People that never marry - What’s their life like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single Mom by Choice, and i adopted my daughter Never married. Getting married was never a goal.

I love my freedom. All decisions are mine.

I do like dating. I am not a desperado looking to settle for a 3rd-rate partner. Once i turned 40 every guy i dated told me they finally felt like they are not dating a women who was desperate for a husband/sperm donor. I had control of my life. I was disappointed by 2 men in my 20s/30s whom I would have married, but seeing them years later i am so happy it did not work out. Turns out one had been a secret alcoholic and another a womanizer. Both of them were twice-divorced. Glad i ended up not being one of the ex-wives. I loved them for sure; but they were terrible husbands.

Not a lot of money. I had to continually ask my parents for some financial help. They basically said I was getting my i(small) inheritance in advance; which was fine with me. I need a washer/dryer now, not when they are dead. But travel is important for me and i have taken my daughter all over the country and we have been to Europe 3 times, for 2 weeks at a time. Hostels and 2-star hotels and rentals make it very possible. Eating on the cheap. Once you have the airfare, all is doable.

Life had been pretty free and easy.

My sister ended up a single mom via divorce. She is angry, bitter, depressed. Kind of a nutcase. She was depending on a man to give her a good life. It did not come to be.

Relying on your parents for financial help in your 40s doesn’t sound like all the decisions are yours. Although it’s probably free and easy.

Not sure how you see yourself as so superior to your sister.

Yeah not sure why you are so proud of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single Mom by Choice, and i adopted my daughter Never married. Getting married was never a goal.

I love my freedom. All decisions are mine.

I do like dating. I am not a desperado looking to settle for a 3rd-rate partner. Once i turned 40 every guy i dated told me they finally felt like they are not dating a women who was desperate for a husband/sperm donor. I had control of my life. I was disappointed by 2 men in my 20s/30s whom I would have married, but seeing them years later i am so happy it did not work out. Turns out one had been a secret alcoholic and another a womanizer. Both of them were twice-divorced. Glad i ended up not being one of the ex-wives. I loved them for sure; but they were terrible husbands.

Not a lot of money. I had to continually ask my parents for some financial help. They basically said I was getting my i(small) inheritance in advance; which was fine with me. I need a washer/dryer now, not when they are dead. But travel is important for me and i have taken my daughter all over the country and we have been to Europe 3 times, for 2 weeks at a time. Hostels and 2-star hotels and rentals make it very possible. Eating on the cheap. Once you have the airfare, all is doable.

Life had been pretty free and easy.

My sister ended up a single mom via divorce. She is angry, bitter, depressed. Kind of a nutcase. She was depending on a man to give her a good life. It did not come to be.

Relying on your parents for financial help in your 40s doesn’t sound like all the decisions are yours. Although it’s probably free and easy.

Not sure how you see yourself as so superior to your sister.

Yeah not sure why you are so proud of yourself.

Where are you guys seeing that PP is proud of herself? Give her a break. Is it wrong to be happy with her choices? Jeez.

[Anonymous]

Some pretty unhappy, jealous married women here.

[Anonymous]

Yeah being married means that you have chosen intimacy over isolation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single Mom by Choice, and i adopted my daughter Never married. Getting married was never a goal.

I love my freedom. All decisions are mine.

I do like dating. I am not a desperado looking to settle for a 3rd-rate partner. Once i turned 40 every guy i dated told me they finally felt like they are not dating a women who was desperate for a husband/sperm donor. I had control of my life. I was disappointed by 2 men in my 20s/30s whom I would have married, but seeing them years later i am so happy it did not work out. Turns out one had been a secret alcoholic and another a womanizer. Both of them were twice-divorced. Glad i ended up not being one of the ex-wives. I loved them for sure; but they were terrible husbands.

Not a lot of money. I had to continually ask my parents for some financial help. They basically said I was getting my i(small) inheritance in advance; which was fine with me. I need a washer/dryer now, not when they are dead. But travel is important for me and i have taken my daughter all over the country and we have been to Europe 3 times, for 2 weeks at a time. Hostels and 2-star hotels and rentals make it very possible. Eating on the cheap. Once you have the airfare, all is doable.

Life had been pretty free and easy.

My sister ended up a single mom via divorce. She is angry, bitter, depressed. Kind of a nutcase. She was depending on a man to give her a good life. It did not come to be.

Relying on your parents for financial help in your 40s doesn’t sound like all the decisions are yours. Although it’s probably free and easy.

Not sure how you see yourself as so superior to your sister.

Yeah not sure why you are so proud of yourself.

Where are you guys seeing that PP is proud of herself? Give her a break. Is it wrong to be happy with her choices? Jeez.

So you can afford to travel all over the world, but can't afford a washer/dryer? Sounds pretty irresponsible to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single Mom by Choice, and i adopted my daughter Never married. Getting married was never a goal.

I love my freedom. All decisions are mine.

I do like dating. I am not a desperado looking to settle for a 3rd-rate partner. Once i turned 40 every guy i dated told me they finally felt like they are not dating a women who was desperate for a husband/sperm donor. I had control of my life. I was disappointed by 2 men in my 20s/30s whom I would have married, but seeing them years later i am so happy it did not work out. Turns out one had been a secret alcoholic and another a womanizer. Both of them were twice-divorced. Glad i ended up not being one of the ex-wives. I loved them for sure; but they were terrible husbands.

Not a lot of money. I had to continually ask my parents for some financial help. They basically said I was getting my i(small) inheritance in advance; which was fine with me. I need a washer/dryer now, not when they are dead. But travel is important for me and i have taken my daughter all over the country and we have been to Europe 3 times, for 2 weeks at a time. Hostels and 2-star hotels and rentals make it very possible. Eating on the cheap. Once you have the airfare, all is doable.

Life had been pretty free and easy.

My sister ended up a single mom via divorce. She is angry, bitter, depressed. Kind of a nutcase. She was depending on a man to give her a good life. It did not come to be.

Relying on your parents for financial help in your 40s doesn’t sound like all the decisions are yours. Although it’s probably free and easy.

Not sure how you see yourself as so superior to your sister.

Yeah not sure why you are so proud of yourself.

Where are you guys seeing that PP is proud of herself? Give her a break. Is it wrong to be happy with her choices? Jeez.

So you can afford to travel all over the world, but can't afford a washer/dryer? Sounds pretty irresponsible to me.

She hasn't been all over the world, but all over the country, AND to Europe 3 times for 2 weeks at a time!

[Anonymous]

We're like snowflakes -- each one of us is different. Like any life, it's about balance. I have to make an effort to invite people into my life. I have all the freedom -- but also all of the responsibility and all of the stress that goes into making decisions and living with the results of those decisions. I'm happy with my choices -- and open to the possibilities of making completely different choices. So: just because I haven't married yet -- doesn't mean that I never will. It also doesn't mean that I will -- or that I'll even want to.

[Anonymous]

I know a woman who is 58 and never married. She's from a big family that has lots of get-togethers and she's close to all of her nieces and nephews. She takes 3 or 4 big vacations every year. She's outgoing, knows all of her neighbors really well, is interesting to talk to, into yoga/health and a little crunchy. She had one career, loved it, then decided to something completely different, which she also loves. She's had a couple of long-term relationships, but I think she just didn't want to be married.

[Anonymous]

Female, 52, never married. Up until recently I was fine with it. I had a lot of fun in my 20-40’s. The last few years I’ve really wanted to find “my person” and hopefully get married. I’m lonely and now looking back, wish that I would have been more serious about relationships earlier on. I’d like to have someone to come home to. But on the flip side, I have friends who are married w/ kids and are miserable. Some of them have controlling, a&$hole husbands and they’d love to probably be in my shoes.

Currently, I feel as though I’m going through a difficult time with the being single thing. I’m not from a large family, no siblings, but a lot of good friends. But, I’d like to eventually be married.

[Anonymous]

Many of my friends (all in our 40s) are unmarried. They tend to have athletic hobbies like dance and triathlon. They move across country when they feel like it, or change jobs or careers. About half are close with their parents and half are not. About half date and half don't ever date.

All my unmarried friends are pretty rigid in their habits and expectations. They will drop friends completely for really minor offenses. Some of them say they would like a partner, but they don't want to change anything about their lives -- for example, one friend will only see boyfriends on Saturday afternoons. Another returns gifts to the giver if she doesn't like them. They're just kind of prickly.

[Anonymous]

I've never been married, but I am in a decade-long relationship. We're pretty much what you would expect from DINKs. If by unmarried you mean "unmarried and single" I'm sure that looks very different.

[Anonymous]

I have 2 friends in their 40s never married both are different scenarios. One is very desperate to find a husband, but also extremely picky - she wants nothing more than to be married and have kids and goes on a ton of first dates - wasted many years on a bad relationship. Second is completely content, in a LTR but not living together no desire to be married, enjoys spending time on her hobbies and seems happy.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely glorious. Very little stress. Complete control over where to direct attention. Easier to be involved in community, in friends' lives, mentoring, etc. because the world doesn't involve around own offspring. Caveat: I'm financially secure. Not sure life would be as grand if I needed a partner just to make ends meet.

[Anonymous]

I'm in my 40's and married with kids. Most of the never-married guys in their 40's and 50's are big drinkers. Pretty much all of the ones I know are very damaged in some way and wouldn't make good husbands or fathers.

Some of the single women are the same way, some party and some don't. But some of the women are very lonely. A couple of them are good people but I think they have some issues that have led to them never getting married although they desperately want to. The two who I'm thinking of have some crazy rigid superficial requirements and don't seem to look for the right criteria for a good guy. One is mid 40's and one is early 50's. It's a shame because they're both really kind people and they really want to get married. They don't see how they're sabotaging themselves. One of them is a very involved and wonderful aunt so she has that.

The people I know who got married but don't want kids seem to be doing just fine. Lots of good food, travel, etc. I wouldn't trade my kids for anything, but I can see how it's nice to be able to live so well on a lower HHI, have tons of free time, etc. Socializing can be a little bit of an issue for them late 30's - early 50's because most people are either busy raising kids or single partying. It's not as easy to find friends to hang out with. It gets easier once people are past the raising kids stage and are available to hang out, but I can't imagine not having grandkids when I'm older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many of my friends (all in our 40s) are unmarried. They tend to have athletic hobbies like dance and triathlon. They move across country when they feel like it, or change jobs or careers. About half are close with their parents and half are not. About half date and half don't ever date.

All my unmarried friends are pretty rigid in their habits and expectations. They will drop friends completely for really minor offenses. Some of them say they would like a partner, but they don't want to change anything about their lives -- for example, one friend will only see boyfriends on Saturday afternoons. Another returns gifts to the giver if she doesn't like them. They're just kind of prickly.

This! I've seen this a lot with some of the single 40-50 somethings I know. It's drama central. Plus insanely rigid must-haves in a guy that don't in any way translate to being a good partner.