People that never marry - What’s their life like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah being married means that you have chosen intimacy over isolation.

I'm divorced and in a relationship and this is the best of all worlds. I would hate to be closed up in this house with someone day in and day out but when I want company/intimacy, I have it. Marriage is not the holy grail or only "perfect" relationship status.

[Anonymous]

I never married or had children. I’m 65 now and it’s been the perfect life for me. I’ve only had myself to worry about and I have siblings with children that I am very close to and very close friends all my life. I’ve had wonderful long term romantic relationships.

It’s unquestionably “the road less traveled” and not for everyone. I have no regrets.

[Anonymous]

Chaotic and full of drama, addiction and commitment phobia.

[Anonymous]

All the women I most admire in the world seem to be unmarried or at least they never had kids. It must be freeing to be untethered to those expectations. I know that marrying and having children has hindered my professional and personal development. I chose it and I don't regret it, but I would certainly be a different person if I never married. Just look at all the women doing amazing things and those in positions of power. So many are lesbians! They rock.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single Mom by Choice, and i adopted my daughter Never married. Getting married was never a goal.

I love my freedom. All decisions are mine.

I do like dating. I am not a desperado looking to settle for a 3rd-rate partner. Once i turned 40 every guy i dated told me they finally felt like they are not dating a women who was desperate for a husband/sperm donor. I had control of my life. I was disappointed by 2 men in my 20s/30s whom I would have married, but seeing them years later i am so happy it did not work out. Turns out one had been a secret alcoholic and another a womanizer. Both of them were twice-divorced. Glad i ended up not being one of the ex-wives. I loved them for sure; but they were terrible husbands.

Not a lot of money. I had to continually ask my parents for some financial help. They basically said I was getting my i(small) inheritance in advance; which was fine with me. I need a washer/dryer now, not when they are dead. But travel is important for me and i have taken my daughter all over the country and we have been to Europe 3 times, for 2 weeks at a time. Hostels and 2-star hotels and rentals make it very possible. Eating on the cheap. Once you have the airfare, all is doable.

Life had been pretty free and easy.

My sister ended up a single mom via divorce. She is angry, bitter, depressed. Kind of a nutcase. She was depending on a man to give her a good life. It did not come to be.

Relying on your parents for financial help in your 40s doesn’t sound like all the decisions are yours. Although it’s probably free and easy.

Not sure how you see yourself as so superior to your sister.

You sound very bitter. You must be divorced.

I detect reading comprehension problems. (I am a teacher; I'm good at spotting these things.) I do not *rely*on my parents. They give me great gifts like a new washer/dryer. I bought a new car and my dad gave me a month's payment as a Christmas present. They paid my au pair's salary one month. Really thoughtful gifts like that. Much better than a new sweater.

I wouldn't trade my watch-my-pennies life for your bitterness for a moment. Plus, my boyfriends are hot.

DP. But you are saying your sister is depending on a man for a good life...but so are you. Just the man is your father. Or are car payments, an au pair, and a new washer/dryer somehow not part of a nice life?

[Anonymous]

I'm 48. Never married, one child I had at 36. (an oops.)

My life is decent. Do I wish I were married? Sometimes. It would be nice to have a partner for things (and for sex!), and it would be very nice to share household expenses. Head of household around here is expensive! But I do ok. I have my daughter 4 days a week and have solo time the other 3 days. When we're not quarantined, I have a good social life and a good workout schedule and time to read and pursue hobbies.

I know a lot of single and divorced people. They're on a continuum of "very happy" to "not happy at all", just like my married friends. Most of my single/divorced friends have the money to travel and do fun things, so they have good lives. Some of them chose singlehood and some of them ended up there. Some of them went through a sad phase when they realized they probably wouldn't have kids, but a lot of them seem ok with that too.

I don't think the single/divorced people I know are any weirder/broken than the married people I know. Some of the most f*cked-up people I know are married. I don't know that there is much correlation. People with issues often find other people with complimentary issues to marry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Chaotic and full of drama, addiction and commitment phobia.

Ironically this perfectly describes my marriage!! (And why I am divorced from the chaos, drama and addiction.)

[Anonymous]

One of my friends never married and she has really engrossing, expensive hobbies -- travels to see theater in other parts of the country, goes out every night of the week to community groups, etc.
NOw that I'm an empty nester, I see my life as being more similar to hers. Definitely envied her when my house was sticky and we never left it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the person.

My sister never married nor had children. She is a hateful vindictive person and could never manage a healthy long-term relationship because of her personality. Thus, she never married and had kids.

She sounds fun!

[Anonymous]

It depends on why someone never married. One woman I know just never really put the effort into finding someone - she was content with her travels and hobbies. She never wanted children so that kind of removed the drive to find a husband for her. She still has lots of friends, takes classes, continues to travel and dedicate time to her hobbies and pets, and remains very content.

Another woman I know tried and tried to find someone to marry and wanted kids, but couldn't find anyone that stuck around past the 1 year mark. She had no trouble getting dates or even boyfriends as she was and still is quite attractive, but she has a challenging personality (high maintenance, quick temper, etc.) She lives a good life, has a good career and a nice home, does lots of traveling, but she is quite bitter and has a tendency to drink to excess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chaotic and full of drama, addiction and commitment phobia.

Ironically this perfectly describes my marriage!! (And why I am divorced from the chaos, drama and addiction.)

DP, but I think there's a big difference between divorced women and never-married women. Most of the never-married women I know match the first pp's description. Most of the divorced women I know either 1) got married again or 2) they're very happily divorced with no plans to ever remarry and are enjoying their new, peaceful life. It sounds like you're the latter?

There are some divorced train wrecks but I know very few women like that.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the why.

I know people who are unmarried but have been in fulfilling romantic relationships, it's just not the end all be all for them. They have meaningful lives through their work, hobbies, volunteering, etc.

Then there are the people who very much wish they were in a relationship but they are their own worst enemies. Miserable.

[Anonymous]

My favorite aunt never married. She always hoped to but never met the right person. In her mid-40s she adopted my awesome cousin. Both before and after adopting, she had a pretty great life. A fulfilling career, lots of hobbies and travel, etc. Cousin is graduating from college this spring, and aunt just retired. She's looking forward to more travel.

My sister is mid-40s and never married. While she has had romantic relationships, marriage was never a major goal, nor was having children. Like our aunt, she has a pretty fulfilling life. She loves independent travel, and the two of us like to take trips together. And she is an amazing aunt to my kids.

In my dad's family this is something of a trend - at least one never-married person in every generation, going back several generations. My favorite was great-great-aunt Alice, who had a summer house in CT and a winter house in FL and lived off of AT&T stock. She died peacefully of old age just before she had to sell the last of her stock.

[Anonymous]

I am satisfactorily married with two children, but I think I could have been as happy and likely happier if I had waited out the mid/late 30s freakout about not being married with kids. I think if I could have gotten on the other side of 40, and the pressure lifted I would have focused on friendships, career much more than I can now, travel, financial security. I never had a problem finding a lover so that would still be there. I love my family but the responsibiities are relentless and I've taken on a far greater burden than I had anticipated for reasons I wont get into here. So, yeah, every once in a while my fantasy is not 'the guy who got away' or whatever, its freedom to be responsible only for my own life.

[Anonymous]

My cousins are identical twins in their mid 50s and they’ve never married. They own a house together. The house has three bedrooms and they share the master! One is in a LTR and one has never had anything long term. They are the kindest, most interesting people I know and just ooze happiness and grace. They travel a lot. They love to garden. They are women of faith and very involved in their church (United Church of Christ so no this is not a weird fundamentalist thing.) They are both introverted so not super big into socializing but they have a few very close friends and are friendly with their neighbors. They both have stable careers (one’s a fed, one’s an accountant for a local college) and are getting ready to retire in the next few years. They have lots of cousins, siblings, nieces, nephews, aunts and uncles they get together with frequently. They live simple but very rich and rewarding lives that sometimes I am jealous of!