Mentoring a child who’s mother is clueless!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Didn't you get training in non-judgmental interactions before volunteering? Your conversations are not at all appropriate. I'm also surprised that letting the girl sleep over is allowed.

Yes we are trained to look for abuse and potentially abusive situations. I feel this is a potential situation 100%! It’s just a matter of time. As far as sleep overs the mom would happily let her stay with me 90% of the time! She even wanted to name me as the child’s Legal guardian if something happened to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he was adopted, he's the brother or uncle, not the "brother." That said, it's difficult, but this is not your child and not your life. They aren't going ot raise this child the way you would (or they wouldn't need the program). Look for ways you can help, try to bite your tongue in the absence of danger to the child (you have actually not said anything that poses a danger to this child), or get out of their lives.

Yes her uncle that she’s never met. I know I know she’s not my child. But I do feel there is imminent danger as he gets more comfortable and given the alone time he has with her. The grandfather is not there all the time. What are the chances something inappropriate will happen? She’s a beautiful little girl wearing little shorts all the time. Just saying.

I think this is a troll.

[Anonymous]

I’m more concerned about OP emotionally abusing the child than the uncle doing anything. Sometimes volunteers cause familial alienation —either intentionally or unintentionally. I am also a volunteer and we were trained to be aware of how our own biases can be communicated to children (or vulnerable adults) and cause emotional insecurity and even estrangement. Hopefully, someone is supervising OP’s mentoring and will intervene for the child’s sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m more concerned about OP emotionally abusing the child than the uncle doing anything. Sometimes volunteers cause familial alienation —either intentionally or unintentionally. I am also a volunteer and we were trained to be aware of how our own biases can be communicated to children (or vulnerable adults) and cause emotional insecurity and even estrangement. Hopefully, someone is supervising OP’s mentoring and will intervene for the child’s sake.

Hmm really? Then why is it that every single reasonably intelligent person that knows of this situation, including my mentor manger, react with jaw dropping disbelief?!? Also, her own mother is the one who told her he was in prison and has a warrant! Not me. The grandfather is the one who told me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I think you need to explicit with both mother and grandfather, and request they be more observant and watchful. Use the real words.

You should also be more explicit with your young charge and tell her what this man should not be doing: entering her room without permission, touching her in any way, or making her feel like an object. She should be aware of grooming behavior as well. Impress upon her that she can tell you if anything makes her uncomfortable, and that her mother and grandfather will not in any way be in trouble.

That being said, just because this man is a criminal doesn't mean he's a sexual predator!!!

Unfortunately the mom is in Lala land with her new boyfriend. She’s obsessed with him and wants to spend every second with him so there’s no talking to her. The grandfather and I talk and he wants this guy out desperately! He told me he’s ready to move out if his daughter doesn’t kick this guy out. I told him he can’t do that. He can’t leave his granddaughter alone with this guy! But he doesn’t see it that way at all. Mind boggling to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m more concerned about OP emotionally abusing the child than the uncle doing anything. Sometimes volunteers cause familial alienation —either intentionally or unintentionally. I am also a volunteer and we were trained to be aware of how our own biases can be communicated to children (or vulnerable adults) and cause emotional insecurity and even estrangement. Hopefully, someone is supervising OP’s mentoring and will intervene for the child’s sake.

Hmm really? Then why is it that every single reasonably intelligent person that knows of this situation, including my mentor manger, react with jaw dropping disbelief?!? Also, her own mother is the one who told her he was in prison and has a warrant! Not me. The grandfather is the one who told me.

Your mentor manager would have reported it.

[Anonymous]

CFSA takes reports of child abuse and neglect 24 hours a day, seven days a week at (202) 671-SAFE or [phone]. This hotline is the gateway to protection and help for child victims and those at risk up to age 18 in the District of Columbia.

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO REPORT CHILD ABUSE OR NEGLECT IN MARYLAND:
PLEASE CALL 911 and your local department of social services Child Protective Services Unit to make a report.

TO REPORT CHILD ABUSE OR NEGLECT IN ANOTHER STATE:
Go to Childhelp at www.childhelp.org or call toll free: 1-800-4-A-Child (1-800-422-4453).

VA Hotline Numbers
In Virginia: [phone]
Out-of-state: [phone]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is obviously a very dysfunctional situation. The mother is not only clueless, but she has the morals of an alley cat and the judgment of a brick. Sorry, but let's cut to the chase - you know that as well as we do.

The grandfather sounds lovely, but either too naive, too old or just too unwilling to get involved to really protect this child.

Is the girl in school and doing well there? Does she have friends, hobbies, activities, a church? Anything (besides you) that suggests she may have a way out of this lifestyle?

I don't know how much more you can do, besides what you're doing. It's wonderful that she stays with you one night a week and I hope you will continue to build up this friendship. She's going to need it in the years ahead.

You hit the nail on the head with every word here! Unfortunately you know the school situation. Ugh. She’s home all summer too because the day camp she usually attends is at limited capacity so they couldn’t take her. I’m gonna try my best to get her as often as possible!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m more concerned about OP emotionally abusing the child than the uncle doing anything. Sometimes volunteers cause familial alienation —either intentionally or unintentionally. I am also a volunteer and we were trained to be aware of how our own biases can be communicated to children (or vulnerable adults) and cause emotional insecurity and even estrangement. Hopefully, someone is supervising OP’s mentoring and will intervene for the child’s sake.

Hmm really? Then why is it that every single reasonably intelligent person that knows of this situation, including my mentor manger, react with jaw dropping disbelief?!? Also, her own mother is the one who told her he was in prison and has a warrant! Not me. The grandfather is the one who told me.

Your mentor manager would have reported it.

No because it’s not a crime to have a relative who is a felon live with you. It’s not even considered abuse or neglect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:CFSA takes reports of child abuse and neglect 24 hours a day, seven days a week at (202) 671-SAFE or [phone]. This hotline is the gateway to protection and help for child victims and those at risk up to age 18 in the District of Columbia.

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO REPORT CHILD ABUSE OR NEGLECT IN MARYLAND:
PLEASE CALL 911 and your local department of social services Child Protective Services Unit to make a report.

TO REPORT CHILD ABUSE OR NEGLECT IN ANOTHER STATE:
Go to Childhelp at www.childhelp.org or call toll free: 1-800-4-A-Child (1-800-422-4453).

VA Hotline Numbers
In Virginia: [phone]
Out-of-state: [phone]

Ty for all this info. But I’ve researched this and it’s not abuse or neglect it seems. Not until something happens unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:CFSA takes reports of child abuse and neglect 24 hours a day, seven days a week at (202) 671-SAFE or [phone]. This hotline is the gateway to protection and help for child victims and those at risk up to age 18 in the District of Columbia.

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO REPORT CHILD ABUSE OR NEGLECT IN MARYLAND:
PLEASE CALL 911 and your local department of social services Child Protective Services Unit to make a report.

TO REPORT CHILD ABUSE OR NEGLECT IN ANOTHER STATE:
Go to Childhelp at www.childhelp.org or call toll free: 1-800-4-A-Child (1-800-422-4453).

VA Hotline Numbers
In Virginia: [phone]
Out-of-state: [phone]

Ty for all this info. But I’ve researched this and it’s not abuse or neglect it seems. Not until something happens unfortunately.

Call anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:CFSA takes reports of child abuse and neglect 24 hours a day, seven days a week at (202) 671-SAFE or [phone]. This hotline is the gateway to protection and help for child victims and those at risk up to age 18 in the District of Columbia.

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO REPORT CHILD ABUSE OR NEGLECT IN MARYLAND:
PLEASE CALL 911 and your local department of social services Child Protective Services Unit to make a report.

TO REPORT CHILD ABUSE OR NEGLECT IN ANOTHER STATE:
Go to Childhelp at www.childhelp.org or call toll free: 1-800-4-A-Child (1-800-422-4453).

VA Hotline Numbers
In Virginia: [phone]
Out-of-state: [phone]

Ty for all this info. But I’ve researched this and it’s not abuse or neglect it seems. Not until something happens unfortunately.

Call anyway.

+1 million. It is not your place to decide. Call anyways

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:CFSA takes reports of child abuse and neglect 24 hours a day, seven days a week at (202) 671-SAFE or [phone]. This hotline is the gateway to protection and help for child victims and those at risk up to age 18 in the District of Columbia.

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO REPORT CHILD ABUSE OR NEGLECT IN MARYLAND:
PLEASE CALL 911 and your local department of social services Child Protective Services Unit to make a report.

TO REPORT CHILD ABUSE OR NEGLECT IN ANOTHER STATE:
Go to Childhelp at www.childhelp.org or call toll free: 1-800-4-A-Child (1-800-422-4453).

VA Hotline Numbers
In Virginia: [phone]
Out-of-state: [phone]

Ty for all this info. But I’ve researched this and it’s not abuse or neglect it seems. Not until something happens unfortunately.

Call anyway.

Well there might be something here actually. The last two for sure. But only if the grandfather does move out like he’s threatened . But at 14 I’m not sure they would consider her needing supervision at home. You know what’s sad, this guy could be a cool uncle but the fact that he has such a rap sheet is what kills it for me! I just don’t believe in taking these types of risks. It’s not worth the possible lifetime of pain he could end up causing this child. When it’s so easy to tell him to find somewhere else to live and her mom can go visit Him anytime she wants.

• Deserting a child or refusing to take custody of a child who is under your care
• Repeatedly leaving a child in another’s custody for days or weeks at a time
• Failing to provide enough healthy food and drink
• Failing to provide clothes that are appropriate to
the weather
• Failing to ensure adequate personal hygiene
• Not supervising a child appropriately
• Leaving the child with an inappropriate caregiver.

[Anonymous]

I wonder why you mentioned in the other thread that he is nice looking and biracial. It makes me question your perspective. You seem like someone with a white savior complex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder why you mentioned in the other thread that he is nice looking and biracial. It makes me question your perspective. You seem like someone with a white savior complex.

And I wonder why Steele doesn’t want people to post the truth!!!