Grieving after a loss of immediate family member

[Anonymous]

How long did it take you to move back into your normal day to day?

[Anonymous]

6 months.

[Anonymous]

But a year to feel like me again (but still missing parent)

[Anonymous]

I was able to function normally (back to work, not teary in public, etc.) within a couple of weeks, but I was sick for 4 months straight afterwards with a string of minor and serious illnesses. Pneumonia, cold after cold leading to ear infections. There was not a day in that 4 months that I was perfectly healthy. The stress really did dampen my immune system, a phenomenon that I had always thought was overblown.

[Anonymous]

I was able to function immediately, even though we had been incredibly close. It affects everyone differently.

[Anonymous]

Having lost my parents, it helped me to have this mindset: THEY would not want me to suffer. To have me hurting is the last thing they would want for me. I can honor them by getting through this. They loved me so much. They always wanted good things for me and I know they would want that to be their legacy.

[Anonymous]

I was able to go back to work and function within a couple of weeks, but I could barely talk about my sister to anyone without breaking down in tears for about a year (and I'm not a crier). We lost our parents early in life, so this hit really hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But a year to feel like me again (but still missing parent)

Same here after parent death

[Anonymous]

The best thing someone told me was that grief is like a ball in a box. Every time the ball hits the sides of the box it hurts, when the loss first happens the ball is so big that it constantly presses the sides. Over time, the ball shrinks. It hits the sides sometimes, but much less often. It's less, not gone.

[Anonymous]

Are we talking immediate family as in the family we created as adults? Lots of people are answering for Members of their family of origin which I no longer consider my immediate family. I’ve lost two members of my family of origin But not my spouse or child.

[Anonymous]

I think it is so different based on the circumstance. With very elderly parents you grieve and you remember what they did for you but life goes on. A child would be heart breaking.

[Anonymous]

I don’t remember the 1st 3 months, after 6 I was much better. I think a year is very normal.

[Anonymous]

My parents were in their 90’s and they had lived incredibly fulfilling lives but at the end they were living lives I knew they did not want to live. It was terribly hard to say good bye and I still think about them almost every day as we have pictures of them everywhere. But I don’t grieve, I just really miss them and I miss that they have never met my grandchildren who now carry their name.

[Anonymous]

I think there is something significant about, "a year of mourning", the tradition of widows wearing only black and being in mourning for a year.

[Anonymous]

I am not Jewish - but a good friend lost her dad about a year before I lost my dad. I watched her go through the traditions - the immediate period from death to burial, sitting Shiva, the 30 day reflective period, prayers daily for a year, the headstone a year after and a candle annually.

As I went through processing my grief, I used these milestones to help me along.

We as a family created some fun traditions - we have a gift from my dad to each of the kids under the Christmas Tree. This is fun as we try and capture his personality with this gift. We also did the Relay for Life as a family the year after he passed - my mom was there all night!

How ever long it takes - is the right answer. And during this period, everything is harder. I hope you or who ever is grieving finds a way through that works for them