Debating 3rd kid

[Anonymous]

I have one kid so can't speak to it.

But I am one of 3 and my mom always said 3 kids is the same as 2. She said "one is fun; more than 1 is work."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 20 and 5 month old and am on the fence about a third, but leaning to no. We can afford it, I love being pregnant and having a newborn, we love being parents etc. But what it comes down to for me is...do I want to divide my 100% into halves or thirds? I'm worried I won't be able to have as much of a personal relationship with three as with two.

Those of you with three, do you feel like you spend enough one on one time with them?

I’m curious about this too. My DH is one of 6 and definitely didn’t get a lot of time with his parents. What happens with 3? I have always wanted 3 but I think some of that was wishing my own family was more lively and closer growing up. Now I have 2 and am in that year of “do we have another?” internal debate. This thread is more useful than most 3 kid ones on DCUM, but I’m still torn.

[Anonymous]

Ive never felt that I didn't have enough time with my three children, that I've felt too stretched to give them the emotional and one-on-one support a child needs. To be honest, I think I could provide that even if I had had a fourth if the spacing of the children were right. I think spacing is a huge thing - mine are 2-3 years apart. I'm sure if they were closer, I would feel more frazzled. But then again, a friend of mine has triplets and she feels like she has a great relationship with all three of her boys.

What helps - they play more with and entertain each other. So I can bond with one when the other two are playing ball outside together, for example. With two siblings, there is usually at least one willing to play with a child at a time.

You might need to get more creative about finding that time with each child. My oldest is now a teen. I can connect with her on a drive to her dance studio, for example. We catch up about her friend dramas or test anxiety in about a half hour of a solid chat. It doesn't take a lot of one-on-one time to feel connected, but those drives, just the two of us, are really helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ive never felt that I didn't have enough time with my three children, that I've felt too stretched to give them the emotional and one-on-one support a child needs. To be honest, I think I could provide that even if I had had a fourth if the spacing of the children were right. I think spacing is a huge thing - mine are 2-3 years apart. I'm sure if they were closer, I would feel more frazzled. But then again, a friend of mine has triplets and she feels like she has a great relationship with all three of her boys.

What helps - they play more with and entertain each other. So I can bond with one when the other two are playing ball outside together, for example. With two siblings, there is usually at least one willing to play with a child at a time.

You might need to get more creative about finding that time with each child. My oldest is now a teen. I can connect with her on a drive to her dance studio, for example. We catch up about her friend dramas or test anxiety in about a half hour of a solid chat. It doesn't take a lot of one-on-one time to feel connected, but those drives, just the two of us, are really helpful.

That’s wonderful. What about your ability to emotionally support them? My DD is “spirited” with massive feelings. Sometimes I’m spent after helping her all day, but she won’t be this age forever.

[Anonymous]

I can only hold two little hands at one time. Strangely this was the deciding factor for me. Plus I think I just thought about a third because it seems to be the fashion.

No one with a third child is going to tell you not to have one! But divided resources (time and money) are real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ive never felt that I didn't have enough time with my three children, that I've felt too stretched to give them the emotional and one-on-one support a child needs. To be honest, I think I could provide that even if I had had a fourth if the spacing of the children were right. I think spacing is a huge thing - mine are 2-3 years apart. I'm sure if they were closer, I would feel more frazzled. But then again, a friend of mine has triplets and she feels like she has a great relationship with all three of her boys.

What helps - they play more with and entertain each other. So I can bond with one when the other two are playing ball outside together, for example. With two siblings, there is usually at least one willing to play with a child at a time.

You might need to get more creative about finding that time with each child. My oldest is now a teen. I can connect with her on a drive to her dance studio, for example. We catch up about her friend dramas or test anxiety in about a half hour of a solid chat. It doesn't take a lot of one-on-one time to feel connected, but those drives, just the two of us, are really helpful.

That’s wonderful. What about your ability to emotionally support them? My DD is “spirited” with massive feelings. Sometimes I’m spent after helping her all day, but she won’t be this age forever.

Not an issue.

I honestly don't feel strained in this way with 3 kids. Maybe with 4-5 I would be, but not with just 3. FYI my oldest is spirited like yours. It absolutely gets easier with age when they can learn to express themselves in a more healthy way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can only hold two little hands at one time. Strangely this was the deciding factor for me. Plus I think I just thought about a third because it seems to be the fashion.

No one with a third child is going to tell you not to have one! But divided resources (time and money) are real.

I would, and for all kinds of reasons. Three kids is expensive, draining on your body physically, and creates a lot of noise and chaos in your household. Go in eyes wide open.

[Anonymous]

I read in here once that you don’t know how many kids is too many until it’s too late.

A different poster said something like, most people have 1 kid too many.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:do it! you will never regret having another kid when you are older. and your kids will always be thankful for another sibling.

Oh I assure you, some of us are not thankful for our additional sibling. My younger sibling would shove me in front of a bus for $5.

+1 People need to stop this have more kids for your kids crap. Siblings aren't always grateful for each other, nor do they always end up as best friends.

Mine wouldn't shove me in front of a bus and we generally get along fine, but if I knew my childhood would be 80-90% focused on him with the 'squeaky wheel gets the grease!' theory I would have been justified in smothering him in his sleep. Temperment/special needs matters a lot as well in addition to sheer number.