakenly believes the grant gives DC residents in-state tuition? If so, you are wrong. It is a 10k grant and if you know anything about the difference between in and out of state tuition, it doesn't make it an even playing field. So your advice to go to the state school isn't helpful or insightful. Your additional mention of UDC is further evidence that you don't go here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUMs just like to blame women for their lot in life. If you are divorced, it's your fault. Just make decisions based on what you can afford. If he agrees and then doesn't come through with the money, you will be stuck.

No one is blaming anyone. Kid needs to go to their state school. Mom will get child support till 21 that can be used to cover Dad's share. Mom can also contribute and the rest can be financial aid or loans. No one is owed college. Don't pretend he's not contributing when he is paying child support.

You must not go here. OP states she lives in DC. There is no state school.

+1. As a PP mentioned, people are going to blame the mothers. Keep in mind that some have sgepkids that they don't feel responsible for.

No one is blaming mom for anything. Dad is paying child support. That is his share for the child's expenses. Mom should get child support and expenses. And, what does her divorce decree say? How much is she contributing outside of child support?

I agreed to pay more than 50%. Also, what he pays in child support is barely enough to feed my teenagers every month so I routinely pay the lion's share for their maintenance. I am long overdue to revisit the child support award because he now makes more money than he did several years ago when it was first determined. I have not done so because contrary to what you are implying, I am not an unreasonable money grubber. However, after thinking about this more it seems the answer is to go back to court and get a significant increase in child support. That way the government just takes it out of his check every month and I don't have to deal with his foolishness and chase after him.

[Anonymous]

Any chance he wants his kid to talk with him about it instead of you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any chance he wants his kid to talk with him about it instead of you?

Unfortunately, he doesn't answer his calls or texts either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUMs just like to blame women for their lot in life. If you are divorced, it's your fault. Just make decisions based on what you can afford. If he agrees and then doesn't come through with the money, you will be stuck.

No one is blaming anyone. Kid needs to go to their state school. Mom will get child support till 21 that can be used to cover Dad's share. Mom can also contribute and the rest can be financial aid or loans. No one is owed college. Don't pretend he's not contributing when he is paying child support.

You must not go here. OP states she lives in DC. There is no state school.

+1. As a PP mentioned, people are going to blame the mothers. Keep in mind that some have sgepkids that they don't feel responsible for.

No one is blaming mom for anything. Dad is paying child support. That is his share for the child's expenses. Mom should get child support and expenses. And, what does her divorce decree say? How much is she contributing outside of child support?

I agreed to pay more than 50%. Also, what he pays in child support is barely enough to feed my teenagers every month so I routinely pay the lion's share for their maintenance. I am long overdue to revisit the child support award because he now makes more money than he did several years ago when it was first determined. I have not done so because contrary to what you are implying, I am not an unreasonable money grubber. However, after thinking about this more it seems the answer is to go back to court and get a significant increase in child support. That way the government just takes it out of his check every month and I don't have to deal with his foolishness and chase after him.

Then do so. You haven’t yet said what the divorce decree says about his obligation to pay for college. The law in DC is clear - unless specified in the divorce degree he doesn’t have to pay. His conduct is telling you he won’t pay. So hire a lawyer and sue for changed circumstances but in this economic climate I doubt a family court judge is going to give you the satisfaction you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUMs just like to blame women for their lot in life. If you are divorced, it's your fault. Just make decisions based on what you can afford. If he agrees and then doesn't come through with the money, you will be stuck.

No one is blaming anyone. Kid needs to go to their state school. Mom will get child support till 21 that can be used to cover Dad's share. Mom can also contribute and the rest can be financial aid or loans. No one is owed college. Don't pretend he's not contributing when he is paying child support.

You must not go here. OP states she lives in DC. There is no state school.

You get the DC college grant to go to a state school and there is UDC.

Are you one of the many that mistakenly believes the grant gives DC residents in-state tuition? If so, you are wrong. It is a 10k grant and if you know anything about the difference between in and out of state tuition, it doesn't make it an even playing field. So your advice to go to the state school isn't helpful or insightful. Your additional mention of UDC is further evidence that you don't go here.

UDC is the DC school. If you don’t like that, move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUMs just like to blame women for their lot in life. If you are divorced, it's your fault. Just make decisions based on what you can afford. If he agrees and then doesn't come through with the money, you will be stuck.

No one is blaming anyone. Kid needs to go to their state school. Mom will get child support till 21 that can be used to cover Dad's share. Mom can also contribute and the rest can be financial aid or loans. No one is owed college. Don't pretend he's not contributing when he is paying child support.

You must not go here. OP states she lives in DC. There is no state school.

+1. As a PP mentioned, people are going to blame the mothers. Keep in mind that some have sgepkids that they don't feel responsible for.

No one is blaming mom for anything. Dad is paying child support. That is his share for the child's expenses. Mom should get child support and expenses. And, what does her divorce decree say? How much is she contributing outside of child support?

I agreed to pay more than 50%. Also, what he pays in child support is barely enough to feed my teenagers every month so I routinely pay the lion's share for their maintenance. I am long overdue to revisit the child support award because he now makes more money than he did several years ago when it was first determined. I have not done so because contrary to what you are implying, I am not an unreasonable money grubber. However, after thinking about this more it seems the answer is to go back to court and get a significant increase in child support. That way the government just takes it out of his check every month and I don't have to deal with his foolishness and chase after him.

Then do so. You haven’t yet said what the divorce decree says about his obligation to pay for college. The law in DC is clear - unless specified in the divorce degree he doesn’t have to pay. His conduct is telling you he won’t pay. So hire a lawyer and sue for changed circumstances but in this economic climate I doubt a family court judge is going to give you the satisfaction you want.

I actually did say way back on the first page that the divorce decree does say he is obligated to pay. So, based on your cracker jack legal research, under DC law he IS obligated to pay. Thanks. However, I believe I have been clear that I don't believe he intends to pay.

He has suffered no hardship due to COVID so why do you say I won't get a modified award? Do you have some insight into the DC Superior Court that you would like to share? Is a judge likely to not go along with the child support calculator and guidelines that make it clear what each party is obligated to pay based on income and expenses? I believe the court is most interested in the "best interests of the child" and if their father is financially able to provide more support, why wouldn't the court order it? Because you don't like it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUMs just like to blame women for their lot in life. If you are divorced, it's your fault. Just make decisions based on what you can afford. If he agrees and then doesn't come through with the money, you will be stuck.

No one is blaming anyone. Kid needs to go to their state school. Mom will get child support till 21 that can be used to cover Dad's share. Mom can also contribute and the rest can be financial aid or loans. No one is owed college. Don't pretend he's not contributing when he is paying child support.

You must not go here. OP states she lives in DC. There is no state school.

+1. As a PP mentioned, people are going to blame the mothers. Keep in mind that some have sgepkids that they don't feel responsible for.

No one is blaming mom for anything. Dad is paying child support. That is his share for the child's expenses. Mom should get child support and expenses. And, what does her divorce decree say? How much is she contributing outside of child support?

I agreed to pay more than 50%. Also, what he pays in child support is barely enough to feed my teenagers every month so I routinely pay the lion's share for their maintenance. I am long overdue to revisit the child support award because he now makes more money than he did several years ago when it was first determined. I have not done so because contrary to what you are implying, I am not an unreasonable money grubber. However, after thinking about this more it seems the answer is to go back to court and get a significant increase in child support. That way the government just takes it out of his check every month and I don't have to deal with his foolishness and chase after him.

Then do so. You haven’t yet said what the divorce decree says about his obligation to pay for college. The law in DC is clear - unless specified in the divorce degree he doesn’t have to pay. His conduct is telling you he won’t pay. So hire a lawyer and sue for changed circumstances but in this economic climate I doubt a family court judge is going to give you the satisfaction you want.

I actually did say way back on the first page that the divorce decree does say he is obligated to pay. So, based on your cracker jack legal research, under DC law he IS obligated to pay. Thanks. However, I believe I have been clear that I don't believe he intends to pay.

He has suffered no hardship due to COVID so why do you say I won't get a modified award? Do you have some insight into the DC Superior Court that you would like to share? Is a judge likely to not go along with the child support calculator and guidelines that make it clear what each party is obligated to pay based on income and expenses? I believe the court is most interested in the "best interests of the child" and if their father is financially able to provide more support, why wouldn't the court order it? Because you don't like it?

You have never said the amount so I find you not believable. yes I do have some insight. I have heard judges and mediators say that they can’t understand why a private school in DC costs $45K a year when they don’t take home that much - and then they deny. There is a reason why we have divorce agreements- to provide certainty in the future. You will have an uphill battle but go ahead and hire counsel at your own expense to pursue. But I think you’re going to have a hard time proving ex should contribute to a 70k a year education in times when many people don’t even have jobs. By the way only a very few elite schools require the FSA. You haven’t said yet but the burden is in the custodial parent - presumably you based upon your post - to file the FAFSA. There is a great deal on info in the FAFSA site regarding this, but by all means, continue to rail here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUMs just like to blame women for their lot in life. If you are divorced, it's your fault. Just make decisions based on what you can afford. If he agrees and then doesn't come through with the money, you will be stuck.

No one is blaming anyone. Kid needs to go to their state school. Mom will get child support till 21 that can be used to cover Dad's share. Mom can also contribute and the rest can be financial aid or loans. No one is owed college. Don't pretend he's not contributing when he is paying child support.

You must not go here. OP states she lives in DC. There is no state school.

+1. As a PP mentioned, people are going to blame the mothers. Keep in mind that some have sgepkids that they don't feel responsible for.

No one is blaming mom for anything. Dad is paying child support. That is his share for the child's expenses. Mom should get child support and expenses. And, what does her divorce decree say? How much is she contributing outside of child support?

I agreed to pay more than 50%. Also, what he pays in child support is barely enough to feed my teenagers every month so I routinely pay the lion's share for their maintenance. I am long overdue to revisit the child support award because he now makes more money than he did several years ago when it was first determined. I have not done so because contrary to what you are implying, I am not an unreasonable money grubber. However, after thinking about this more it seems the answer is to go back to court and get a significant increase in child support. That way the government just takes it out of his check every month and I don't have to deal with his foolishness and chase after him.

Then do so. You haven’t yet said what the divorce decree says about his obligation to pay for college. The law in DC is clear - unless specified in the divorce degree he doesn’t have to pay. His conduct is telling you he won’t pay. So hire a lawyer and sue for changed circumstances but in this economic climate I doubt a family court judge is going to give you the satisfaction you want.

I actually did say way back on the first page that the divorce decree does say he is obligated to pay. So, based on your cracker jack legal research, under DC law he IS obligated to pay. Thanks. However, I believe I have been clear that I don't believe he intends to pay.

He has suffered no hardship due to COVID so why do you say I won't get a modified award? Do you have some insight into the DC Superior Court that you would like to share? Is a judge likely to not go along with the child support calculator and guidelines that make it clear what each party is obligated to pay based on income and expenses? I believe the court is most interested in the "best interests of the child" and if their father is financially able to provide more support, why wouldn't the court order it? Because you don't like it?

What does obligated to pay? What does COVID have to do with it. Child support and expenses are two different things. After age 18, a "child" is an adult. So, either Dad voluntarily pays or his portion comes from the child support or you take him back to court per the court order (which you haven't said what it means when he is ordered to pay) and let a court decide. If your income has gone up and his has, you may not get as much as you think. If you have to pay attorney fees, you need to factor that in. If you have $4K in attorney fees, how much would you need of an increase to cover attorney fees and it be a benefit? Otherwise, his share of college is child support. Your child will be at college and not with you so those funds should go to college expenses.

If you feel you are right, simple solution is to take it to court vs. debate a bunch of strangers.

If he has no relationship with the kids and you only call to demand money, what is his motivation to pay? Would you want to answer a call where you'll get screamed at and demanded for money.

Be reasonable. Apply to a variety of colleges and see what they offer. Then say I can pay XXX, financial aid is XXX, child support covers XXX and the remaining portion is XXX. Child can cover some expenses as well.

[Anonymous]

No DC Family Court Judge is going to care what a college calculator has to say. All they care about is what the divorce decree says. Your child can always go to community college and that is what the judge is going to say. File with FAFSA and see what your EC is.

[Anonymous]

DC courts have not yet found a college education to be a “necessity” as a few other jurisdictions have done. What the divorce decree says will control.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Some of you are projecting your own experiences and clearly have reading comprehension issues. You should examine what is going on in your own life that you are so invested in twisting what a stranger has clearly typed and attributing behavior that is pure conjecture on your part (claiming I "call and scream" when I have clearly stated all communication has been by text and email). For those that have offered helpful responses, thank you. I think I will heed the following sage advice and sign off - "Don't argue with a fool for too long, because after a while, no-one can tell the difference between you."

[Anonymous]

Sorry you don’t like reality. We tried to tell you what your chances are of getting tuition but you choose to insult instead

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry you don’t like reality. We tried to tell you what your chances are of getting tuition but you choose to insult instead

She's best taking it to court for a child support increase and ask or college expense and see what the court will agree to. Either she gets lucky and a judge orders college expenses and child support or she doesn't. She also needs to factor in cost/benefit of hiring an attorney. I cannot see a judge ordering both child support and college expenses. It should be one or the other but maybe she'll get lucky and get both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Some of you are projecting your own experiences and clearly have reading comprehension issues. You should examine what is going on in your own life that you are so invested in twisting what a stranger has clearly typed and attributing behavior that is pure conjecture on your part (claiming I "call and scream" when I have clearly stated all communication has been by text and email). For those that have offered helpful responses, thank you. I think I will heed the following sage advice and sign off - "Don't argue with a fool for too long, because after a while, no-one can tell the difference between you."

I wish that someone had responded who has BTDT. My ex won't produce tax forms or a W2 and he's not even a high earner. I anticipate him being uncooperative too down the road and plan to submit only my info along with the child support agreement. DC's independent school requires both parent's information for FA but later agreed to take our custodial and child support agreement instead.

It's frustrating I know. Your kid is the one who is disadvantaged. I'm sure you would be more than happy to apply based on your income solely rather than play this game.