Grieving after a loss of immediate family member

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lost my sister extremely suddenly in a shocking manner, close to the holidays, and it was about 2 months before my brain even felt like it was working right. I'd have good days, and then I'd have days where I couldn't even concentrate and I'd get to the end of the day and literally have no memory of what happened that day. Getting showered/dressed/ready for the day sometimes would take 3x as long as normal, and I had absolutely no recollection of where the time went.

I honestly could only start processing my grief after that point, and I was in therapy and joined a grief group (structured for 10 weeks). The grief group helped a lot in terms of having a place to feel my feelings and not neglect grieving, but also being able to truly set it aside when i wasn't in the space to deal with it. It kept me moving through the process but also not in it 24/7.

I would say I felt mostly normal after about 6 months, but it never has stopped that I will sometimes randomly burst into tears when I think of her or something kind of eerie happens. Also if I'm under stress, I find myself stuffing my feelings, and then they will come out in a flood.

I am not much of a crier, or at least I always tried really hard to avoid it, and I learned the importance of letting the crying out when it comes and/or the next appropriate time. It is literally a physical release for your body and emotions and has major benefits to both. If i go too long without crying now (like a 6-8+), I know I am not tending to my emotions well and will try to create safe opportunities for myself to cry because it seems to clear up emotional stress quickly.

I'm sorry for your loss. Similar to your joyful moment at the beach. I remember sitting in my livingroom a while after my loss and thinking something random about our houseplants. It occured to me that this was a break in my grief and if there was one moment of relief, more were possinle.

I'm pp. Sorry I meant to quote 8:56 poster.

[Anonymous]

I lost my father somewhat suddenly when I was 16 (he was recovering at home from a chronic illness and went to the hospital for some issue. He called and asked to see me and my siblings and seemed fine as we talked with him. We left and came home and he died right after).

If you asked me at the time I would have said I mourned for a few months. My father died over the summer and at the end of the next school year my best friend burst out crying one day and said I’d clearly been mad at her all year. I had no clue what she was talking about, but in retrospect I was withdrawn and grieving for closer to a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I lost my sister extremely suddenly in a shocking manner, close to the holidays, and it was about 2 months before my brain even felt like it was working right. I'd have good days, and then I'd have days where I couldn't even concentrate and I'd get to the end of the day and literally have no memory of what happened that day. Getting showered/dressed/ready for the day sometimes would take 3x as long as normal, and I had absolutely no recollection of where the time went.

I honestly could only start processing my grief after that point, and I was in therapy and joined a grief group (structured for 10 weeks). The grief group helped a lot in terms of having a place to feel my feelings and not neglect grieving, but also being able to truly set it aside when i wasn't in the space to deal with it. It kept me moving through the process but also not in it 24/7.

I would say I felt mostly normal after about 6 months, but it never has stopped that I will sometimes randomly burst into tears when I think of her or something kind of eerie happens. Also if I'm under stress, I find myself stuffing my feelings, and then they will come out in a flood.

I am not much of a crier, or at least I always tried really hard to avoid it, and I learned the importance of letting the crying out when it comes and/or the next appropriate time. It is literally a physical release for your body and emotions and has major benefits to both. If i go too long without crying now (like a 6-8+), I know I am not tending to my emotions well and will try to create safe opportunities for myself to cry because it seems to clear up emotional stress quickly.

My sister died 4 years ago in a sudden, traumatic way. I’d say I’m still not back to normal. My mother is worse. Her teenage daughters, who witnessed her death and were at risk during it, aren’t ever going to recover.
The first several days I was with my parents and siblings and her kids. Mine were at home, where I left them when the news came in the middle of the night.
Couldn’t eat.
I definitely had depression. For 6 months I barely slept. I’d wait til everyone else was asleep and then I’d torture myself with photos and memories and cry. Finally went to dr and took medicine until about a year ago. It helped but was just masking issues.

Reaching the point where I was older than my sister when she died was hard. Helping my niece get ready for college without her mom was hard. Happy events are always tinged with sadness.

Some days are worse than others. The grief is a wave story is so true. Sometimes it’s lapping at my feet, sometimes I’m swept under.

[Anonymous]

I lost my sister in an accident 2.5 years ago. She was my best friend. I am still trying to be okay. I still cry in shower often. I can’t hear my own voice in videos or on answering machine without crying because we sound so much alike.

Actually I lost my dad a year after my sister. We were close, and I miss him too, but the first thought When I heard the news was that at least my sister wasn’t alone on the other side.

It took me 6 months really to be able to hug my children without feeling guilty. I feel like my sister’s kids are handling grief better than adults around them. And everyone handles grief differently.

If you are experiencing so much sadness today, I hope tomorrow will be a better day.

[Anonymous]

Hard to say. In the first few months it was a constant pain. Then it subsided into something that when I brushed against it, caused pain but I could somewhat avoid brushing against it. At almost two years, I can still cry over her loss but I can also enjoy memories of her and feel happy.

I’m so sorry for your loss, OP.

[Anonymous]

1-1.5 years.

The parent was sick a long time. We all were exhausted afterward.

Right after, I was sick with various things. I visited the ER.

The dying was long and drawn out with many hospital visits and emergencies and it was traumatizing.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry for your loss.