Mentoring a child who’s mother is clueless!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn't you get training in non-judgmental interactions before volunteering? Your conversations are not at all appropriate. I'm also surprised that letting the girl sleep over is allowed.

Yes we are trained to look for abuse and potentially abusive situations. I feel this is a potential situation 100%! It’s just a matter of time. As far as sleep overs the mom would happily let her stay with me 90% of the time! She even wanted to name me as the child’s Legal guardian if something happened to her.

Your manager, if s/he were a mandated reporter and trusted you, would have to report it as you have suspicions of abuse. Right? Is s/he not a mandated reporter? If not, what kind of program is this? And why aren't you mandated? What is your degree in?

A formerly incarcerated person is considered to have paid their debt to society. For you to judge a "potential situation" on past criminal status is wrong.

The mother wanted to name you as guardian in her will. What's the status of that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder why you mentioned in the other thread that he is nice looking and biracial. It makes me question your perspective. You seem like someone with a white savior complex.

And I wonder why Steele doesn’t want people to post the truth!!!

Wtf?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn't you get training in non-judgmental interactions before volunteering? Your conversations are not at all appropriate. I'm also surprised that letting the girl sleep over is allowed.

Yes we are trained to look for abuse and potentially abusive situations. I feel this is a potential situation 100%! It’s just a matter of time. As far as sleep overs the mom would happily let her stay with me 90% of the time! She even wanted to name me as the child’s Legal guardian if something happened to her.

Your manager, if s/he were a mandated reporter and trusted you, would have to report it as you have suspicions of abuse. Right? Is s/he not a mandated reporter? If not, what kind of program is this? And why aren't you mandated? What is your degree in?

A formerly incarcerated person is considered to have paid their debt to society. For you to judge a "potential situation" on past criminal status is wrong.

The mother wanted to name you as guardian in her will. What's the status of that?

I’m really starting to believe all the DC people are a bunch of moronic white trash just like what I’m dealing with right now !! People like you can bring in the next rapist murderer into your homes with your children once they are released !! Because after all they have served their time .. Puke!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn't you get training in non-judgmental interactions before volunteering? Your conversations are not at all appropriate. I'm also surprised that letting the girl sleep over is allowed.

Yes we are trained to look for abuse and potentially abusive situations. I feel this is a potential situation 100%! It’s just a matter of time. As far as sleep overs the mom would happily let her stay with me 90% of the time! She even wanted to name me as the child’s Legal guardian if something happened to her.

Your manager, if s/he were a mandated reporter and trusted you, would have to report it as you have suspicions of abuse. Right? Is s/he not a mandated reporter? If not, what kind of program is this? And why aren't you mandated? What is your degree in?

A formerly incarcerated person is considered to have paid their debt to society. For you to judge a "potential situation" on past criminal status is wrong.

The mother wanted to name you as guardian in her will. What's the status of that?

I’m really starting to believe all the DC people are a bunch of moronic white trash just like what I’m dealing with right now !! People like you can bring in the next rapist murderer into your homes with your children once they are released !! Because after all they have served their time .. Puke!!

I don't live in DC. I see you provided no answers, but instead, some valuable insight as to your mindset. I am not surprised your manager does not take you seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn't you get training in non-judgmental interactions before volunteering? Your conversations are not at all appropriate. I'm also surprised that letting the girl sleep over is allowed.

Yes we are trained to look for abuse and potentially abusive situations. I feel this is a potential situation 100%! It’s just a matter of time. As far as sleep overs the mom would happily let her stay with me 90% of the time! She even wanted to name me as the child’s Legal guardian if something happened to her.

Your manager, if s/he were a mandated reporter and trusted you, would have to report it as you have suspicions of abuse. Right? Is s/he not a mandated reporter? If not, what kind of program is this? And why aren't you mandated? What is your degree in?

A formerly incarcerated person is considered to have paid their debt to society. For you to judge a "potential situation" on past criminal status is wrong.

The mother wanted to name you as guardian in her will. What's the status of that?

I’m really starting to believe all the DC people are a bunch of moronic white trash just like what I’m dealing with right now !! People like you can bring in the next rapist murderer into your homes with your children once they are released !! Because after all they have served their time .. Puke!!

I don't live in DC. I see you provided no answers, but instead, some valuable insight as to your mindset. I am not surprised your manager does not take you seriously.

FYI my manager is very understanding of my concerns and knows all the crap I’ve had to deal with in the last 5 yrs! She actually thinks I have been very patient with the poor decisions being made by this individual. She wants me safe and has told me I can’t fix this and knows how helpless I feel. She recommends I leave the program physically and move to just phone calls and texts. She also thanked me for the years of trying to make a difference in this child’s life and hopes she will not go down the wrong path. Unfortunately I’m not very hopeful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn't you get training in non-judgmental interactions before volunteering? Your conversations are not at all appropriate. I'm also surprised that letting the girl sleep over is allowed.

Yes we are trained to look for abuse and potentially abusive situations. I feel this is a potential situation 100%! It’s just a matter of time. As far as sleep overs the mom would happily let her stay with me 90% of the time! She even wanted to name me as the child’s Legal guardian if something happened to her.

Your manager, if s/he were a mandated reporter and trusted you, would have to report it as you have suspicions of abuse. Right? Is s/he not a mandated reporter? If not, what kind of program is this? And why aren't you mandated? What is your degree in?

A formerly incarcerated person is considered to have paid their debt to society. For you to judge a "potential situation" on past criminal status is wrong.

The mother wanted to name you as guardian in her will. What's the status of that?

I’m really starting to believe all the DC people are a bunch of moronic white trash just like what I’m dealing with right now !! People like you can bring in the next rapist murderer into your homes with your children once they are released !! Because after all they have served their time .. Puke!!

I don't live in DC. I see you provided no answers, but instead, some valuable insight as to your mindset. I am not surprised your manager does not take you seriously.

FYI my manager is very understanding of my concerns and knows all the crap I’ve had to deal with in the last 5 yrs! She actually thinks I have been very patient with the poor decisions being made by this individual. She wants me safe and has told me I can’t fix this and knows how helpless I feel. She recommends I leave the program physically and move to just phone calls and texts. She also thanked me for the years of trying to make a difference in this child’s life and hopes she will not go down the wrong path. Unfortunately I’m not very hopeful.

I can see why she wants you to leave the program. The calls and texts will decrease over time.
I hope you find a job field for which you are better suited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder why you mentioned in the other thread that he is nice looking and biracial. It makes me question your perspective. You seem like someone with a white savior complex.

And I wonder why Steele doesn’t want people to post the truth!!!

I don’t know what this means. You seem more interested in raging against the child’s mother than actually doing anything to help. Hint: calling CPS because you think the mom has poor judgment is not actually helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn't you get training in non-judgmental interactions before volunteering? Your conversations are not at all appropriate. I'm also surprised that letting the girl sleep over is allowed.

Yes we are trained to look for abuse and potentially abusive situations. I feel this is a potential situation 100%! It’s just a matter of time. As far as sleep overs the mom would happily let her stay with me 90% of the time! She even wanted to name me as the child’s Legal guardian if something happened to her.

Your manager, if s/he were a mandated reporter and trusted you, would have to report it as you have suspicions of abuse. Right? Is s/he not a mandated reporter? If not, what kind of program is this? And why aren't you mandated? What is your degree in?

A formerly incarcerated person is considered to have paid their debt to society. For you to judge a "potential situation" on past criminal status is wrong.

The mother wanted to name you as guardian in her will. What's the status of that?

I’m really starting to believe all the DC people are a bunch of moronic white trash just like what I’m dealing with right now !! People like you can bring in the next rapist murderer into your homes with your children once they are released !! Because after all they have served their time .. Puke!!

I don't live in DC. I see you provided no answers, but instead, some valuable insight as to your mindset. I am not surprised your manager does not take you seriously.

FYI my manager is very understanding of my concerns and knows all the crap I’ve had to deal with in the last 5 yrs! She actually thinks I have been very patient with the poor decisions being made by this individual. She wants me safe and has told me I can’t fix this and knows how helpless I feel. She recommends I leave the program physically and move to just phone calls and texts. She also thanked me for the years of trying to make a difference in this child’s life and hopes she will not go down the wrong path. Unfortunately I’m not very hopeful.

It is clear that you are in no position to be helpful to this family you so disdain. Take your high horse and find another hobby. The manager is clearly trying to be nice about firing you from this volunteer position to which you are clearly ill suited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn't you get training in non-judgmental interactions before volunteering? Your conversations are not at all appropriate. I'm also surprised that letting the girl sleep over is allowed.

Yes we are trained to look for abuse and potentially abusive situations. I feel this is a potential situation 100%! It’s just a matter of time. As far as sleep overs the mom would happily let her stay with me 90% of the time! She even wanted to name me as the child’s Legal guardian if something happened to her.

Your manager, if s/he were a mandated reporter and trusted you, would have to report it as you have suspicions of abuse. Right? Is s/he not a mandated reporter? If not, what kind of program is this? And why aren't you mandated? What is your degree in?

A formerly incarcerated person is considered to have paid their debt to society. For you to judge a "potential situation" on past criminal status is wrong.

The mother wanted to name you as guardian in her will. What's the status of that?

I’m really starting to believe all the DC people are a bunch of moronic white trash just like what I’m dealing with right now !! People like you can bring in the next rapist murderer into your homes with your children once they are released !! Because after all they have served their time .. Puke!!

I don't live in DC. I see you provided no answers, but instead, some valuable insight as to your mindset. I am not surprised your manager does not take you seriously.

FYI my manager is very understanding of my concerns and knows all the crap I’ve had to deal with in the last 5 yrs! She actually thinks I have been very patient with the poor decisions being made by this individual. She wants me safe and has told me I can’t fix this and knows how helpless I feel. She recommends I leave the program physically and move to just phone calls and texts. She also thanked me for the years of trying to make a difference in this child’s life and hopes she will not go down the wrong path. Unfortunately I’m not very hopeful.

It is clear that you are in no position to be helpful to this family you so disdain. Take your high horse and find another hobby. The manager is clearly trying to be nice about firing you from this volunteer position to which you are clearly ill suited.

I am 23:30 who responded to the OP, after s/he had responded to me.
This response is not from me, though the poster did not identify as an NP.

[Anonymous]

A young girl in a dysfunctional family with a felon in the house ... but no, the problem is the volunteer mentor who is here seeking advice... holy cow.

[Anonymous]

I’m leaving the program because I refuse to keep trying to win a losing battle with a mother who keeps putting up obstacles for me. Her mom asked for my help getting her last jobless heroin addict live-in boyfriend out and I did. Which was months of a stressful s***show getting my friends/police involved, getting her legal paperwork needed, court dates, her sending pics of vandalism/destruction, text threats of burning her house down after he got eviction notice!

I know I don’t have a chance in hell making a difference in this child’s life now. Getting her to college and keeping her from getting pregnant by the time she’s 16 has been my #1 goal. But I also need to take care of my safety and my family. I’m extremely uncomfortable with the fact that this new family member and his crowd/lifestyle will end up at my home whether it’s dropping her off, bday parties I give her etc. Like my parents said, “you can rescue 3 sweet pit bulls and hope none will ever hurt your child but is that a risk you should take? Live by the odds not your heart”. I know 100% if I posted on here I was a victim of a crime given these circumstances everyone would jump down my throat and blame me! “What were you thinking would happen, you’re not very bright lady, you deserved it for being so ignorant” etc.... I would not have one person feel sorry for me and would be complete victim blame!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m leaving the program because I refuse to keep trying to win a losing battle with a mother who keeps putting up obstacles for me. Her mom asked for my help getting her last jobless heroin addict live-in boyfriend out and I did. Which was months of a stressful s***show getting my friends/police involved, getting her legal paperwork needed, court dates, her sending pics of vandalism/destruction, text threats of burning her house down after he got eviction notice!

I know I don’t have a chance in hell making a difference in this child’s life now. Getting her to college and keeping her from getting pregnant by the time she’s 16 has been my #1 goal. But I also need to take care of my safety and my family. I’m extremely uncomfortable with the fact that this new family member and his crowd/lifestyle will end up at my home whether it’s dropping her off, bday parties I give her etc. Like my parents said, “you can rescue 3 sweet pit bulls and hope none will ever hurt your child but is that a risk you should take? Live by the odds not your heart”. I know 100% if I posted on here I was a victim of a crime given these circumstances everyone would jump down my throat and blame me! “What were you thinking would happen, you’re not very bright lady, you deserved it for being so ignorant” etc.... I would not have one person feel sorry for me and would be complete victim blame!

OP, I understand your feelings and agree that your safety is the primary concern. I just ask one thing - if you do drop out of this program and situation with this young lady, please let her know why. Do not abandon her completely. I would let her know that the day she turns 18, she can contact you and you will still be there for her.

[Anonymous]

Op you said the grandfather is close to the child and has concerns about the brother right? Do you think you could maybe sit down with him and talk? Maybe buy the grandfather lunch so you can talk to him about his concerns and what he thinks could be done?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op you said the grandfather is close to the child and has concerns about the brother right? Do you think you could maybe sit down with him and talk? Maybe buy the grandfather lunch so you can talk to him about his concerns and what he thinks could be done?

Unfortunately the grandfather is clueless as well. We are very close and he tells me everything that goes on behind closed doors. But his main concerns are that this individual is Very disrespectful, eating them out of house and home, stealing his cigarettes and that he will soon start bringing friends over with the criminal histories. He’s extremely angry with his daughter because he has to hide everything in his room of value among everything else. Anytime I mention the potential inappropriate situation with his granddaughter he completely disagrees with me. He believes that is complete and utter nonsense! And the worse part is that now he has told me he wants to move out because he’s over this. I pleaded with him that he can’t leave his granddaughter alone with this person. But he’s obviously just thinking about himself. I don’t understand people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m leaving the program because I refuse to keep trying to win a losing battle with a mother who keeps putting up obstacles for me. Her mom asked for my help getting her last jobless heroin addict live-in boyfriend out and I did. Which was months of a stressful s***show getting my friends/police involved, getting her legal paperwork needed, court dates, her sending pics of vandalism/destruction, text threats of burning her house down after he got eviction notice!

I know I don’t have a chance in hell making a difference in this child’s life now. Getting her to college and keeping her from getting pregnant by the time she’s 16 has been my #1 goal. But I also need to take care of my safety and my family. I’m extremely uncomfortable with the fact that this new family member and his crowd/lifestyle will end up at my home whether it’s dropping her off, bday parties I give her etc. Like my parents said, “you can rescue 3 sweet pit bulls and hope none will ever hurt your child but is that a risk you should take? Live by the odds not your heart”. I know 100% if I posted on here I was a victim of a crime given these circumstances everyone would jump down my throat and blame me! “What were you thinking would happen, you’re not very bright lady, you deserved it for being so ignorant” etc.... I would not have one person feel sorry for me and would be complete victim blame!

OP, I understand your feelings and agree that your safety is the primary concern. I just ask one thing - if you do drop out of this program and situation with this young lady, please let her know why. Do not abandon her completely. I would let her know that the day she turns 18, she can contact you and you will still be there for her.

My mentor manager told me to do the same. But I also don’t want to throw her mother under the bus either, even though I’m sure her mother has told her the reason already. I don’t know what to tell her except to just keep communication via phone and hopefully as time goes by she understands my position. I’m sure her mom is telling her I’m an overreacting worry wart.