If you married young (under 25)

[Anonymous]

My parents met at 21, married at 24. My mom broke off another engagement when she met my dad! Kids at 30 and 36. Their 40th anniversary was this year and they are still very much in love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents met at 21, married at 24. My mom broke off another engagement when she met my dad! Kids at 30 and 36. Their 40th anniversary was this year and they are still very much in love.

And my mom’s mom was very upset because she thought 24 was too young to get married!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married at 22. I knew who I was, I was educated and didn't have to commit to being poor. My husband was 25. Instead of having a big wedding we used the money for a downpayment on a house. We both had good careers. He was and still is my best friend. Our marriage has been relatively easy. The biggest hurdles was making career moves to different cities, and an unexpected illness, but overall our marriage has been 95% happy/non-conflict. We were very mature, responsible, and committed to each other. I wouldn't change a thing.

We are still happily married, in our mid-40s, and have three teenagers. One starts his first day of college classes today. If he meets the right person and together they are able to provide and create a life together, then I'm fine with him marrying at 22.

How do You have money for a down payment at 22? Your parents must have helped you.

Most 22 year olds don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married at 22. I knew who I was, I was educated and didn't have to commit to being poor. My husband was 25. Instead of having a big wedding we used the money for a downpayment on a house. We both had good careers. He was and still is my best friend. Our marriage has been relatively easy. The biggest hurdles was making career moves to different cities, and an unexpected illness, but overall our marriage has been 95% happy/non-conflict. We were very mature, responsible, and committed to each other. I wouldn't change a thing.

We are still happily married, in our mid-40s, and have three teenagers. One starts his first day of college classes today. If he meets the right person and together they are able to provide and create a life together, then I'm fine with him marrying at 22.

How do You have money for a down payment at 22? Your parents must have helped you.

Most 22 year olds don't.

Our parents didn't help us. We had a small amount of money saved, and used it. We were planning a wedding, but thought wasting that amount of money was ridiculous. My MIL is actually still mad we didn't have a big family wedding. We both started working at 14 and have always saved. It wasn't a DCUM downpayment, but it covered 10%. Seller paid closing costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married at 22. I knew who I was, I was educated and didn't have to commit to being poor. My husband was 25. Instead of having a big wedding we used the money for a downpayment on a house. We both had good careers. He was and still is my best friend. Our marriage has been relatively easy. The biggest hurdles was making career moves to different cities, and an unexpected illness, but overall our marriage has been 95% happy/non-conflict. We were very mature, responsible, and committed to each other. I wouldn't change a thing.

We are still happily married, in our mid-40s, and have three teenagers. One starts his first day of college classes today. If he meets the right person and together they are able to provide and create a life together, then I'm fine with him marrying at 22.

How do You have money for a down payment at 22? Your parents must have helped you.

Most 22 year olds don't.

And if their parents did would that invalidate their marriage story somehow? Who cares.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I were married at 20, I was pregnant. We are still married and will be celebrating our 40th in December. We had our second at 25. I have no regrets, sure there were tough times and we were broke for years. Fortunately, I went back to school at 22 for my bachelors, (free due to my mothers job at a university) and even earned a masters at 53 (free though my job at a university). Free college and vocational training for all, at any time, would solve a lot of issues. If I didn't have free education, I think things would have been a lot tougher.

We made lots of memories together and were empty nesters at the ripe old age of 45. Unfortunately, I don't think I will be a grandma, my kids aren't cooperating. And no, I have never said anything to them, totally their choice. I was just looking forward to being a young grandma. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

We got married a week after our college graduation day -- we were both 22. Moved from midwest to DC for his job on the Hill. We lived in a group house back in the day. I ended up getting a job on the Hill also. We always planned to move out of DC but we are still here 26 years later. We have 4 kids and just got the last one settled at college. We are both 48 and barring Covid returns we are empty nesters! We are very excited about that. I am the breadwinner (he is a Fed) and our plan is that I will work until 55 then retire. He will work longer to get his full pension. We couldn't be happier together or with our choices in life.

[Anonymous]

I met my now husband at 16 he was 18. Got pregnant at 17 and had our 2nd child at 19. We married when I was 21 and have now been together 27 years married 21 years. We had lots of arguments, trust issues and more but we learned together and grew in every way and are stronger then ever. We went from being young with nothing to owning a business and now having 3 daughters and 2 grandsons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Met at 19, married at 25, first kid at 30. 24th anniversary coming up. I think the key is not when you get married but how long you can be married before kids. You can get established as a couple within your families and travel and cement your relationship and finances before having children, which adds a lot of (good) stress.

Married at 25 and we waited five years before we had children. This gave us plenty of time to mature as a couple, work on our careers, save money and travel. Once children arrived we were ready and while stressful with 3 in four years it worked out very well. We’ve been married 28 years and we are still very much in love.

[Anonymous]

Married at 24. Been together 21 years.

[Anonymous]

We got married after age 25, but easily could have been married by then. We met at 18, started dating at 20, moved in together at 22, married at 27, kids at 34.

Pairing up young was a huge financial benefit. We lived in a small one bedroom apartment when our peers had to pay for a 2 bedroom with a roommate. We split a car and all living expenses. We managed to save up a good sized downpayment for a nice house in DC by 27, allowing us to get into the housing market during the 2008 recession and nearly a decade before many of our peers. We were also able to max out our 401ks starting at 23. That has turned into significant equity and net worth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Although my story is the opposite, I love all these early marriage stories! I think that society/parents should respect young peoples’ relationships a lot more than they do. You never know!

I think the secret is to marry the right person for you and to be deeply in love no matter what age you marry. I'm in my late 30s and quite a few of my friends are still single and coming to terms with not having a husband or kids (I'm sure some will, but they're trying to plan for all scenarios). A few said things like, I met X in college and we were perfect for each other. But we broke up because we wanted to experience more and move other places. And they wonder if X was it and they missed their chance. A few friends who married in their 30s married because they had to and didn't think they'd find someone better.

[Anonymous]

Started dating at 17, had a baby at 23 (oops) and got married at 24. Been married for 4 years and it has been... interesting. We have 2 kids now and have moved around because of jobs. I'm not going to lie, it hasn't been easy, but I do believe we are stronger in our relationship now and it has been great getting to grow together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married at 22. I knew who I was, I was educated and didn't have to commit to being poor. My husband was 25. Instead of having a big wedding we used the money for a downpayment on a house. We both had good careers. He was and still is my best friend. Our marriage has been relatively easy. The biggest hurdles was making career moves to different cities, and an unexpected illness, but overall our marriage has been 95% happy/non-conflict. We were very mature, responsible, and committed to each other. I wouldn't change a thing.

We are still happily married, in our mid-40s, and have three teenagers. One starts his first day of college classes today. If he meets the right person and together they are able to provide and create a life together, then I'm fine with him marrying at 22.

How do You have money for a down payment at 22? Your parents must have helped you.

Most 22 year olds don't.

Our parents didn't help us. We had a small amount of money saved, and used it. We were planning a wedding, but thought wasting that amount of money was ridiculous. My MIL is actually still mad we didn't have a big family wedding. We both started working at 14 and have always saved. It wasn't a DCUM downpayment, but it covered 10%. Seller paid closing costs.

Similar story here! Married at 21 (me) and 24 (him), bought our first house when I was 22, because we skipped rings and a wedding and lived like poor students (mattress on the floor, hand-me-down lawn furniture and over turned cardboard box for living room furniture, beater of a car we barely kept limping along, budgeted for one "fancy meal" a month - steak subs!).
Had our first kid when I was 31. Married now for almost 30 years. Our parents didn't help us because they were horrified we were making such a terrible mistake, and didn't want to encourage us.

I'd rather my children wait until they're older than 21 to marry, simply because they're on a more typical educational path. I'd graduated from college at 20, both of them won't graduate until 21. I think having a bit of time to realize you're an adult is helpful before figuring it out with someone else. However, I also think it was easier for us to adapt to each other because we were both relatively young. The compromises required to live with someone can be big, even when they seem small. (TV in the bedroom, is laundry folded or left in laundry baskets, meals at regular times?)

And yes, my dad still complains I didn't give him the "big wedding" that I was supposed to as his only daughter. I've told him he can renew his vows with my mom (they're still married). But nope, apparently your daughter's wedding is different.

[Anonymous]

Met in college and got married at 22/24. We were religious so living together was our of the question. We made a lot of moves and sacrifices to get each other to our professional levels. At various points, one of us took the hit for the other one. For example, we moved to another state for him to finish law school while I worked and he moved his legal career to midwest for my education. We lived in small apartments but took time to travel and have lots of sex. We just had our first baby 7 years into our marriage. We agree that it’s more about when you have children than anything else. We feel like we’ve become true life partners. HOWEVER, I would not recommend this to my daughter. Luckily, my husband supported my professional ambitions but I can imagine how risky this all is, esp if you have kids too young and forfeit your advanced degree potential.