Married with kids v.s. Single by choice lifestyle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot imagine being satisfied in life by career only.

I can. And I have kids. And I am a woman. I can completely see being happy either way. If you don't really want kids, do not do it. You will not be happy.

I think never marrying is a far better option in life than marrying and having kids when you really don't want that life.

Yes this. I think we need to get over the idea that one needs to get married and/or have children to have a meaningful fulfilling life. So many people end up miserable trying to live up to this standard. If you truly desire marriage and/or children go for it. If not , it's better not to do those things just to meet some arbitrary standard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Slavery is a strong word, op. I say this as a person who is caucasian meaning none of my ancestors were slaves, at least not that I know. Slavery involved coersion and violence which makes me wonder what you have experienced or who you associate with to equate marriage with such a nasty institution.

If you don’t want to marry and have kids, don’t. Know that the type of women you will attract may not be the type of women you want to attract. Very few women want to remain legally single and childless solely so they can date you. To be blunt, you aren’t that awesome.

Women will do things for husbands that they won’t do for boyfriends, i.e. “I’m home reading a book so my husband can work all weekend, he provides so well for our family” or “I’m making the meal my husband likes because I love seeing him so happy”.

If you want a girlfriend to treat you like a wife treats a husband, you need to get married.

Most healthy women won’t sit home and knit while you live out your single man’s dream, meaning the women you attract will have unhealthy ways of passing the time. Either that, or they will find a guy who wants to marry them and the gal who swore she “didn’t need marriage” will text you and say “I’m getting married next week, and it isn’t to you”.

As your friends marry, they will be less able or willing to hang out with you. They will like you just fine unless or until you treat their wives or kids poorly. Then that will be the end of the friendship.

Even if you are a prince to the wives and kids, the sheer amount of time to see you will decrease. My husband works enough as it is, I am unwilling to not spend every minute on the weekends with him. That may change in time, but for now, I need a marriage where I have 48 hours to enjoy my husband and remember what a cool person he is.

As for kids, you will probably regret not having them. Most people do.

I wonder why you don’t want to find a woman who shares whatever your vision for your business and life is and then marry her? It seems lonely to me, and makes me wonder if you have some weird ideas about marriage or if you don’t like women on an emotional level.

The fact that you are asking this question makes me wonder if your friend group is starting to leave you out of things or if you are finding that you aren’t getting the care and love you did as an early twenty-something, especially after 6 months of social distancing. This is normal, I now provide the care and love to my husband that I used to provide to friends of both genders, and the only person I want to eat out with right now is my husband. No way is he going to do something fun without me and risk bringing home covid, not when I can’t say to him “we have covid, but you know, I don’t regret (fill in shared experience).

Like I say op, it’s 2020 and you don’t have to do anything. You may not like the results, but you are not obligated to marry and have children.

You sound jealous and scared that some single guy is going to take your husband away from you and show him what he has been missing. You sound controlling and smothering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You won't! I'm a 30-year-old single woman and I'm loving every minute of it! I was never a family-oriented person and just want to focus on work and travel (after COVID ends of course). Marriage and motherhood look miserable to me. As some of my friends start to enter those paths, I'm happy for them but at the same time I'm also quite relieved it's not me. I do not want to be tied down.

Read the post 'My 81 year old mother was scammed' in the Midlife Forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot imagine being satisfied in life by career only.

Agree!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot imagine being satisfied in life by career only.

Agree!!

I can. But not being married and not having kids, does not mean you are only satisfied by career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot imagine being satisfied in life by career only.

I can't imagine etermining the value of my life based on the fruits of my genitals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot imagine being satisfied in life by career only.

I can't imagine etermining the value of my life based on the fruits of my genitals.

Why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You will when you're old and lonely.

I think so too.. But I always wanted to be a father

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot imagine being satisfied in life by career only.

I can't imagine etermining the value of my life based on the fruits of my genitals.

Yes you can phrase it however you like, but I have an adorable toddler to love and hug and cuddle every day. I'll be able to watch her grow up and then maybe see her kids one day too

[Anonymous]

As a society we have such a hard time taking other people's perspectives. Is it lack of imagination? Brainwashing? Who knows. I married young and had kids young and have no regrets. But I absolutely can imagine a person deciding that's not for them and having a full and rich life. One of my older relatives is gay, doesn't have a partner, but has a vast and supportive friend community. He's elderly but has never been alone. He had to chart a different course (or so he felt) because of the era in which he grew up, but maybe straight people can take a page from the lgbtq+ community and recognize that unmarried doesn't have to equal lonely or isolated. Maybe he would have married a man if he had been born a few decades later, but he's happy with his choices. I also have friends who are single parents by choice. They wanted a baby but not a partner. I have friends who have dogs but no kids, kids but no pets, partners but no kids, etc. We all get one life. Make the best choice for you at that moment in time. Give yourself the flexibility to revisit your decisions. If you don't have a biological child and later decide you wished you had had kids, you might decide to engage with kids in some other way. People foster kids, adopt, spend time with nieces and nephews etc. We all will have a couple regrets in life at one point or another, but we muddle through and try to accept that we did the best for ourselves given what we felt to be true at that point in time. We certainly don't need to waste time deciding what will make other people happy or judging their choices. And by the way, I may be married with kids, but I have lots of single friends, childless friends -- we all hang out, they're an important part of my life. We can all look out for one another!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot imagine being satisfied in life by career only.

I can't imagine etermining the value of my life based on the fruits of my genitals.

You made me spit out my coffee!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You won't! I'm a 30-year-old single woman and I'm loving every minute of it! I was never a family-oriented person and just want to focus on work and travel (after COVID ends of course). Marriage and motherhood look miserable to me. As some of my friends start to enter those paths, I'm happy for them but at the same time I'm also quite relieved it's not me. I do not want to be tied down.

30.

Okay.

What is that supposed to mean?

30 is still quite young and you still have time to change your mind.

Funny how this garbage is only said to women, not men.

Because if a woman wants to have a child, she's on the clock. After a certain point it's too late, biologically. Men don't have the same problem.

That has nothing to do with this conversation. She doesn't want kids. "You'll change your mind!" Isnt a bio clock warning

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot imagine being satisfied in life by career only.

I can't imagine etermining the value of my life based on the fruits of my genitals.

Yes you can phrase it however you like, but I have an adorable toddler to love and hug and cuddle every day. I'll be able to watch her grow up and then maybe see her kids one day too

I am a parent but have no interest in having grandchildren. I don't find it that fascinating watching a kid grow up. I did it myself. Why is it that interesting to see it again? I prefer adult company to children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot imagine being satisfied in life by career only.

I can't imagine etermining the value of my life based on the fruits of my genitals.

Marriage with no kids is the best! Then you don't have to rely on the fruits of your genitals or your career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You will when you're old and lonely.

So...if he's old and lonely because his spouse died or he got divorced, then he won't regret it?