Debating 3rd kid

[Anonymous]

I have a 20 and 5 month old and am on the fence about a third, but leaning to no. We can afford it, I love being pregnant and having a newborn, we love being parents etc. But what it comes down to for me is...do I want to divide my 100% into halves or thirds? I'm worried I won't be able to have as much of a personal relationship with three as with two.

Those of you with three, do you feel like you spend enough one on one time with them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:if you like order and peace and control- no
if you like chaos and noise and disorder and expense- yes

I had 4 kids (youngest are twins) and my personality was not suited for it.
I'm kinda impatient, like order and some semblance of control, and having 4 kids is kinda driving me into a slight mental breakdown. There is so much noise and chaos in our house that I can't think clearly, except for when I go to work.
Plus, the older they get, the huge responsibilities of school and saving for college really start to weigh on you.
It also puts a lot of stress on a marriage.

So, if you are super laid back and wealthy- go for it.

Omg. You are me!! Except I only have 2 and I feel this way.....I look forward to work and dread my time off.

[Anonymous]

Then have a third! The only reason you feel weird about it is because 2 is the new norm. One generation ago, you wouldn't have even questioned this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Then have a third! The only reason you feel weird about it is because 2 is the new norm. One generation ago, you wouldn't have even questioned this.

Op is a millenial so a genration ago would be GenXers and they did question having more than 2 kids, same is true if we stretch it to include Boomers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:do it! you will never regret having another kid when you are older. and your kids will always be thankful for another sibling.

Oh I assure you, some of us are not thankful for our additional sibling. My younger sibling would shove me in front of a bus for $5.

+1 People need to stop this have more kids for your kids crap. Siblings aren't always grateful for each other, nor do they always end up as best friends.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a partner/spouse?

If you do it concerns me that you have not mentioned his/her opinion on the subject.

While it's cute a 6 year old wants another sibling they don't get a vote. Your spouse or partner does, and your spiuse or partner if you have one needs to be 100% on board with kid 3.

[Anonymous]

I just had my third. Mine are 7 (B), 5 (G), and newborn (G). On the one hand, the age gap is stark and I worry about it. On the other hand having them closer together would have driven me bonkers. The older two can play independently and even do most of their own bath etc which is helpful. I feel myself stretched between them time wise more than I would like but am trying to give myself grace as it’s new.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:if you like order and peace and control- no
if you like chaos and noise and disorder and expense- yes

I had 4 kids (youngest are twins) and my personality was not suited for it.
I'm kinda impatient, like order and some semblance of control, and having 4 kids is kinda driving me into a slight mental breakdown. There is so much noise and chaos in our house that I can't think clearly, except for when I go to work.
Plus, the older they get, the huge responsibilities of school and saving for college really start to weigh on you.
It also puts a lot of stress on a marriage.

So, if you are super laid back and wealthy- go for it.

This is, hands-down, the most helpful thing I have read on DCUM. I used to teach, and always thought I wanted four kids, but I hate the mess. Good to hear confirmation from someone who has BTDT that I will be happiest with two. I am neither super laid-back, nor wealthy.

[Anonymous]

We just had our fourth and I’m done! I wanted 4 so it’s all on me and thankfully he is the easiest baby I’ve ever had. My two oldest help feed to baby which is a big benefit - now if I can teach them to change a diaper I’m home free!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just had our fourth and I’m done! I wanted 4 so it’s all on me and thankfully he is the easiest baby I’ve ever had. My two oldest help feed to baby which is a big benefit - now if I can teach them to change a diaper I’m home free!

Congrats on your fourth but I find perspectives like this a little odd. I mean, you are literally JUST getting started with your family of four kids. You are nowhere near done! Having four will brings it joys, stresses, rewards and its chaos all the way up through the teen years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just had our fourth and I’m done! I wanted 4 so it’s all on me and thankfully he is the easiest baby I’ve ever had. My two oldest help feed to baby which is a big benefit - now if I can teach them to change a diaper I’m home free!

I'm all for people having as many kids as they want but...don't make your older kids feed and change the baby. YOU decided to have more kids, you need to take care of them. Let you kids be kids. It's not their job to care for their siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:if you like order and peace and control- no
if you like chaos and noise and disorder and expense- yes

I had 4 kids (youngest are twins) and my personality was not suited for it.
I'm kinda impatient, like order and some semblance of control, and having 4 kids is kinda driving me into a slight mental breakdown. There is so much noise and chaos in our house that I can't think clearly, except for when I go to work.
Plus, the older they get, the huge responsibilities of school and saving for college really start to weigh on you.
It also puts a lot of stress on a marriage.

So, if you are super laid back and wealthy- go for it.

This is, hands-down, the most helpful thing I have read on DCUM. I used to teach, and always thought I wanted four kids, but I hate the mess. Good to hear confirmation from someone who has BTDT that I will be happiest with two. I am neither super laid-back, nor wealthy.

A mom of 3 here and I agree she nailed it above. I wouldn't say I liked noise and chaos before kids...but I've definitely learned to let go and give into it, and I enjoy the ride now. I guess to be more clear: have the flexibility and openness to noise and chaos and disorder!

[Anonymous]

I really wanted a third op but my husband did not. If my first had been a better sleeper I would have lobbied a lot harder but the truth is my job, my health, my marriage really suffered from the lack of sleep and starting fresh with a newborn would have been really rough. All that to say, now that my two are 9 and 6, I’m loving the big kid stage. We get to do so much fun stuff. I don’t really regret not having the third like I thought I would.

[Anonymous]

Your oldest will have no tolerance for the three year old when she is 10. Three kids only works as a cohesive bunch when you have them close together. I’d quit while you’re ahead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:if you like order and peace and control- no
if you like chaos and noise and disorder and expense- yes

I had 4 kids (youngest are twins) and my personality was not suited for it.
I'm kinda impatient, like order and some semblance of control, and having 4 kids is kinda driving me into a slight mental breakdown. There is so much noise and chaos in our house that I can't think clearly, except for when I go to work.
Plus, the older they get, the huge responsibilities of school and saving for college really start to weigh on you.
It also puts a lot of stress on a marriage.

So, if you are super laid back and wealthy- go for it.

This is, hands-down, the most helpful thing I have read on DCUM. I used to teach, and always thought I wanted four kids, but I hate the mess. Good to hear confirmation from someone who has BTDT that I will be happiest with two. I am neither super laid-back, nor wealthy.

I never wanted four. I wanted two, we got twins, they're both girls, and we are so happy. I know everyone has different opinions (our friends are currently in the process of adopting what will be their fourth child and they want to adopt another after that), and there is no universal right answer, of course. But you definitely need to know yourself and your spouse. We like quiet, we like a neat house, we love having money to do the things we value with our kids. One of us would have to work a lot more to live the lifestyle we want if we added two more kids to the mix. Even one would require another good chunk of change so we are great with what we have.