I wish I’d had kids sooner

[Anonymous]

I'm so happy I didn't have kids early. I lived alone, figured out who I am and what I want, and I spent each month in a different city of country.

A lot of people like to say that is horrible to have kids in college when you're 60+, but I think it would have been horrible to have kids when I was having fun. Different strokes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Me too Op.currently 39yo with 2 kids and hoping for a third, but it is feeling unlikely. I think DH would have been more willing if I had pushed for our second sooner and not felt like we were rushing under the wire with a third now. I adore my kids and being a mom. I want to see them grown to full fledged boring adult ages. I’m satisfied with having had my first at 30, but would have liked my second before 37. It is what is at this point.

Mothers of boys, talk to your sons about deciding to have children (or not.) there is sooooo much accepted ambivalence among men. I think this is why there is so frequently a disconnect about the number is children women want vs their husbands. Men don’t start thinking about it till much later in life.

I'm not following you point about sons - can you explain?

np but the point is that it's generally men who are "not ready" and don't want to settle down. Their biological clock doesn't tick as loudly and unless you can find a marriage-ready man all the wanting in the world is not going to let you have kids young. I had kids late and never heard the clock tick. I paid the price by having a child with special needs (chromosomal abnormality not detectable in utero). If I had to do it all over again I would only change the length of time I spent in grad school so plus or minus a few years (Phd). Also there is no guarantee what kind of grandparents your own parents will make. My parents are 15 years younger than my ILs but my ILs were much better grandparents. I think you can only count on the helpful kind if your own parents had that kind of help as models. Mine didn't. I had no idea how involved grandparents could be.

[Anonymous]

I terminated 2 pregnancies in my 20s. Unintended, unwanted. I wanted kids when I wanted kids, which for me turned out to be 39 and 43.

I loved my 20s and 30s and in no way were kids a part of the plan then. They were part of my plan much later. I am grateful.

[Anonymous]

The grass is always greener.

[Anonymous]

Me too, OP.

[Anonymous]

YOu can't change it so you have to force yourself to move on from the thoughts. There could have been lots of negative outcomes if you'd had kids earlier too.

My mom was 40, my dad 41 when I was born. My mom is a very active grandmother and super involved. My dad unfortunately passed away this year however it wasn't age related and it could have killed him when he was 40 if it had happened then.

[Anonymous]

I had two kids in my 40s. I am always on the older side, but have never once been the oldest parent in any of their classes. DC is truly a mecca of geriatric parenting.

[Anonymous]

My mom had me when she was 38. It is stressful to have old
Parents. I have worried about her health since I was in my teens. I have seen a huge decline in people’s health after 70, so if you have your kids at 40, your kids will start to help With your care in their 30, and that is hard. Even if they don’t take care of you they will be worried about your health constantly. However I have friends that their moms died when they were in their 40/50s and my friends were already in there 20s, so nothing is guaranteed in life.

[Anonymous]

I think there's a balance. Having kids when you are poor, if you both work, is tough. And having kids later allows you to save for a house, invest in retirement, etc. Daycare payments kill that.

I think it's a balance between financially stable and young enough to chase them around the playground.

Personally, God willing, I'd try to get them all birthed between maybe 32 and 37? Even having had #2 at 37, sometimes I felt a bit ragged when she was maybe 7? Heck at 45, my parents had two college kids.

[Anonymous]

I had my kids are 29, 31 and 34. I have always been by far the youngest mom (often mistaken for the nanny) in all of my kids classes (first 2 kids since the third is 18 months). My kids go to private school so that might make the age difference With other parents even grater. A few of my eldest’s 1st grade parents are in their 50s and a couple is 55+. I feel very much insecure about my age and I have been referred to as “baby” more than once by other moms... it’s not fun, but I am very happy I am “young“ for my kids.

DH on the other hand, is 12 years older than me and I worry that he will be 60 with a 14 year old. DH is in great health now and his parents are healthy in their 80s so hopefully he has good genes.

Overall I Am happy I had kids “young”, but They would not have this life or these opportunities if it weren’t for my “old” husband. I was in grad school when I had my first 2...

There are a lot of trade-offs No matter what

[Anonymous]

Any of us will be lucky to see your children graduate from college, OP. The world is literally burning and becoming hell in the handbasket of an almighty God who is pretty fed up with the selfishness. I used to want another child in my early 40s, not so sure anymore. I am thankful for my one. Be thankful for yours. And as long as you stay in DC, you will never be old.

[Anonymous]

I get what you are saying op. I’m in my mid 40’s with a child in elementary. All the other moms are 11-12 yrs younger than me. We just can’t relate at all, maybe I act even older than my age, I don’t know. I recently found some moms closer to my age within 7 yrs but that’s the closest. I used to dwell on it all the time, but as my kid gets older I realize that I don’t have to be best friends with the other parents so it’s gotten easier.

[Anonymous]

It's really not about when you had kids. It's simply being in mid-40s that makes us think about the what-ifs of the path not taken.

I had my kids relatively young, and I still wonder about the other path I gave up. I love my life, career and family, but it's still completely normal to think and day dream about other outcomes.

Keep it in check so it doesn't become a mid-life crisis.

[Anonymous]

First-time mom at 45; I am loving it. No worries, none. House is paid off. Losta retirement money. big college fund. Healthy as a horse. Fully engaged grandparents, super active in their 70s. Ski season coming up!

No way would i have had a kid prior to full financial stability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband's mom was 25 when she had him. She died at age 53 of cancer.

Life has no guarantees. You have thee healthy children? Count your blessings, eat your veggies and don't let life pass you by while you worry about the what ifs.

At least he had her until he was 28, not 10.