I can’t believe I’m about to put an ad on care.com

[Anonymous]

You chose to have kids with him
Your problem.

[Anonymous]

I would never agree to sit with a man in the house that I do not know nor would I allow my daughter to do so. Truly stupid idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:boys don't generally get a lot of childcare experience before becoming a parent, whereas many (maybe most?) girls have at least some teenage babysitting experience to draw from. The men are getting a baptism by fire, so I can understand why it's so overwhelming. Add a nitpicking wife (not saying that's you) who's always telling him he's doing it wrong and you've created man who doesn't feel confident being alone with the kids.

Oh FFS. He's been a full time parent for several years at this point. That is way more opportunity for experience than any former teenage sitter heads into motherhood with.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I just found my own old thread. Well now the baby is 6 months and the older one is almost three and we are in the middle of covid pandemic and he won’t watch both of them two days a week while I work. (I have to leave the house to work twice a week.)
I agree with the PPs who said this was my fault for having a second kid with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just found my own old thread. Well now the baby is 6 months and the older one is almost three and we are in the middle of covid pandemic and he won’t watch both of them two days a week while I work. (I have to leave the house to work twice a week.)
I agree with the PPs who said this was my fault for having a second kid with him.

I'm sorry OP--your situation sucks, but I disagree that's it your fault. You've tried to find a balance but it seems like your spouse hasn't changed a bit. That's on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:boys don't generally get a lot of childcare experience before becoming a parent, whereas many (maybe most?) girls have at least some teenage babysitting experience to draw from. The men are getting a baptism by fire, so I can understand why it's so overwhelming. Add a nitpicking wife (not saying that's you) who's always telling him he's doing it wrong and you've created man who doesn't feel confident being alone with the kids.

So tired of people blaming the nagging wife while making excuses for a poor dopey husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just found my own old thread. Well now the baby is 6 months and the older one is almost three and we are in the middle of covid pandemic and he won’t watch both of them two days a week while I work. (I have to leave the house to work twice a week.)
I agree with the PPs who said this was my fault for having a second kid with him.

Just leave the house and go to work. He will figure it out. Do not answer your phone either because you will be WORKING. If there is an actual emergency, I'm sure you can tell the difference.

Neither one of you should breed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just found my own old thread. Well now the baby is 6 months and the older one is almost three and we are in the middle of covid pandemic and he won’t watch both of them two days a week while I work. (I have to leave the house to work twice a week.)
I agree with the PPs who said this was my fault for having a second kid with him.

Just leave the house and go to work. He will figure it out. Do not answer your phone either because you will be WORKING. If there is an actual emergency, I'm sure you can tell the difference.

Neither one of you should breed.

OP here - I agree unfortunately

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just found my own old thread. Well now the baby is 6 months and the older one is almost three and we are in the middle of covid pandemic and he won’t watch both of them two days a week while I work. (I have to leave the house to work twice a week.)
I agree with the PPs who said this was my fault for having a second kid with him.

It’s time for a divorce and a nanny (live in at least until covid subsides).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure why you just don’t leave. Not forever, just walk out and do what you need to do.

I would, however, divorce over this is we didn’t have money for a full time nanny.

Because the one time I did, when I came back the kids had both been crying almost the whole time and my husband was unhappy with me, and I decided when this baby was born to prioritize (for now) having a low-conflict marriage over trying in vain to make him do what he should be doing.

I understand your current goal. This will get old, fast. While you have a babysitter, start putting yourself in a position to leave him. He won't get better. You deserve better.

[Anonymous]

On you. You're enabling.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t have left DD with DH when she was 4 months old. Some guys have no clue what to do with a baby that young.

[Anonymous]

Good god, could imagine the responses if this was reversed and it was the mother who couldn’t handle both in the evenings?

[Anonymous]

There’s a big difference between asking for help during the bedtime routine with two young kids vs. refusing to watch them when it’s necessary too. I have a lot of childcare help but if I had to I could go without and so could DH.

Also I am feeling lucky to have my DH because I would have happily left him with the baby at 4 days let alone 4 months. I can’t imagine not trusting the baby’s father!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:boys don't generally get a lot of childcare experience before becoming a parent, whereas many (maybe most?) girls have at least some teenage babysitting experience to draw from. The men are getting a baptism by fire, so I can understand why it's so overwhelming. Add a nitpicking wife (not saying that's you) who's always telling him he's doing it wrong and you've created man who doesn't feel confident being alone with the kids.

So tired of people blaming the nagging wife while making excuses for a poor dopey husband.

+1. "Men getting a baptism by fire," my God, what a ridiculous thing to say. I'm embarrassed for you, PP. This is NOT your fault, OP. It is 100% on your lazy, selfish husband. If he's so incompetent he can't figure out how to watch his own kids after 4 years, he should be ruled non compos mentis and a caregiver assigned to him. If he thinks he deserves the autonomy of an adult, he can grow up and act like one already.