Uncooperative Ex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry you don’t like reality. We tried to tell you what your chances are of getting tuition but you choose to insult instead

She's best taking it to court for a child support increase and ask or college expense and see what the court will agree to. Either she gets lucky and a judge orders college expenses and child support or she doesn't. She also needs to factor in cost/benefit of hiring an attorney. I cannot see a judge ordering both child support and college expenses. It should be one or the other but maybe she'll get lucky and get both.

No, DC has not recognized college as a “necessity” so college is provided for only by private agreement, which is the divorce decree. This is why we have divorce agreements -so the parties know in advance what will be expected of them and can plan accordingly. If this were not true, every divorced parent would be taking their ex to court whenever they felt like it - which would be an unacceptable burden on the court system. Not everyone gets to go to college. Not everyone gets to go to Princeton (which does ask for the CSS). OP will have to hire a lawyer and hope for a settlement but the law does it favor her position.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry you don’t like reality. We tried to tell you what your chances are of getting tuition but you choose to insult instead

She's best taking it to court for a child support increase and ask or college expense and see what the court will agree to. Either she gets lucky and a judge orders college expenses and child support or she doesn't. She also needs to factor in cost/benefit of hiring an attorney. I cannot see a judge ordering both child support and college expenses. It should be one or the other but maybe she'll get lucky and get both.

No, DC has not recognized college as a “necessity” so college is provided for only by private agreement, which is the divorce decree. This is why we have divorce agreements -so the parties know in advance what will be expected of them and can plan accordingly. If this were not true, every divorced parent would be taking their ex to court whenever they felt like it - which would be an unacceptable burden on the court system. Not everyone gets to go to college. Not everyone gets to go to Princeton (which does ask for the CSS). OP will have to hire a lawyer and hope for a settlement but the law does it favor her position.

Op said it was in the decree but did not say what. People go to court all the time for this stuff. So can she.

[Anonymous]

Be thankful you get CS for an additional few years.

[Anonymous]

Lotta deadbeat dads in this thread.

F*ck y'all.

[Anonymous]

What about explaining to your child (with no editorializing about your ex!) what parents have to do to be considered for aid, THEN have the child bring it up.

Your ex may not like you, but the best chance of getting thru to him is via the child.

(Normally, I would not USE the child, to communicate, but the person whose future is at stake is the emerging adult. So I think having him ask the other parent, and see/hear his response is appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about explaining to your child (with no editorializing about your ex!) what parents have to do to be considered for aid, THEN have the child bring it up.

Your ex may not like you, but the best chance of getting thru to him is via the child.

(Normally, I would not USE the child, to communicate, but the person whose future is at stake is the emerging adult. So I think having him ask the other parent, and see/hear his response is appropriate.

My dad still said no. He says he didn’t go to college and had a good job so .......

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about explaining to your child (with no editorializing about your ex!) what parents have to do to be considered for aid, THEN have the child bring it up.

Your ex may not like you, but the best chance of getting thru to him is via the child.

(Normally, I would not USE the child, to communicate, but the person whose future is at stake is the emerging adult. So I think having him ask the other parent, and see/hear his response is appropriate.

My dad still said no. He says he didn’t go to college and had a good job so .......

Your dad refused to complete paperwork? What is wrong with these parents? Even if you won't or can't pay for college, why wouldn't a parent at least provide the necessary information for their child to be considered for financial assistance? That sucks.

[Anonymous]

Whoever is saying child support is college help you are incorrect. That is the calculated child support based on pre college expenses. If college is added to only the mothers expenses child support would modify to reflect that.

[Anonymous]

My daughter's roommate put herself through college without any help or support from her mother. (Her father is dead.) The mother refused to fill out the FASFA. There is a part of the form where you can click that you (the student) is filling out the form without parent input.

So even if the Dad is the custodial parent or just won't participate -- your child can still submit a fasfa. I don't know about the other form CSS -- but it seems to me there has to be a way for students to submit it without parent support. I mean wouldn't these students be the ones most in need of aid??

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter's roommate put herself through college without any help or support from her mother. (Her father is dead.) The mother refused to fill out the FASFA. There is a part of the form where you can click that you (the student) is filling out the form without parent input.

So even if the Dad is the custodial parent or just won't participate -- your child can still submit a fasfa. I don't know about the other form CSS -- but it seems to me there has to be a way for students to submit it without parent support. I mean wouldn't these students be the ones most in need of aid??

Good luck!

+1. This. Quest ridge students do it all the time for Princeton and the other elites schools that ask for the CSS.

[Anonymous]

Meant “Questbridge” above

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUMs just like to blame women for their lot in life. If you are divorced, it's your fault. Just make decisions based on what you can afford. If he agrees and then doesn't come through with the money, you will be stuck.

+1000.

+ a million

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUMs just like to blame women for their lot in life. If you are divorced, it's your fault. Just make decisions based on what you can afford. If he agrees and then doesn't come through with the money, you will be stuck.

No one is blaming anyone. Kid needs to go to their state school. Mom will get child support till 21 that can be used to cover Dad's share. Mom can also contribute and the rest can be financial aid or loans. No one is owed college. Don't pretend he's not contributing when he is paying child support.

You must not go here. OP states she lives in DC. There is no state school.

+1. As a PP mentioned, people are going to blame the mothers. Keep in mind that some have sgepkids that they don't feel responsible for.

No one is blaming mom for anything. Dad is paying child support. That is his share for the child's expenses. Mom should get child support and expenses. And, what does her divorce decree say? How much is she contributing outside of child support?

I agreed to pay more than 50%. Also, what he pays in child support is barely enough to feed my teenagers every month so I routinely pay the lion's share for their maintenance. I am long overdue to revisit the child support award because he now makes more money than he did several years ago when it was first determined. I have not done so because contrary to what you are implying, I am not an unreasonable money grubber. However, after thinking about this more it seems the answer is to go back to court and get a significant increase in child support. That way the government just takes it out of his check every month and I don't have to deal with his foolishness and chase after him.

Then do so. You haven’t yet said what the divorce decree says about his obligation to pay for college. The law in DC is clear - unless specified in the divorce degree he doesn’t have to pay. His conduct is telling you he won’t pay. So hire a lawyer and sue for changed circumstances but in this economic climate I doubt a family court judge is going to give you the satisfaction you want.

I actually did say way back on the first page that the divorce decree does say he is obligated to pay. So, based on your cracker jack legal research, under DC law he IS obligated to pay. Thanks. However, I believe I have been clear that I don't believe he intends to pay.

He has suffered no hardship due to COVID so why do you say I won't get a modified award? Do you have some insight into the DC Superior Court that you would like to share? Is a judge likely to not go along with the child support calculator and guidelines that make it clear what each party is obligated to pay based on income and expenses? I believe the court is most interested in the "best interests of the child" and if their father is financially able to provide more support, why wouldn't the court order it? Because you don't like it?

You have never said the amount so I find you not believable. yes I do have some insight. I have heard judges and mediators say that they can’t understand why a private school in DC costs $45K a year when they don’t take home that much - and then they deny. There is a reason why we have divorce agreements- to provide certainty in the future. You will have an uphill battle but go ahead and hire counsel at your own expense to pursue. But I think you’re going to have a hard time proving ex should contribute to a 70k a year education in times when many people don’t even have jobs. By the way only a very few elite schools require the FSA. You haven’t said yet but the burden is in the custodial parent - presumably you based upon your post - to file the FAFSA. There is a great deal on info in the FAFSA site regarding this, but by all means, continue to rail here.

Well, if YOU don't find OP believable . . . . I guess that's the end of it.
Jesus, how insufferable can you be, PP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, the schools he is most interested in require it. Sigh. I called one school to plead our case and waiting for a call back. So frustrating because its not like he is going to pay a dime so why is his information required under these circumstances. Just sucks that dc won't be considered for any financial assistance if his father refuses to complete the form.

I'm sympathetic to you on a personal level, but on a systemic level, I don't think it is fair to treat divorced parents differently from married parents. I mean, my husband would prefer to just say "I opt out of paying for college and don't hold it against my kid" too because he is the higher earner in our relationship and our EFC would look a lot lower without his income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC is going to college next year and although ex agreed to help pay expenses, it is becoming clear he will not. I reached out to him multiple times to discuss what he can afford to contribute but he has ignored my numerous emails and text messages asking to sit down and discuss. I am now worried he won't complete the FAFSA. If that is the case, how do schools handle these situations?

Ahhh, my life in the 90s. Father could have helped defray college but chose not to (after initially saying he would).

You'll have to call the school to find out what to do.

Sorry, OP.

Haha! My life in the 2000’s except both parents didn’t care. The end result is your kid gets F*cked. Sorry.