If you married young (under 25)

[Anonymous]

If you got married young, how did things work out long term for you/your marriage?

Would you have waited longer, dated more, done things differently? What would your advice be if your son/daughter wanted to get married young too?

[Anonymous]

Do not recommend marrying before late 20s , or 30s.
You have to know who you are, what you are capable of, what you want in life before you can be part of a team. It's not an economic thing like it was in previous generations, so marriage has taken on a whole different meaning and requirement .

No no no no no.....

[Anonymous]

I'm an introvert so still single in my 30s. Both siblings and parents married before 25. Parents together since 14 and 17 yrs old. With exception of one sibling all others still married. Lot of rough patches though.

[Anonymous]

Oh they didn't marry for economic reasons but for love.

[Anonymous]

Married at 20 & 23, kids at 24 and 2nd at 27, separated at 32, divorced at 37.

Married way too young and kids are well versed on not approaching marriage before 25 at the absolute earliest... but I do appreciate being my age with them at their ages now.

I'm not sure anyone could've stopped my train wreck once it had started, but I absolutely teach my kids differently from young ages what marriage and partnership is. My own parents were married at 19 & 21, kids at 21 and 2nd at 23 and they were very proud about this and seemed to me I was to follow suit regardless of the quality of guy. I came from a very religious family with some extreme traditional values and my marriage was controlling and abusive (like my family).

I would really question why the rush, what is the motivation and what void is being filled by marrying off.

Marriage as a whole is hopefully either dying out or about to be drastically redefined as society has shifted from the 1920's and women no longer require marriage to survive.

I would try best I could to understand their want to marry at all but have much more revere for committed partnerships.

[Anonymous]

I got married at 25. I waited until I graduated from grad school. Now 36. I'm happy with timing of everything.

[Anonymous]

Married at 22, my husband was just shy of 26. I was 6 weeks out of college. Just celebrated 19 years this summer. Two kids, 13 and 9 this year. We are happy and thriving together, even in COVID conditions.
I would have no problem if either of my kids married just out of college.we were engaged about 18 months and long distance most of the time. Leap of faith. It worked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married at 22, my husband was just shy of 26. I was 6 weeks out of college. Just celebrated 19 years this summer. Two kids, 13 and 9 this year. We are happy and thriving together, even in COVID conditions.
I would have no problem if either of my kids married just out of college.we were engaged about 18 months and long distance most of the time. Leap of faith. It worked out.

I meant my husband was almost 25, not 26.

[Anonymous]

Met DH at 16, starting dating at 18 and married at 24. Had DD at 32 and DS at 35 years. I am now 47 and DH is 48.

It has gone so fast and I don’t feel I have missed anything. We travelled and had lots of fun before kids.

[Anonymous]

Met at 17, went to college together the next year. Married during Sophomore year. We waited on children and finished up grad school, traveled, saved, bought a house, etc first. 22 years later and we’re very happy and the parents to three children. It has worked for us but 100% of our friends that were married before 22 have all divorced over the years.

[Anonymous]

Met at 19, married at 25, first kid at 30. 24th anniversary coming up. I think the key is not when you get married but how long you can be married before kids. You can get established as a couple within your families and travel and cement your relationship and finances before having children, which adds a lot of (good) stress.

[Anonymous]

It’s not when you get married, but when you have kids. Having a kid within the first year or two generally doesn’t work out.

[Anonymous]

DH and I married at 25 after knowing each other 8 months and dating for 3. We're at the 22 year mark now. Two kids 14 and 12, so we waited 8 years before having children. For us, think the secret is: we were very opinionated people at 25 and were very confident we had both found the right match. I have several friends who married around same time - some are still with their life partners, but several divorced pretty quickly.

I also agree waiting to have children allowed us to focus on the marriage. I found kids under age 5 to be very stressful - can't imagine navigating a new(ish) marriage and small children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not when you get married, but when you have kids. Having a kid within the first year or two generally doesn’t work out.

+1. Married at 24 but didn’t have my first kid until 29. Celebrated 10 years this year.

[Anonymous]

It's about commitment and willingness to be poor the first few years. I married at 23 and we lived in a horrible 1 bdrm, then a horrible 2 bedroom, then a nice 2 bedroom, and now we own our own home and hope to move to a larger one in next 20 years.

If You get married young, you need a high level of commitment and a willingness to bounce back from career changes.

I have one sister in law who was a child prodigy. Married at 19, Masters degree at 20, 2 kids by age 21. They have no money but are very happy - and I'm sure they'll do fine in the future, I'm not sure they expected the kids to come that quickly.