Husband insisted on having dinner at in-laws even though I was unwell

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you going to a winery and then eating inside with old people during a pandemic? What the hell. Where do you live that this is considered OK behavior? Some Trump state?

This is ok everywhere, pp. Get a grip. We have been in phase 3 for a while.

It is not ok to expose elderly people to a higher covid risk. If you are out and about doing things you shouldn’t be going into an old persons house and eating.

[Anonymous]

OP, you wanted to go home. You miscalculated badly by claiming an aching wrist as your ailment. You should have gone for a splitting headache, or maybe some kind of abdominal upset that would make others a little anxious for themselves.

You really need to up your game.

[Anonymous]

If MIL went straight to “Shall I pack up the stew for you too?” rather than, “Will the two of you stay for dinner? If not, I can pack up the stew for you too,” then she was not bothered by OP and dh leaving right then. There’s a difference between inviting people to stay versus suggesting that you can pack their dinner for them to take home.

I have no idea what’s wrong with OP’s arm, but it doesn’t sound outlandish to me that she’d already “sucked it up” for hours and hours and just needed to end the day. I once went to BIL’s for a Super Bowl party and started getting a headache. I was fine for 5-6 hours, but we had a long Metro ride home and in the middle of it, my headache developed into a full blown migraine, which was unusual for me. I knew I was going to vomit if I didn’t get off the Metro immediately. I was really miserable. We took a cab the rest of the way home, and as miserable as I still felt, it was 100x better than being on the Metro. If OP was similarly at her breaking point, then she needed to communicate that to her dh. If she did communicate that and he didn’t care, that’s a problem.

OP, is there any history of you and MIL not getting along? Maybe that’s what your dh thought was the issue. You and he need to have an honest and open conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you wanted to go home. You miscalculated badly by claiming an aching wrist as your ailment. You should have gone for a splitting headache, or maybe some kind of abdominal upset that would make others a little anxious for themselves.

You really need to up your game.

OP's arm:

[Anonymous]

If your arm hurt, why did you go to the winery?

[Anonymous]

Come ooooon. This is a non issue and it sounded very self-centered when I read it. You H wanted to stay for dinner, not help paint their house. You stayed and extra 2 hours? Oh wait. You must be newly weds since you think *this* is a problem.

[Anonymous]

Injured people don't go to wineries.

[Anonymous]

Sorry but I'm on team DH with this one.

[Anonymous]

I get peopled out, especially with my in-laws. Even without an injury or illness I would only be able to handle a winery or dinner.

That said, if this was part of the original plan... hit the winery and then dinner, I’d probably suck it up and stay. Take an Advil and ice it. Live and learn for the next time.

[Anonymous]

When does "unwell" mean your arm is hurting? I thought you were actually sick. Please try to be less dramatic next time.

[Anonymous]

Did your arm just start hurting as you lifted your last glass of wine?

[Anonymous]

I may be in the minority here OP, but I say if you specifically told your husband that you were not feeling well then he should have had the common courtesy to take you home and you guys could have had dinner there.

It doesn’t sound like your Mother-in-Law would have been put out.

Your husband owes you a full apology for his behavior.

[Anonymous]

Yeah imagine your husband said he was unwell would you have forced him into staying for dinner, no, you would respect his need for downtime.

Op already spent the day with MIL your DH shouldn't be putting his mother's feelings above his wife's unless he wants an awful marriage.

Honestly if her own daughter can run then it should have been fine to go. I would also be upset he did that in front of his parents, going against what you said, it says alot about the marriage.

I would have a talk before it becomes a big issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I may be in the minority here OP, but I say if you specifically told your husband that you were not feeling well then he should have had the common courtesy to take you home and you guys could have had dinner there.

It doesn’t sound like your Mother-in-Law would have been put out.

Your husband owes you a full apology for his behavior.

Switch it around...if your husband wanted to leave at your parents would you pick up the cue and go, no matter what the reason? I would, I hope, back up my husband. I think he should have backed you up.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I was diagnosed with Carpel Tunnel on Friday evening. MIL and SIL planned winery trip with DH and I was not included in the planning texts. DH tells me Friday night, hey lets go to the winery with my family in the morning. Thinking it would be a 3-4 hour morning ordeal, I said ok, sure.

I took my advil and went to bed.

In the morning I am informed DH volunteered to be the DD and we will be stopping at In law's house to pick them up. I was annoyed because I specifically told him I wanted us to have SEPARATE driving arrangements as I do not want to spend more time with them than necessary. MIL also gets drunk and annoying so I do not like to be around her so a car ride back with a drunk MIL is a terrible idea to me. He clearly ignored my request, went behind my back and volunteered to be the DD.

So we get there, park and apparently it is decided we are taking in laws' car even though we had the larger SUV.

I sit in the backseat with MIL and her dog and endure an additional hour of socializing with his not very nice parents. (MIL surprisingly was in a good mood and was being nice so it wasn't a big deal)

We get to the winery and a good time is had by all. I do not drink very much as I do not like wine and wasn't feeling that good. I was also taking care of MIL's dog and she kept pulling on the leash which irritated my already hurting arm.

It is there that I learn that MIL has made stew for dinner. SIL says yes lets all stay for dinner! I am confused as I thought this was just a morning-early afternoon engagement. I turn to DH and whisper I didnt realize this was a whole day affair. He shrugs and says yes his mother has been working hard on the stew and he is excited to try it. I am annoyed but I am hoping MIL and SIL will be too drunk to follow through.

Around 4 pm we ride back to MIL's house. SIL and her fiance say its late and theyd rather get home and want the stew to go. MIL says ok and asks me, "I'll pack it to go for yo as well." I say, "Yes, please thank you"

DH walks in and when he hears everyone is leaving he looks at me, "what? No we're staying! Mom worked so hard!" MIL insists its not a big deal, "Your wife doesn't want to stay and Im packing it up for your sister as well."

DH insists that no, we are staying. I say, "Actually I want to go home as my arm is acting up and I don't feel well."

DH says its not a big deal. He will get me an advil and get me a blanket and I can play with the dog while food is being heated up.

At this point I reluctantly give in and say ok as I don't want to create drama.

We stay for 3-4 hours. On the way home I say, "BTW I really didn't like that you overruled me and decided to stay when I kept telling you I wanted to go home"

DH blows up. "No. Don't you ruin my day again! I can't do anything without you ruining my day!"

I say very calmly, "This is not a fight. I am just requesting that when I say I am not feeling well, please don't make me. If you wanted to spend more time with your parents you were free to go over tomorrow morning and spend all day there."

My husband says angrily, "you have no manners!"

I laugh, " That is rich for you to say-"

"I am NOT having this conversation with you." And he plugged his finger in his ears as a way to stop hearing me.

I stopped talking.

I still feel pretty sick about his behavior. Just another one of his instances of abusing me. I don't know why I expect him to act like a normal husband.