I wish I’d had kids sooner

[Anonymous]

For a number of reasons (married later, wanted to be financially stable before becoming a mother, etc.), I didn’t have children until I was 38. Now I’m 43 and have three kids under five. I will be 60 when my youngest graduates from high school. I’m worried that I’ll die before they graduate college, or that I won’t be around to see my grandkids—or if I am, that I’ll be too old to be an active grandparent. I’ll always be the “old mom” in my children’s classes, and I do wish I were 10 years younger. How do I deal with the regret and guilt of not having children earlier in life?

[Anonymous]

You wouldn’t have the wonderful kids you have today if you had them younger.

Now get your head out of your @ss and stop ruminating on stuff you cannot change.

[Anonymous]

My husband's mom was 25 when she had him. She died at age 53 of cancer.

Life has no guarantees. You have thee healthy children? Count your blessings, eat your veggies and don't let life pass you by while you worry about the what ifs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For a number of reasons (married later, wanted to be financially stable before becoming a mother, etc.), I didn’t have children until I was 38. Now I’m 43 and have three kids under five. I will be 60 when my youngest graduates from high school. I’m worried that I’ll die before they graduate college, or that I won’t be around to see my grandkids—or if I am, that I’ll be too old to be an active grandparent. I’ll always be the “old mom” in my children’s classes, and I do wish I were 10 years younger. How do I deal with the regret and guilt of not having children earlier in life?

Talk to Molly Sims, Gwen Stefani, and Janet Jackson. Or even Geena Davis.

[Anonymous]

You are not the old mom. I’m 42. I have 3 kids ages 3-11. I’m still exhausted even though I had my first kid at 30. I had my third at age 38. Many of my 3yo’s friends are slightly younger than me but I never feel old. I feel like a young mom amongst my 11yo. He is my oldest but many of his friends are the youngest of their families so they may have siblings in high school or college.

[Anonymous]

If you want to change how you think, change how you think.

[Anonymous]

If you live in the DC area, you won't be the old mom with kids that age.

Regardless, this isn't something you can change. Be grateful for what you have. There are plenty of "young" grandparents in their 70s and 80s. Take care of yourself, stay healthy and fit, and focus on the things you actually have control of.

[Anonymous]

This guy is a grandfather who is now in a permanent coma. Guess how old he is? 43. His grandkids won't benefit from having him around either. Its all in how you see life OP.



https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8728121/British-grandfather-43-induced-coma-Tenerife-breaking-neck-diving-pool.html

[Anonymous]

As an old parent myself, maybe this framing would help - if I'd had kids sooner, they would be *different* kids. Maybe they would be better. But there's also a chance they would have been worse. Loss aversion means I'm going to stick with what I've got.

[Anonymous]

I thought this post was going to be about how you wished you had tried earlier because you were unable to have children now. Your glass is half full OP.

[Anonymous]

Me too Op.currently 39yo with 2 kids and hoping for a third, but it is feeling unlikely. I think DH would have been more willing if I had pushed for our second sooner and not felt like we were rushing under the wire with a third now. I adore my kids and being a mom. I want to see them grown to full fledged boring adult ages. I’m satisfied with having had my first at 30, but would have liked my second before 37. It is what is at this point.

Mothers of boys, talk to your sons about deciding to have children (or not.) there is sooooo much accepted ambivalence among men. I think this is why there is so frequently a disconnect about the number is children women want vs their husbands. Men don’t start thinking about it till much later in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought this post was going to be about how you wished you had tried earlier because you were unable to have children now. Your glass is half full OP.

+1. I wished I started having kids earlier because I found out I have premature ovarian failure at 36 and couldn’t have a second. None of us have crystal balls, OP, we do the best we can and don’t dwell on the things we can’t change.

[Anonymous]

No, I had mine in my 40s. I loved my younger years - traveling, partying, developing my career. When I had my kids I was in a very comfortable position, both financially and also career-wise. I'm still being able to retire on time. I was not mature enough to take care of another human being until later in life.

[Anonymous]

I am 41 with two under 5. I wish I had them a few years sooner, but then I'd probably be on another thread complaining about distance learning right now. There is no perfect timing. Enjoy the present!

[Anonymous]

OP, people are right that you shouldn't dwell on things you can't change. I do understand a little twinge of wishing it were different but most things have pros and cons. Just focus on what you gained.