When did you start talking about the future?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you guys have a great situation. I'd wait to marry until most of the kids are in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people like details.

His- all boys, ages 13, 10, 6
Mine- all boys, ages 13, 9, 7

We met on an app, but it turned out that we already had a bunch of friends in common, including several of our boy’s friends and their families. We live about 2 miles away from each other so we’re always bopping back and forth to each other’s houses. My house is twice the size of his with plenty of space. Everyone but the youngest two would have their own bedrooms. The youngest two are totally inseparable, and they’ll be fine sharing a room.

Trust me, I understand crazy. My kids are off the charts energetic, and while his can be quieter at times they jump right in. 6 boys is not for the faint of heart. But they seriously love each other and their friend groups are relatively intertwined. Those friends all live in my neighborhood and attend my schools.

If the youngest are 6 and 7 you have not been divorced long. No one likes to permanently share rooms. Everyone on this forum is telling you to slow things down.

Wow, that sounds very privileged. There is nothing wrong with kids sharing a room.

My schools are better. When they were together they looked at houses in my area and really liked it, hence why so many of our kids friends overlap. They enrolled their kids in preschool, camps, clubs, sports etc in my area. I’m sure his ex will have something to say but she’s not part of our relationship. She lives in the kids current school district so they could elect those schools. That said, mine are a lot better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people like details.

His- all boys, ages 13, 10, 6
Mine- all boys, ages 13, 9, 7

We met on an app, but it turned out that we already had a bunch of friends in common, including several of our boy’s friends and their families. We live about 2 miles away from each other so we’re always bopping back and forth to each other’s houses. My house is twice the size of his with plenty of space. Everyone but the youngest two would have their own bedrooms. The youngest two are totally inseparable, and they’ll be fine sharing a room.

Trust me, I understand crazy. My kids are off the charts energetic, and while his can be quieter at times they jump right in. 6 boys is not for the faint of heart. But they seriously love each other and their friend groups are relatively intertwined. Those friends all live in my neighborhood and attend my schools.

If the youngest are 6 and 7 you have not been divorced long. No one likes to permanently share rooms. Everyone on this forum is telling you to slow things down.

Wow, that sounds very privileged. There is nothing wrong with kids sharing a room.

My schools are better. When they were together they looked at houses in my area and really liked it, hence why so many of our kids friends overlap. They enrolled their kids in preschool, camps, clubs, sports etc in my area. I’m sure his ex will have something to say but she’s not part of our relationship. She lives in the kids current school district so they could elect those schools. That said, mine are a lot better.

It is privileged, but that doesn't change the fact that if you force them to share a room when they don't want to, it will lead to conflict and make life unpleasant for everyone. Sharing a room and changing schools = they resent you.

You have not answered whether he needs their mother's consent to move them. She will always be a part of your life because she is their mother and has whatever rights she has.

Have you thought about your parenting styles and how you will manage co-parenting and schedules with your exes? Six kids over three households, it's going to be a lot of coordinating and compromising.

[Anonymous]

Seems like the 6yo is getting the sh*t end of the stick. Sharing a room with an older and more extroverted child is pure hell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you dated other people since your divorce? Honestly you are coming across needy and desperate.

Give some thoughts to his kids. They probably like their schools. Their Mom I'm sure has some input.

Your boyfriend may be very happy with the way things are now. I would not assume that marrying is what he wants if he has not been divorced long.

This is exactly the point. I do want to be married, particularly to him because I love him. That’s pretty much sums up why I want to talk about the future. If he doesn’t want it then I want to know. I’d like to be informed so I can take that info and make some decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you dated other people since your divorce? Honestly you are coming across needy and desperate.

Give some thoughts to his kids. They probably like their schools. Their Mom I'm sure has some input.

Your boyfriend may be very happy with the way things are now. I would not assume that marrying is what he wants if he has not been divorced long.

This is exactly the point. I do want to be married, particularly to him because I love him. That’s pretty much sums up why I want to talk about the future. If he doesn’t want it then I want to know. I’d like to be informed so I can take that info and make some decisions.

What are you going to do if he says no?

[Anonymous]

Neither of us need our ex’s consent to move. They don’t need our consent either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Neither of us need our ex’s consent to move. They don’t need our consent either.

You are being obtuse. The question is whether he needs her consent to change where they go to school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you dated other people since your divorce? Honestly you are coming across needy and desperate.

Give some thoughts to his kids. They probably like their schools. Their Mom I'm sure has some input.

Your boyfriend may be very happy with the way things are now. I would not assume that marrying is what he wants if he has not been divorced long.

This is exactly the point. I do want to be married, particularly to him because I love him. That’s pretty much sums up why I want to talk about the future. If he doesn’t want it then I want to know. I’d like to be informed so I can take that info and make some decisions.

What are you going to do if he says no?

I don’t know. Decide if I want to wait or not. The point of this whole thing is to communicate early and about things that matter to set a better foundation. I don’t want to be divorced again and I figure that a lot of communication is not a bad thing. No one said I am moving in with him tomorrow, just that I want to talk about how we both feel about the future. Lord knows love, hope and wishes aren’t going to get us there

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you dated other people since your divorce? Honestly you are coming across needy and desperate.

Give some thoughts to his kids. They probably like their schools. Their Mom I'm sure has some input.

Your boyfriend may be very happy with the way things are now. I would not assume that marrying is what he wants if he has not been divorced long.

This is exactly the point. I do want to be married, particularly to him because I love him. That’s pretty much sums up why I want to talk about the future. If he doesn’t want it then I want to know. I’d like to be informed so I can take that info and make some decisions.

What are you going to do if he says no?

I don’t know. Decide if I want to wait or not. The point of this whole thing is to communicate early and about things that matter to set a better foundation. I don’t want to be divorced again and I figure that a lot of communication is not a bad thing. No one said I am moving in with him tomorrow, just that I want to talk about how we both feel about the future. Lord knows love, hope and wishes aren’t going to get us there

Moving in too soon and causing needless struggles for the kids makes divorce more likely.

[Anonymous]

Casually, very early on. Seriously, four months in when we found out she was pregnant.

[Anonymous]

OP - nothing stopping you from marrying but I would not cohabitate the kids. Since you both are high earners your frugality arguments don’t hold a lot of water. I married my BF post divorce but he kept his house. My now DH lives with me and my kids when he doesn’t have custody and goes back to his house when he does. If I don’t have custody, I stay with him and his kids (which is rare because I have 80% custody). Sometimes neither of us have custody. There is no way I want to inject myself in the parenting of his kids nor do I want him to be involved in my parenting. In addition, you need to think logistics and prenup. He moves into your house with the kids and starts paying household expenses that house is suddenly going to be half his. Don’t do that to your kids. As an aside, what is the custody split for each of you? Do you have the same days with the kids.

[Anonymous]

When we first dated and anyone I first dated after about the 4th date, I told them if we weren’t engaged after a year it likely wasn’t meant to be. Both with first and second husbands and another I didn’t marry, engaged within a year.

[Anonymous]

If you are both high earners but you are worried about money why don't you down size your house. That would make a lot more sense. It sounds like your boyfriend already owns a
downsized house that makes sense for him.

Are you living in your marital home? Many men don't like to move into a former marital home.

You live close to your boyfriend and you see him frequently.
What is the rush?

What if your boyfriend does not want to pull his kids out of their current schools where they are happy? Why should your boyfriend have to pull his kids out of their schools.

How good the schools are is a subjective topic.

It sounds like you are future tripping about a lot of things.
You've already mapped out which bedroom each kid would have in your house.

[Anonymous]

Slow down! I already feel bad for all six of those boys. You are only thinking of yourself.