Uncooperative Ex

[Anonymous]

Out of all of the colleges and universities in the US, only a small percentage require the CSS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My x refused to have this item written into the divorce settlement. He is difficult, and after long negotiations I had to let go of a few things and this was one of them. He arrogantly said he would do the right thing. Well, he didn't. It caused my daughter to make an economical school decision and she's finishing her master's early.

Kids are adults at 18. It shouldn't be written in and voluntary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's not required to pay if its not in the divorce decree. Anything he does after 18 is between him and the child not you.

It is in the divorce decree but I know I am going to need to go back to court to get a judgment against him. Listen, even when you do everything right to look out for your dc's, if he doesn't want to pay he simply won't. I can get a judgment and slap a lien on something he owns but the likelihood of getting the money back is slim.

Also, if I go to court to try to get him to fill out the CSS, how long will that take to wind its way through the courts during COVID? Probably more time than we have right now.

Finally, we are in DC and the child support obligation ends at 21, NOT 18.

Then, go to court about it. If you are getting child support till 21, then that is his portion he is required to pay. He shouldn't have to pay child support and expenses on top of that. Child support and college expenses are separate issues but if you are getting child support, that is his portion of college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's not required to pay if its not in the divorce decree. Anything he does after 18 is between him and the child not you.

It is in the divorce decree but I know I am going to need to go back to court to get a judgment against him. Listen, even when you do everything right to look out for your dc's, if he doesn't want to pay he simply won't. I can get a judgment and slap a lien on something he owns but the likelihood of getting the money back is slim.

Also, if I go to court to try to get him to fill out the CSS, how long will that take to wind its way through the courts during COVID? Probably more time than we have right now.

Finally, we are in DC and the child support obligation ends at 21, NOT 18.

Then, go to court about it. If you are getting child support till 21, then that is his portion he is required to pay. He shouldn't have to pay child support and expenses on top of that. Child support and college expenses are separate issues but if you are getting child support, that is his portion of college.

No, it's not. Child support is separate from agreeing to pay tuition in a divorce settlement. Why are you speaking out of your ass?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's not required to pay if its not in the divorce decree. Anything he does after 18 is between him and the child not you.

It is in the divorce decree but I know I am going to need to go back to court to get a judgment against him. Listen, even when you do everything right to look out for your dc's, if he doesn't want to pay he simply won't. I can get a judgment and slap a lien on something he owns but the likelihood of getting the money back is slim.

Also, if I go to court to try to get him to fill out the CSS, how long will that take to wind its way through the courts during COVID? Probably more time than we have right now.

Finally, we are in DC and the child support obligation ends at 21, NOT 18.

Then, go to court about it. If you are getting child support till 21, then that is his portion he is required to pay. He shouldn't have to pay child support and expenses on top of that. Child support and college expenses are separate issues but if you are getting child support, that is his portion of college.

No, it's not. Child support is separate from agreeing to pay tuition in a divorce settlement. Why are you speaking out of your ass?

It depends on the divorce decree. Most states it goes to 18 so then the divorce decree would spell out college.

If OP is getting child support, it shouldn't be both but it depends on her divorce decree. She can take it to court and let the court resolve it. Its really gross to demand child support for an adult and college expenses on top of that. And, if its spelled out on how much he'll pay, this is a non-issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC is going to college next year and although ex agreed to help pay expenses, it is becoming clear he will not. I reached out to him multiple times to discuss what he can afford to contribute but he has ignored my numerous emails and text messages asking to sit down and discuss. I am now worried he won't complete the FAFSA. If that is the case, how do schools handle these situations?

Instead of asking what he can afford, send him an email saying these are the options/acceptances, what the total cost per year, any school financial help, how much you are contributing and how much child support will pay for and ask him if he can help with some of the remaining balance. Sending him a blank email demanding money but not saying what is needed is not helpful. Ask him to be involved with the process and discuss with your child going to a more affordable school. If she wants a $70K college and between everything only $30K is affordable, she has to be realistic or take out loans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC is going to college next year and although ex agreed to help pay expenses, it is becoming clear he will not. I reached out to him multiple times to discuss what he can afford to contribute but he has ignored my numerous emails and text messages asking to sit down and discuss. I am now worried he won't complete the FAFSA. If that is the case, how do schools handle these situations?

Instead of asking what he can afford, send him an email saying these are the options/acceptances, what the total cost per year, any school financial help, how much you are contributing and how much child support will pay for and ask him if he can help with some of the remaining balance. Sending him a blank email demanding money but not saying what is needed is not helpful. Ask him to be involved with the process and discuss with your child going to a more affordable school. If she wants a $70K college and between everything only $30K is affordable, she has to be realistic or take out loans.

Of course. I have tried to get him to discuss what he thinks he can afford but he simply won't respond. I sent him a link to the calculators I have done for various schools (only has my financial information) and asked him to input his own information so we can see what we will be expected to pay. Nothing.

The only thing I have asked from him thus far is to have a conversation about what is realistic. I think its understandable that I would be frustrated with him at this point. I'm not sure why I even bothered posting on DCUM. Never fails to disappoint.

[Anonymous]

DCUMs just like to blame women for their lot in life. If you are divorced, it's your fault. Just make decisions based on what you can afford. If he agrees and then doesn't come through with the money, you will be stuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC is going to college next year and although ex agreed to help pay expenses, it is becoming clear he will not. I reached out to him multiple times to discuss what he can afford to contribute but he has ignored my numerous emails and text messages asking to sit down and discuss. I am now worried he won't complete the FAFSA. If that is the case, how do schools handle these situations?

Instead of asking what he can afford, send him an email saying these are the options/acceptances, what the total cost per year, any school financial help, how much you are contributing and how much child support will pay for and ask him if he can help with some of the remaining balance. Sending him a blank email demanding money but not saying what is needed is not helpful. Ask him to be involved with the process and discuss with your child going to a more affordable school. If she wants a $70K college and between everything only $30K is affordable, she has to be realistic or take out loans.

Of course. I have tried to get him to discuss what he thinks he can afford but he simply won't respond. I sent him a link to the calculators I have done for various schools (only has my financial information) and asked him to input his own information so we can see what we will be expected to pay. Nothing.

The only thing I have asked from him thus far is to have a conversation about what is realistic. I think its understandable that I would be frustrated with him at this point. I'm not sure why I even bothered posting on DCUM. Never fails to disappoint.

You are basically asking for him to say XXX amount. Give him the numbers. School costs $50K. I can pay $15K, your child support covers $20, financial aid is $5K (loan) which leaves the balance of $10K. Can you split the difference with me.

He is paying child support. How much is that a month? He may not be able to pay over that. So, if that continues to 21, that can be considered his share. How much are you able to contribute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUMs just like to blame women for their lot in life. If you are divorced, it's your fault. Just make decisions based on what you can afford. If he agrees and then doesn't come through with the money, you will be stuck.

No one is blaming anyone. Kid needs to go to their state school. Mom will get child support till 21 that can be used to cover Dad's share. Mom can also contribute and the rest can be financial aid or loans. No one is owed college. Don't pretend he's not contributing when he is paying child support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUMs just like to blame women for their lot in life. If you are divorced, it's your fault. Just make decisions based on what you can afford. If he agrees and then doesn't come through with the money, you will be stuck.

+1000.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUMs just like to blame women for their lot in life. If you are divorced, it's your fault. Just make decisions based on what you can afford. If he agrees and then doesn't come through with the money, you will be stuck.

No one is blaming anyone. Kid needs to go to their state school. Mom will get child support till 21 that can be used to cover Dad's share. Mom can also contribute and the rest can be financial aid or loans. No one is owed college. Don't pretend he's not contributing when he is paying child support.

You must not go here. OP states she lives in DC. There is no state school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUMs just like to blame women for their lot in life. If you are divorced, it's your fault. Just make decisions based on what you can afford. If he agrees and then doesn't come through with the money, you will be stuck.

No one is blaming anyone. Kid needs to go to their state school. Mom will get child support till 21 that can be used to cover Dad's share. Mom can also contribute and the rest can be financial aid or loans. No one is owed college. Don't pretend he's not contributing when he is paying child support.

You must not go here. OP states she lives in DC. There is no state school.

+1. As a PP mentioned, people are going to blame the mothers. Keep in mind that some have sgepkids that they don't feel responsible for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUMs just like to blame women for their lot in life. If you are divorced, it's your fault. Just make decisions based on what you can afford. If he agrees and then doesn't come through with the money, you will be stuck.

No one is blaming anyone. Kid needs to go to their state school. Mom will get child support till 21 that can be used to cover Dad's share. Mom can also contribute and the rest can be financial aid or loans. No one is owed college. Don't pretend he's not contributing when he is paying child support.

You must not go here. OP states she lives in DC. There is no state school.

You get the DC college grant to go to a state school and there is UDC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUMs just like to blame women for their lot in life. If you are divorced, it's your fault. Just make decisions based on what you can afford. If he agrees and then doesn't come through with the money, you will be stuck.

No one is blaming anyone. Kid needs to go to their state school. Mom will get child support till 21 that can be used to cover Dad's share. Mom can also contribute and the rest can be financial aid or loans. No one is owed college. Don't pretend he's not contributing when he is paying child support.

You must not go here. OP states she lives in DC. There is no state school.

+1. As a PP mentioned, people are going to blame the mothers. Keep in mind that some have sgepkids that they don't feel responsible for.

No one is blaming mom for anything. Dad is paying child support. That is his share for the child's expenses. Mom should get child support and expenses. And, what does her divorce decree say? How much is she contributing outside of child support?