Am I Being Unrealistic?

[Anonymous]

Not at all! Lots of high earning men of all ages in the DC area!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I want a guy with a good career, makes at least $150k/year, lives alone, never been married, and no kids. I prefer white men, in shape but not too muscular, no tattoos, no facial hair ( a little stubble is okay), and short hair. My lifestyle is having 2-3 kids and being able to live a comfortable life. We would have money to pay for childcare, family vacations, college, etc.

I married one of those at almost 32. But he expected me to make at least 100k (which I did) and never stop working ever...no break for kids...none except maternity leave (which I took only 6 weeks because my job is demanding). We are divorced. Terrible marriage. You need to think differently. Respect and kindness are not on you list. They should be. If they guy is not respectful or kind, his 150k+ salary is not going to give you the "lifestyle" you want. A guy who makes less who cares about what you want as a family might be a better fit. I was 40% of the household income. The man you think you are looking for often also expect women to do two jobs--raising a family and be a working mom with a stressful job--they will not necessarily want to provide it for you.

Isn't that normal? My DH is a biglaw partner and also would be very opposed to me taking a "break for kids."

Serious question, but what’s the point of a having a partner working all those hours in big law and making all that money if you can’t get off the treadmill ever to take care of your kids when they’re babies? I don’t get it.

Dual income in the low six figures like OP is seeking is certainly doable without killing yourself for your career.

Not if you have a long commute. It sucks. Working while kids are little especially is extremely stressful. There is no time for anything. It is a constant slog of work.

[Anonymous]

I do not think you are being completely unrealistic but it is also not easy to find. Only 5% of men make 150k or more per year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I want a guy with a good career, makes at least $150k/year, lives alone, never been married, and no kids. I prefer white men, in shape but not too muscular, no tattoos, no facial hair ( a little stubble is okay), and short hair. My lifestyle is having 2-3 kids and being able to live a comfortable life. We would have money to pay for childcare, family vacations, college, etc.

I married one of those at almost 32. But he expected me to make at least 100k (which I did) and never stop working ever...no break for kids...none except maternity leave (which I took only 6 weeks because my job is demanding). We are divorced. Terrible marriage. You need to think differently. Respect and kindness are not on you list. They should be. If they guy is not respectful or kind, his 150k+ salary is not going to give you the "lifestyle" you want. A guy who makes less who cares about what you want as a family might be a better fit. I was 40% of the household income. The man you think you are looking for often also expect women to do two jobs--raising a family and be a working mom with a stressful job--they will not necessarily want to provide it for you.

Isn't that normal? My DH is a biglaw partner and also would be very opposed to me taking a "break for kids."

Serious question, but what’s the point of a having a partner working all those hours in big law and making all that money if you can’t get off the treadmill ever to take care of your kids when they’re babies? I don’t get it.

Because I’m my own person? And we both take care of our babies? I guess we are both confused...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I want a guy with a good career, makes at least $150k/year, lives alone, never been married, and no kids. I prefer white men, in shape but not too muscular, no tattoos, no facial hair ( a little stubble is okay), and short hair. My lifestyle is having 2-3 kids and being able to live a comfortable life. We would have money to pay for childcare, family vacations, college, etc.

I married one of those at almost 32. But he expected me to make at least 100k (which I did) and never stop working ever...no break for kids...none except maternity leave (which I took only 6 weeks because my job is demanding). We are divorced. Terrible marriage. You need to think differently. Respect and kindness are not on you list. They should be. If they guy is not respectful or kind, his 150k+ salary is not going to give you the "lifestyle" you want. A guy who makes less who cares about what you want as a family might be a better fit. I was 40% of the household income. The man you think you are looking for often also expect women to do two jobs--raising a family and be a working mom with a stressful job--they will not necessarily want to provide it for you.

Isn't that normal? My DH is a biglaw partner and also would be very opposed to me taking a "break for kids."

Serious question, but what’s the point of a having a partner working all those hours in big law and making all that money if you can’t get off the treadmill ever to take care of your kids when they’re babies? I don’t get it.

Because I’m my own person? And we both take care of our babies? I guess we are both confused...

I am the original PP but not the last one...you are obviously in a different kind of marriage. A lot of men do not take care of their babies. My ex did not lift a finger until the youngest was 6. And I was working full time with a demanding job and a terrible commute. Consider yourself lucky...not typical. That is why a lot of women want a break with babies...a lot of men do not share the load. It is widely published that the labor around childrearing and maintaining a household STILL disproportionately falls to women. It is hard to be two people at once yet that is what many men expect...not like your husband, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I want a guy with a good career, makes at least $150k/year, lives alone, never been married, and no kids. I prefer white men, in shape but not too muscular, no tattoos, no facial hair ( a little stubble is okay), and short hair. My lifestyle is having 2-3 kids and being able to live a comfortable life. We would have money to pay for childcare, family vacations, college, etc.

I married one of those at almost 32. But he expected me to make at least 100k (which I did) and never stop working ever...no break for kids...none except maternity leave (which I took only 6 weeks because my job is demanding). We are divorced. Terrible marriage. You need to think differently. Respect and kindness are not on you list. They should be. If they guy is not respectful or kind, his 150k+ salary is not going to give you the "lifestyle" you want. A guy who makes less who cares about what you want as a family might be a better fit. I was 40% of the household income. The man you think you are looking for often also expect women to do two jobs--raising a family and be a working mom with a stressful job--they will not necessarily want to provide it for you.

Isn't that normal? My DH is a biglaw partner and also would be very opposed to me taking a "break for kids."

Serious question, but what’s the point of a having a partner working all those hours in big law and making all that money if you can’t get off the treadmill ever to take care of your kids when they’re babies? I don’t get it.

Because I’m my own person? And we both take care of our babies? I guess we are both confused...

I am the original PP but not the last one...you are obviously in a different kind of marriage. A lot of men do not take care of their babies. My ex did not lift a finger until the youngest was 6. And I was working full time with a demanding job and a terrible commute. Consider yourself lucky...not typical. That is why a lot of women want a break with babies...a lot of men do not share the load. It is widely published that the labor around childrearing and maintaining a household STILL disproportionately falls to women. It is hard to be two people at once yet that is what many men expect...not like your husband, I guess.

We also hire a lot out. Laundry service, twice a week housekeeper, au pair. Any time we spend not on our kids or our careers is a failure to manage our affairs IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I want a guy with a good career, makes at least $150k/year, lives alone, never been married, and no kids. I prefer white men, in shape but not too muscular, no tattoos, no facial hair ( a little stubble is okay), and short hair. My lifestyle is having 2-3 kids and being able to live a comfortable life. We would have money to pay for childcare, family vacations, college, etc.

Are you pretty and in good shape, nice personality ? What are you bringing to the table?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I want a guy with a good career, makes at least $150k/year, lives alone, never been married, and no kids. I prefer white men, in shape but not too muscular, no tattoos, no facial hair ( a little stubble is okay), and short hair. My lifestyle is having 2-3 kids and being able to live a comfortable life. We would have money to pay for childcare, family vacations, college, etc.

I married one of those at almost 32. But he expected me to make at least 100k (which I did) and never stop working ever...no break for kids...none except maternity leave (which I took only 6 weeks because my job is demanding). We are divorced. Terrible marriage. You need to think differently. Respect and kindness are not on you list. They should be. If they guy is not respectful or kind, his 150k+ salary is not going to give you the "lifestyle" you want. A guy who makes less who cares about what you want as a family might be a better fit. I was 40% of the household income. The man you think you are looking for often also expect women to do two jobs--raising a family and be a working mom with a stressful job--they will not necessarily want to provide it for you.

Isn't that normal? My DH is a biglaw partner and also would be very opposed to me taking a "break for kids."

Serious question, but what’s the point of a having a partner working all those hours in big law and making all that money if you can’t get off the treadmill ever to take care of your kids when they’re babies? I don’t get it.

Because I’m my own person? And we both take care of our babies? I guess we are both confused...

My DH is a big law partner. Thinking through the younger partners at his firm, most either have a SAH spouse or a spouse who went part time for a few years when the kids were very young. It’s not impossible to be a big law partner with a spouse with a demanding, inflexible job, but it isn’t something most families want to deal with. And, most don’t have to because they can afford to buy the flexibility that comes with one income. But, you already knew that and are being deliberately argumentative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I want a guy with a good career, makes at least $150k/year, lives alone, never been married, and no kids. I prefer white men, in shape but not too muscular, no tattoos, no facial hair ( a little stubble is okay), and short hair. My lifestyle is having 2-3 kids and being able to live a comfortable life. We would have money to pay for childcare, family vacations, college, etc.

I married one of those at almost 32. But he expected me to make at least 100k (which I did) and never stop working ever...no break for kids...none except maternity leave (which I took only 6 weeks because my job is demanding). We are divorced. Terrible marriage. You need to think differently. Respect and kindness are not on you list. They should be. If they guy is not respectful or kind, his 150k+ salary is not going to give you the "lifestyle" you want. A guy who makes less who cares about what you want as a family might be a better fit. I was 40% of the household income. The man you think you are looking for often also expect women to do two jobs--raising a family and be a working mom with a stressful job--they will not necessarily want to provide it for you.

Isn't that normal? My DH is a biglaw partner and also would be very opposed to me taking a "break for kids."

Serious question, but what’s the point of a having a partner working all those hours in big law and making all that money if you can’t get off the treadmill ever to take care of your kids when they’re babies? I don’t get it.

Because I’m my own person? And we both take care of our babies? I guess we are both confused...

My DH is a big law partner. Thinking through the younger partners at his firm, most either have a SAH spouse or a spouse who went part time for a few years when the kids were very young. It’s not impossible to be a big law partner with a spouse with a demanding, inflexible job, but it isn’t something most families want to deal with. And, most don’t have to because they can afford to buy the flexibility that comes with one income. But, you already knew that and are being deliberately argumentative.

I think you’re the one being deliberatively argumentative. It’s atypical in this day and age for an able bodied adult to take a multi year pause from working. PP, who was bitter that her husband expected her to keep working, had strange expectations for her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I want a guy with a good career, makes at least $150k/year, lives alone, never been married, and no kids. I prefer white men, in shape but not too muscular, no tattoos, no facial hair ( a little stubble is okay), and short hair. My lifestyle is having 2-3 kids and being able to live a comfortable life. We would have money to pay for childcare, family vacations, college, etc.

I married one of those at almost 32. But he expected me to make at least 100k (which I did) and never stop working ever...no break for kids...none except maternity leave (which I took only 6 weeks because my job is demanding). We are divorced. Terrible marriage. You need to think differently. Respect and kindness are not on you list. They should be. If they guy is not respectful or kind, his 150k+ salary is not going to give you the "lifestyle" you want. A guy who makes less who cares about what you want as a family might be a better fit. I was 40% of the household income. The man you think you are looking for often also expect women to do two jobs--raising a family and be a working mom with a stressful job--they will not necessarily want to provide it for you.

Isn't that normal? My DH is a biglaw partner and also would be very opposed to me taking a "break for kids."

Serious question, but what’s the point of a having a partner working all those hours in big law and making all that money if you can’t get off the treadmill ever to take care of your kids when they’re babies? I don’t get it.

Because I’m my own person? And we both take care of our babies? I guess we are both confused...

My DH is a big law partner. Thinking through the younger partners at his firm, most either have a SAH spouse or a spouse who went part time for a few years when the kids were very young. It’s not impossible to be a big law partner with a spouse with a demanding, inflexible job, but it isn’t something most families want to deal with. And, most don’t have to because they can afford to buy the flexibility that comes with one income. But, you already knew that and are being deliberately argumentative.

+1 to the larger point; two working spouses do so to have the flexibility for one parent to stay home during younger formative years. This is highly common. Is he resentful if I worked my ass off and then my spouse demanded I spend my money to pay someone else to raise my child. It’s fine if you want that, but this is not what the 2nd poster was expressing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I want a guy with a good career, makes at least $150k/year, lives alone, never been married, and no kids. I prefer white men, in shape but not too muscular, no tattoos, no facial hair ( a little stubble is okay), and short hair. My lifestyle is having 2-3 kids and being able to live a comfortable life. We would have money to pay for childcare, family vacations, college, etc.

I married one of those at almost 32. But he expected me to make at least 100k (which I did) and never stop working ever...no break for kids...none except maternity leave (which I took only 6 weeks because my job is demanding). We are divorced. Terrible marriage. You need to think differently. Respect and kindness are not on you list. They should be. If they guy is not respectful or kind, his 150k+ salary is not going to give you the "lifestyle" you want. A guy who makes less who cares about what you want as a family might be a better fit. I was 40% of the household income. The man you think you are looking for often also expect women to do two jobs--raising a family and be a working mom with a stressful job--they will not necessarily want to provide it for you.

Isn't that normal? My DH is a biglaw partner and also would be very opposed to me taking a "break for kids."

Serious question, but what’s the point of a having a partner working all those hours in big law and making all that money if you can’t get off the treadmill ever to take care of your kids when they’re babies? I don’t get it.

Because I’m my own person? And we both take care of our babies? I guess we are both confused...

I am the original PP but not the last one...you are obviously in a different kind of marriage. A lot of men do not take care of their babies. My ex did not lift a finger until the youngest was 6. And I was working full time with a demanding job and a terrible commute. Consider yourself lucky...not typical. That is why a lot of women want a break with babies...a lot of men do not share the load. It is widely published that the labor around childrearing and maintaining a household STILL disproportionately falls to women. It is hard to be two people at once yet that is what many men expect...not like your husband, I guess.

We also hire a lot out. Laundry service, twice a week housekeeper, au pair. Any time we spend not on our kids or our careers is a failure to manage our affairs IMO.

Which is fine for you, if it’s what you prefer, but you must know that most people don’t want to limit their range of experience to just those two things. My husband and I are managing our affairs just fine with me working part time and doing our laundry, cooking our own food, and cleaning things up. My life isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but I’m the only one who has to enjoy it. Working 50 hours a week isn’t a virtue. It’s just a choice that has externalities. I choose other externalities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I want a guy with a good career, makes at least $150k/year, lives alone, never been married, and no kids. I prefer white men, in shape but not too muscular, no tattoos, no facial hair ( a little stubble is okay), and short hair. My lifestyle is having 2-3 kids and being able to live a comfortable life. We would have money to pay for childcare, family vacations, college, etc.

I married one of those at almost 32. But he expected me to make at least 100k (which I did) and never stop working ever...no break for kids...none except maternity leave (which I took only 6 weeks because my job is demanding). We are divorced. Terrible marriage. You need to think differently. Respect and kindness are not on you list. They should be. If they guy is not respectful or kind, his 150k+ salary is not going to give you the "lifestyle" you want. A guy who makes less who cares about what you want as a family might be a better fit. I was 40% of the household income. The man you think you are looking for often also expect women to do two jobs--raising a family and be a working mom with a stressful job--they will not necessarily want to provide it for you.

Isn't that normal? My DH is a biglaw partner and also would be very opposed to me taking a "break for kids."

Serious question, but what’s the point of a having a partner working all those hours in big law and making all that money if you can’t get off the treadmill ever to take care of your kids when they’re babies? I don’t get it.

Because I’m my own person? And we both take care of our babies? I guess we are both confused...

My DH is a big law partner. Thinking through the younger partners at his firm, most either have a SAH spouse or a spouse who went part time for a few years when the kids were very young. It’s not impossible to be a big law partner with a spouse with a demanding, inflexible job, but it isn’t something most families want to deal with. And, most don’t have to because they can afford to buy the flexibility that comes with one income. But, you already knew that and are being deliberately argumentative.

I think you’re the one being deliberatively argumentative. It’s atypical in this day and age for an able bodied adult to take a multi year pause from working. PP, who was bitter that her husband expected her to keep working, had strange expectations for her life.

I was pointing out that it’s not at all atypical in some circles, such as big law partners who work 70-80 hours a week. Why would an able-bodied adult sign up for a marriage in which two parents together work 120 hours a week while raising young children and sitting on piles of money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I want a guy with a good career, makes at least $150k/year, lives alone, never been married, and no kids. I prefer white men, in shape but not too muscular, no tattoos, no facial hair ( a little stubble is okay), and short hair. My lifestyle is having 2-3 kids and being able to live a comfortable life. We would have money to pay for childcare, family vacations, college, etc.

I married one of those at almost 32. But he expected me to make at least 100k (which I did) and never stop working ever...no break for kids...none except maternity leave (which I took only 6 weeks because my job is demanding). We are divorced. Terrible marriage. You need to think differently. Respect and kindness are not on you list. They should be. If they guy is not respectful or kind, his 150k+ salary is not going to give you the "lifestyle" you want. A guy who makes less who cares about what you want as a family might be a better fit. I was 40% of the household income. The man you think you are looking for often also expect women to do two jobs--raising a family and be a working mom with a stressful job--they will not necessarily want to provide it for you.

Isn't that normal? My DH is a biglaw partner and also would be very opposed to me taking a "break for kids."

Serious question, but what’s the point of a having a partner working all those hours in big law and making all that money if you can’t get off the treadmill ever to take care of your kids when they’re babies? I don’t get it.

Because I’m my own person? And we both take care of our babies? I guess we are both confused...

I am the original PP but not the last one...you are obviously in a different kind of marriage. A lot of men do not take care of their babies. My ex did not lift a finger until the youngest was 6. And I was working full time with a demanding job and a terrible commute. Consider yourself lucky...not typical. That is why a lot of women want a break with babies...a lot of men do not share the load. It is widely published that the labor around childrearing and maintaining a household STILL disproportionately falls to women. It is hard to be two people at once yet that is what many men expect...not like your husband, I guess.

We also hire a lot out. Laundry service, twice a week housekeeper, au pair. Any time we spend not on our kids or our careers is a failure to manage our affairs IMO.

Which is fine for you, if it’s what you prefer, but you must know that most people don’t want to limit their range of experience to just those two things. My husband and I are managing our affairs just fine with me working part time and doing our laundry, cooking our own food, and cleaning things up. My life isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but I’m the only one who has to enjoy it. Working 50 hours a week isn’t a virtue. It’s just a choice that has externalities. I choose other externalities.

You’re moving the goalposts. Obviously some people choose to use one spouse as a housekeeper and laundress, but then that spouse really can’t complain about gendered divisions of labors, and the other spouse has to agree that this rather silly arrangement, where a high income person gives it up to serve as a maid, is best for all involved. A typical spouse would, of course, prefer the other spouse keep earning a high income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I want a guy with a good career, makes at least $150k/year, lives alone, never been married, and no kids. I prefer white men, in shape but not too muscular, no tattoos, no facial hair ( a little stubble is okay), and short hair. My lifestyle is having 2-3 kids and being able to live a comfortable life. We would have money to pay for childcare, family vacations, college, etc.

You’re a troll. And a bad one.

Um, how is she a troll? I’m also 32 and single and looking for the same criteria, if not a slightly higher salary, and I’ve had plenty of luck finding these guys so far. I haven’t really been serious about settling down until this year, so planning on picking one for a committed relationship pretty soon. And no, I’m not a troll myself. But, yes, I’m attractive and make a very good salary myself, not that it should matter but because I’ll get flamed.

[Anonymous]

Why did your recent relationship end, OP?